Abusers "Flying Under the Radar" - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-19-2019, 07:24 PM #1
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792 (SuperPoster!)

1,649 hugs
given
Default Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

When someone is covert, sneaky, and physically non-violent, it can be hard to prove such person as "abusive"--whether that person is male or female. Do you know what I mean? So I think this PC article breaks it down well:

The Female Malignant Narcissist is Just as Dangerous as Her Male Counterpart
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 03-19-2019, 07:35 PM #2
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434

1 yr Member
110 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
When someone is covert, sneaky, and physically non-violent, it can be hard to prove such person as "abusive"--whether that person is male or female. Do you know what I mean? So I think this PC article breaks it down well:

The Female Malignant Narcissist is Just as Dangerous as Her Male Counterpart
One particular female narcissist comes to mind. She was in my social circle about 20 years ago.

1. A sadistic sense of pleasure at someone else’s pain.

She would go out of her way to deliver backhanded compliments with a sneer so wide you could see her teeth. She always smiled when she snarled.

First, she would befriend you and lovebomb you to make you her bestie. Then, once she knew she had your loyal friendship, she'd use every last ounce of goodness you had until you were as withered as a prune.

2. An insatiable sense of competitiveness, due to pathological envy and the need to be the center of attention.

She also always had to be the center of attention in our group. She would knock down the other females, by physically flirting with the males in my social circle; touching their arms, hugging almost humping them, licking her lips as she spoke to the men.

If one of the women in my social group ignored her, she hated that. And she would spread snide lies about that person to everyone in the group.

Also, if you brought a new friend into the group, she poached that friend off of you immediately. You lost that friend forever.

3. An obsession with her appearance as well as a high level of materialism and superficiality; this could also translate into a haughty sense of intellectual superiority, if the narcissist in question is more cerebral than somatic.

She was thin, tall, and had long hair. She never wore a bra and always talked about how great it was going bra-less. She dressed very trashy.

4. A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.

If you were with a significant other, who didn't know her, that didn't stop her from practically humping your s.o. when she'd hug him/her. She wanted you to know that SHE had the sex appeal and that the best you could offer your s.o. was a nice smile.

She had no boundaries with anyone. Especially the men in our social group. She'd ask married men or coupled men for shoulder massages, she'd comment on their muscles, she'd drape herself on the men any chance she could and they loved it. The women, not so much.

She did some terrible, terrible things to people in my social group.

Last edited by StreetcarBlanche; 03-19-2019 at 08:10 PM.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-19-2019, 08:06 PM #3
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 80,871
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 80,871 (SuperPoster!)

15 yr Member
53k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

I know what you mean....
__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2019, 06:49 AM #4
Arbie's Avatar
Arbie Arbie is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,097
Arbie Arbie is offline
Poohbah
Arbie's Avatar
Arbie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,097

1 yr Member
294 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

This kind of abuse is so much worse than the obvious kind, because it's hard to explain and others don't see it. Therefore, the victim just doesn't get help, and it goes on and on.
__________________
I have written the story of my life and recovery, and was given permission to place the link in my signature.


Please be warned that parts of it can be triggering if you are sensitive to descriptions of abuse. I'm not using anybody's real names, including my own.
Arbie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2019, 06:35 PM #5
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792 (SuperPoster!)

1,649 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
This kind of abuse is so much worse than the obvious kind, because it's hard to explain and others don't see it. Therefore, the victim just doesn't get help, and it goes on and on.
So-so-so true! People tell you things like, "Well, maybe you misunderstood."
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2019, 06:39 PM #6
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792 (SuperPoster!)

1,649 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post

4. A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.

If you were with a significant other, who didn't know her, that didn't stop her from practically humping your s.o. when she'd hug him/her. She wanted you to know that SHE had the sex appeal and that the best you could offer your s.o. was a nice smile.

She had no boundaries with anyone. Especially the men in our social group. She'd ask married men or coupled men for shoulder massages, she'd comment on their muscles, she'd drape herself on the men any chance she could and they loved it. The women, not so much.
Thank you for the real life examples. You always make articulate arguments and write so eloquently!

So I have a question about disregard for boundaries "including her own" part. Is she cool with it when someone flirts with her partner?

I know someone like the one you described, but I've never attempted to stoop to her level and flirt with her man, so I am not sure what the reaction would be.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2019, 07:03 PM #7
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434

1 yr Member
110 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
So-so-so true! People tell you things like, "Well, maybe you misunderstood."
Like my my thread in this forum! 3 different posters pretty much invalidated my belief that the guy I encountered is a narcissist, making excuses for his behavior instead of validating my feelings about it. Then when i called them out on invalidating me, they deny it. I don't understand how these same people can be supportive of other victims of narcissistic abuse in other people's threads here but not with me (maybe they just don't like me, I don't know). It boggles my mind.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-20-2019, 10:54 PM #8
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792 (SuperPoster!)

1,649 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Like my my thread in this forum! 3 different posters pretty much invalidated my belief that the guy I encountered is a narcissist, making excuses for his behavior instead of validating my feelings about it. Then when i called them out on invalidating me, they deny it. I don't understand how these same people can be supportive of other victims of narcissistic abuse in other people's threads here but not with me (maybe they just don't like me, I don't know). It boggles my mind.
And that is all I did for years, telling myself:

"Maybe I misunderstood"

Until I maxed out on my benefit of doubt for this person and came to see it for what it is.

So when someone else says,

"Maybe you misunderstood"

I feel like I'm being taken back to point zero, where I started.

So I wish people would read this article first.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-21-2019, 11:10 AM #9
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434

1 yr Member
110 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Thank you for the real life examples. You always make articulate arguments and write so eloquently!

So I have a question about disregard for boundaries "including her own" part. Is she cool with it when someone flirts with her partner?

I know someone like the one you described, but I've never attempted to stoop to her level and flirt with her man, so I am not sure what the reaction would be.
No, she would immediately say something insulting or snarky to anyone who tried to have a platonic conversation with her boyfriend at the time.

The irony? She became a licensed life coach.

So, people are paying a Narcissist for life advice.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 11:14 AM #10
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 434

1 yr Member
110 hugs
given
Default Re: Abusers "Flying Under the Radar"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
And that is all I did for years, telling myself:

"Maybe I misunderstood"

Until I maxed out on my benefit of doubt for this person and came to see it for what it is.

So when someone else says,

"Maybe you misunderstood"

I feel like I'm being taken back to point zero, where I started.

So I wish people would read this article first.
Isn't it strange how quickly people are to invalidate the victim of Narcissistic abuse, as though we're the crazy ones, when that's not the case at all. It infuriates me, b/c these people are either complete idiots, or they don't respect me to begin with, to say something so dismissive.

What really irks me, is people who tell me that b/c I'm not a licensed mental health professional, that I'm not qualified to judge if a man or woman is a Narcissist. So, to those people I say, "what makes you think you're qualified to invalidate my life experience so quickly?" They're not, of course. But they believe the internet gives them license to do so.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:57 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.