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Old 03-28-2019, 10:14 PM   #11
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Default Re: Help! Advice for very abusive mother!

Welcome to pc. Please be safe
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Old 03-29-2019, 05:54 PM   #12
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Default Re: Help! Advice for very abusive mother!

See if you can find a way to record her when it happens. If you have a smartphone you can use the voice record feature.
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Old 03-30-2019, 06:38 AM   #13
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Default Re: Help! Advice for very abusive mother!

Your dad should be protecting you. Unfortunately, some parents choose to ignore the abuse. Let us know how it goes with the counselor. You should not have to live in violence and fear.
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Old 04-10-2019, 09:36 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bdgirl9918 View Post
I will try to talk to my counselor tomorrow. If it gets extremely ugly (not that it isnít already), but if I feel that my life is in imminent danger, I will contact the police. I donít think she cares about the cops though as she says ďI donít care if I go to jail because all of you will be living on the streets if I do and it will be all your faultĒ, and it might be hard to coerce them because she abuses me in private. But yes, I will be discussing this with a counselor and will contact the cops if I feel that my life is in danger. Thank you so much.
This is not your fault. It is her fault she get arrested because she broke the law. Trust me you will not be thrown out into the street you will mostly stay with other family and it will be her fault not yours.
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Old 04-10-2019, 10:54 PM   #15
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You should talk to the counselor indefinitely. And continue to talk and ask for advice on what you should do. If you tell your counselor not to call your Mom, then it has to be respected. But if the counselor believes that you are being abused or in danger, then by law she is required to alert Child Services, who will investigate the case, and find concrete evidence of abuse. If you have text messages from your mother, that are hurtful, or threatening then screen shot them. I would recommend voice recording conversations, therefor if she says that she is going to physically abuse you, there would be proof. At your age, if you are taken by Child Services, you would more likely be put in the foster care system, or family (depending on situation). I experienced this a lot when I was a teenager. My advice is to contact someone and find help. During the time your case is being investigated, be a "golden daughter" and do what she asks ect. Maybe joining in after school clubs to have the chance to be away from here for a longer period of time. I understand how hard it is, I never felt loved as a teen, I was the "Cinderella" and the punching bag for my Mother. Depending on the severity of the case, it could take a month to up to a year. Hang in there, and try not to listen to the negativity of your mother, who is probably putting her own insecurities on you. There are many websites that help kids and teens with abuse, maybe try and talk to one of them or in general find more information on your state's CPS (Child protective services) it will be able to inform you what is evidence, what is illegal, and other ways on how to find help. I'm sorry that you have had this kind of traumatic childhood, but I am happy that you are reaching out for help.
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Old 04-11-2019, 08:58 AM   #16
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Default Re: Help! Advice for very abusive mother!

This is just awful. Normally I tend to try not to advise people to automatically involve authorities but in this case it is an absolute must! Go to your counselor asap whether or not you have video proof. If you cant find a counselor maybe the nurse or any teacher you are comfortable with. There is so much harm being done- harm you will not even realize until you are older. You can call anonymously and report your own abuse to child protective services/social services/children and youth- or whatever its called in your town. (DFPS - Texas Child Protective Services (CPS))
This will escalate. When an investigation is opened or your parents are involved-your mother will try to make you guilty, or make nice to you, be angry with you, push your dad to pile on- so many things could happen. DO not take the bait. Do not engage her. If you are not home do not go anywhere with her or take her calls. Do not feel guilty or that this is your fault.
Do you have family members that you could stay with?
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Old 04-11-2019, 10:40 AM   #17
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Default Re: Help! Advice for very abusive mother!

I hope you spoke to someone and that you're safe now. Whenever you're able to, I hope you reach out to us and give us and update. We all care about you. <3
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Old 04-14-2019, 10:25 AM   #18
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Iím sending hugs, I hope youíre safe
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Old 07-23-2019, 02:00 PM   #19
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Update:

Sorry it took so long. Iíve been very busy lately. I went and talked to the social worker at my school which ended up being a total nightmare. I told her not to call my parents as this would result in my mom beating me up or worse. She then still tried to call my mom, but thankfully did not have her contact info on my file. She called my dad instead and told him everything I said. She said she wanted to tell my mom everything I said. I was crying profusely because I didnít want my parents to know I went to the social worker. I begged the social worker to please not call them or give them anymore information afterwards. She then proceeded to yell at me ďShut up and stop crying! Iím not a child and you wonít tell me what to do. If I want to call your parents, I can.Ē She then called me in the next day and told me that she called CPS, but they arenít going to do anything because ďthereís not enough evidence.Ē Thankfully my dad did not punish me or tell my mom. He is really the only one in my family that is keeping me from losing it and keeping my mom from severely injuring me. My mom still calls me fat all the time. She has me on a diet and even suggested that I start skipping meals. She also made me try on a swimsuit for her and then proceeded to tell me that I was so fat in it. Iím 5í5 1/2Ē and I weigh 120lbs. The doctor said that I am at a perfect weight for my height, and I am also a competitive dancer so I am very active and fit. Not too long ago, my mom wanted me to watch a movie with her. The movie was really bad and halfway through, I told her I wasnít enjoying it very much so I was going to go to bed. She then screamed at me that I am a spoiled brat and a diva. She then told me to ďget the **** out of her faceĒ. I apologized profusely and I headed to my bathroom to get ready for bed as I was crying. She then proceeded to try to chuck a full water bottle at me, but my dad stopped her. She then stormed into the bedroom/bathroom and told me that I am ďfull of ********Ē. About two days ago, my dad took me to go swimming at a community pool at the gym. It was just us, so I started telling him about the abuse. Unfortunately, he really didnít understand. I told him that she keeps calling me a retard all the time and criticizes my grades and intelligence. He simply told me that ďthatís just her way of encouraging you.Ē I kept telling him how she cusses me out, puts me down, and tries to beat me. He then told me to never go to the social worker again because he doesnít want someone to investigate our household or arrest my mom. This was so disappointing and I felt defeated. He knows the abuse goes on and yet he just lets it happen. Maybe itís because heís scared my mom will hurt him or divorce him. She threatens him too sometimes and is just abusive to really everyone in the household, but mostly towards me. He just told me that it will be all over in 2 years when I graduate from high school ( Iím graduating two years early because I am in very advanced academic classes at school). I plan on moving to New York with my dad when I go to college as I would still be a minor and will need accompaniment. He said that he doesnít think my mom will move with us, but she keeps mentioning that she plans to. I honestly donít know what I will do if she does move with us. My life is already a living hell and I donít know how Iím going to survive another 2 years and possibly more with her.

Also, about recording her abusing me. I donít think that will work because she always checks my phone after abusing me to see if I contacted anyone about it. If she found out I was recording her, she would smash my phone (she has smashed the electronics in our house before, including phones), and she would also probably physically harm me. I just canít seem to find a way to document her abuse that would provide substantial evidence. Itís all a he said - she said situation because a lot of the abuse is verbal and emotional. My dad usually jumps in before it becomes very physical so there are no bruises or injuries that I can really show.

Last edited by bdgirl9918; 07-23-2019 at 02:32 PM..
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Old 07-23-2019, 02:54 PM   #20
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Default Re: Help! Advice for very abusive mother!

bdgirl,

I can tell you one thing for certain, you are not a retard and you have very good writing skills for a 14 year old. Regarding your mother, I suggest you seek counseling in some way. My mother also was incredibly abusive to me, although only in an emotional form. Take comfort that I have lived a long time past the abuse, but you will need to rectify inside you what your mom never gave you--healthy love. I applaud you coming onto this website and seeking help, that is quite a mature decision for someone your age.

Hopefully, the school counselor can get you assigned to a proper child psychologist. You will need therapy to heal and overcome the vicious nature of your mother. I wish I had gone to therapy myself, but I didn't have the knowledge that therapy existed. If you don't seek counseling, you will suffer like I did. You will need to understand that what your mother is doing is not your fault and learn to cope.

Perhaps eventually, if you can get the county involved, your father will gain the courage to leave your mother and take you with him. This is not a proper environment for you.

Kudos to you,

--sarc
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