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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: California
Posts: 81
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#21
Another thought, contact your Pediatrician! Someone needs to get involved, perhaps even calling 911?
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bdgirl9918
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 3,111
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#22
Is there anyone you could live with...a friend or relative? I am so sorry; I had a mother like that. Know that her abuse has nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with her insecurity ad whatever issues she has.....It is difficult to understand that and not believe the abuse; The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. When she abuses you, can you leave the house for awhile or go into your room? When you her her abuse try NOT to respond. Abusers are emotional vampires and they need you to constantly apologize and explain yourself.
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bdgirl9918
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#23
Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone’s house to go to. My best friend is also in an abusive household, and the rest of my family lives too far. Even so, I would be afraid to as she might track me down and endanger everyone.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: Among the stars
Posts: 405
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#24
I see that you originally made this post in March. How have things been since then?
__________________ ~nonbinary trans individual with they/them pronouns who desires to be a knight in shining armor~ |
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#25
Unfortunately, it’s been the same. She’s still very abusive as always. I went to the counselor which was a horrible experience and nothing was ever done. She wanted to tattle tell on me to my mom, and she also screamed at me to shut up and stop crying. I begged her to please not call my parents and she told me that she isn’t a child and won’t listen to me. I keep getting body shamed all the time even though I’m very lean and fit. I also keep getting cussed out and have had things almost chucked at me ( my dad has to block the objects she tries to throw at me ). My dad knows the abuse happens and tries to calm my mom, but I believe he is also scared of her so nothing much gets done. I had a heart to heart with him in private and he told me to not tell anyone about the abuse because he doesn’t want CPS coming to our house. He told me it would all be over in 2 years when I graduate and plan to move to New York for college. I told him my mom calls me a retard all the time and he said “That’s her way of encouraging you”. It was heartbreaking. My mom is planning on coming to New York with us and I honestly wouldn’t be able to deal with it if she does. I just wish this nightmare would be over.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: Among the stars
Posts: 405
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#26
Quote:
__________________ ~nonbinary trans individual with they/them pronouns who desires to be a knight in shining armor~ |
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bdgirl9918
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Open Eyes
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#27
Thank you. I just feel so helpless because of my dad not doing much about the abuse at all. I might try the teacher thing, but they almost always just refer you to that same social worker at school who treated me horribly. I really don’t want to go back to her just in case she is able to find out my mom’s contact info. If she does, I don’t think I’ll be going back home that day in fear of something really horrible happening to me.
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CANDC
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,408
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#28
Quote:
or whatever city you live in. Having a confidant that you can trust seems really important. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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bdgirl9918
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#29
First of all a thousand HUGS to you kiddo.You have reached out for help and you are brave enough to tell your story here.Good job sweet pea.You are a smart beautiful girl.Your story hits too close to home for me.I went through such horrific childhood.My mother was physically abusive too.I am so sorry it didn't workout with the social workers.Your mom is extremely abusive just like my mom was and I know what happens as a result.Your dad seems to acknowledge the abuse but denies any help.My dad sided with my mom and the abuse never existed in his eyes.Your dad is scared too ,but the good thing is he acknowledged. You said you Can't have a recorded evidence because she spies on you.I don't know how I can save you,but I sincerely wish I could.I will tell you how I survived those years.I found out ways to pacify the monster of my mom.After coming from school I did all the chores.I had younger siblings,I took care of their needs.I cooked cleaned.I never asked my mom for anything and avoided all conversations with her,physically stayed in another part of the house.My mom used to rage by just looking at me.So I made a couple of good friends at school and go to their homes from school.I was fortunate enough that some of those parents were kind enough to let me stay a couple of hours,fed me supper and let me do my homework in peace.
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#30
Try to minimize the time you need to spend in her presence.I know it is tough to focus in such situation,but continue your education and it will be your ticket out of your hell.My heart aches for you sweety.Stay safe and give us an update.
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bdgirl9918
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#31
If you can,try to get a puppy.I did.Pets help to fill the emotional void that is created by parental abuse.They become our best friends. The abuse didn't stop for me,but I could cope with it.If you are interested crafts are good stressbusters.I learned knitting,crocheting, embroidery, tailoring,unhooking etc.There are some very good instructional videos online.Learning these skill will make your mind occupied .Stay safe cupcake.You will be alright.Praying for you.
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bdgirl9918
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#32
I am sorry read it as rughooking not unhooking.Typo.
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bdgirl9918
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#33
Thank you so much for your advice! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I will try to figure out a way to record her if I can. I’m not sure how since, as I said before, she spies on my phone and she also has smashed phones to bits and pieces before out of rage. I am a competitive dancer so I spend a lot more time at dance and I have started to increase my time to almost every day of the week so I can avoid going home. I also am currently in a musical which I have rehearsal for quite often, and I have a lot of homework nowadays that keeps me occupied and mostly out of her way. However though, she does barge in sometimes and follow me to yell at me, or she forces me to come to her or my punishment will be worse. Since I am a lot more busy now, she doesn’t have as much time to yell at me anymore since I usually go straight to bed when I come home. I think I’m safe... for now. I will just have to figure something out when my schedule starts to lighten up a bit and I have to be at home more often.
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Mendingmysoul
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#34
Yes, I have a dog who I believe, is what is keeping me from losing it at this point. Sometimes pets are better than people. At least most of the people that I know.
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Mendingmysoul
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#35
I was thinking about you.I am glad to hear from you.Your mother barges in,of course she does.They don't honor boundaries.They can create misery out of nothing. Life is really hard when our own parents are like that.Take as many distractions as you can.Once you are an adult, you can move out or go to college out of state.Being away physically far away from her will bring some solace to your heart.I am guessing your dad doesn't want you to complain about your mother,but he knows you are suffering. Maybe you can spend some quality time with your dad when your mom is not present.My dad ignored the fact that mom abused me.And was angry if I tried to tell him.He liked to pretend my mom was an angel.But he himself was ok with me.I had some good time with him.It kept me sane.If your dad is nice to you,find a common interest with him and try to connect with him emotionally. I am guessing he too is scared of your mom.In that case he will connect with you emotionally.Me and my dad used to sing songs together discussed about movies,astronomy things like that.It took my mind away from the abuse.I am telling you about what worked for me,in the hope that something may as well work for you to cope and survive,until a real solution comes your way.Good luck to you.
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bdgirl9918
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#36
And please...please...update us.If you want to PM me,you are most welcome.Be safe dear.
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bdgirl9918
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#37
Thank you so much. My dad and I have a very close relationship when my mom isn’t around and we spend quite some time together during the week. I do believe he is scared of my mom or what my happen if authorities do come to our house. I think that is why he tries to make excuses for my mom or tell me to apologize to her when I had done nothing so that the problem can be solved ( it never does get solved though ). He doesn’t do much when she verbally or emotionally abuses me. He just steps in when things get physical, and then he tells me to keep quiet about it when I’m at school. However, I plan on moving out of state with my dad in two years because I will be graduating early. I don’t know if my mom will come, but she said that she plans to. Hopefully though she won’t so that I can finally be away from her. Again, thank you so much for your help and support. It is very much appreciated.
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Mendingmysoul
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Mendingmysoul
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
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#38
Thank you dear for the update.I am glad you have a good relationship with your father. My mom knew I had better relationship with my dad.She tried very hard to convince him that I was a bad girl and not worthy of his love or attention.Some times he believed it and asked me to oblige my mother more.So I understand when you say your dad makes you to apologize to her for no reason.My childhood situation is so similar to yours.Honey,try some self soothing,take care of your health,eat well and sleep well.You will be needing extra strength. So please take care of your health.Your quality time with your dad,be very secretive about it,if she witnesses she may get jealous and try to spoil it.My mom did.She became extremely jealous if somebody gave me attention.She went to extra ordinary lengths to spoil it for me and made people turn away from me by spreading lies.Life is not easy if such kind of people are our mothers.All the best sweet pea.
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Dallas
Posts: 22
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#39
Thank you for the advice. I will surely keep it in mine. My mom always complains that my dad spoils me rotten and that I spend more time with him than I do her. However, when I do spend time with her, that’s when she abuses me so that’s why I don’t spend a lot of time with her. Also, it’s the fact that my dad is able to get off of work earlier than her so we spend more time together. I do try to take care of my body too. I try to eat healthy and workout by dancing. My mom ridicules my weight a lot and always makes me weigh myself even though I am very muscular and lean. She tries to encourage me to skip meals or eat less, although I don’t eat big portions. Luckily, due to my schedule, she isn’t around when I am having my meals so I can now worry less about that.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 3,111
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#40
Sounds to me she is probably jealous of the time you spend with your dad...The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. People who are abusive are excruciatingly insecure; they dislike/hate themselves and take it out on others.
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bdgirl9918
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