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Default Sep 13, 2019 at 04:49 PM
  #41
Perhaps that is the case. She puts on a nice act in public and will be nice to after she abuses me ( I’m assuming to gain my trust back again so she can rip me apart ). She said that she used to have an eating disorder as a teenager, yet she tries to encourage me to start forming an eating disorder. No matter what, her behavior isn’t acceptable to me in anyway and I generally feel very unsafe around her, especially if I am alone with her. I will definitely look into the book as many people have recommended it to me, and I see if I can find some way to read it without my parents finding out that I am because I would get in huge trouble for doing so. Thank you for the reply.
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Default Sep 13, 2019 at 09:10 PM
  #42
Sounds similar.My mom always had problem with my eating.No disrespect but she was flat chested,I started developing very curvy and attractive body around your age and she started telling me I will be fat one day.She showed me one of an obese aunt and started body shaming me that soon I will be looking like her and no body will like me when I grow up.But my classmates told me I had a good physique. DONOT INTERNALIZE WHAT SHE IS TELLING YOU.Eat well and exercise. She is body shaming you just like my mom did.This age is important to you.your body needs good nourishment.god bless you my dear.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:38 PM
  #43
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Originally Posted by CANDC View Post
Hi bdgirl9918. Welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry you endure abusive behavior from your parent. No one should have to go through that.

As you have mentioned it is not easy to endure the lying and abusive behavior that they disquise and hide from others. There are no really good options but these articles may help. The most powerful tool that you have is not reacting. It seems from your story that they are looking for a reaction for you. It sounds like your dad may be under your mother's thumb also.

this is a good forum to post in
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

3 Signs You Have Emotionally Neglectful Parents

5 Survival Tactics You Use to Maintain a Relationship with Your Abusive Parent | Happily Imperfect

Coping When You Have a Narcissistic Parent

If you ever feel your life is in danger then dial the police and tell them you do not feel safe in your home and that you want to be removed from the home for your own safety. At that point if you are being physically abused then this option may be necessary, but only if you feel endangered. It may make things worse but if you feel your life is in danger then this may be worth considering. Of course your mother will probably deny the whole thing so this is really a last resort. Hopefully the other articles will give you ideas how to cope without things getting so far out of hand.
That is great advice. I wish that I had thought about that myself.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:40 PM
  #44
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Originally Posted by bdgirl9918 View Post
I will try to talk to my counselor tomorrow about it. I honestly refuse to go home if she gets called because I am certain she will physically harm me. Unfortunately, there is nobody that I know that I could stay with. Even if there was, I would not feel safe doing it because I know she will attempt to track me down and that would endanger everyone.

I try to avoid her when she gets mad, but she follows me or demands that I come out of my room and threatens me and will physically drag me out if I don’t.
Is there a resources officer at the school? Ask them for helo?
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:43 PM
  #45
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I am a 14 year old girl who struggles with dealing with emotionally, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse from my mother. She constantly calls me obese and dietabic even though my doctor says IÂ’m a bit underweight. She says I am a retard if I donÂ’t answer a math question fast enough or if I do not know the meaning of a word, but I am at the top of my class. She threatens to beat me”, she throws stuff at me, and has threatened to set my room on fire in my sleep before.

She has caused me to have anxiety attacks, especially when she chews me out and curses at me. I tend to cry in these situation and then she mocks me and calls me a diva. She then proceeds to use foul language towards me and then make more threats. When I make a wonderful grade on a test, she tells me that I am a retard and that I only got that grade because my school is too easy. If I make a good grade, but not perfect, she goes on a rant about how I will never amount to anything or be able to go to university.

She does all of this in private though and when I ask my dad to please help, it becomes a he said - she said situation. She plays the victim, lies to him, and tells him that I abused her. My dad has walked in on some of our abusive situations and she then threatens divorce if he stands up for me. She then says that if she divorces, it is my fault and I ripped the family apart.

This has gone on for 7 years. I remember the first time when she abused me. I was throwing a tantrum at age 7, and she actually called a mental ward and told me she would make them put me in a straight jacket and give me electric shock therapy. I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and tried to call my dad. She tried to kick down the door of the bathroom so I came out and she punished me.

She has gotten so angry before that she actually kicked in one of our doors. When I was 12, she got mad at me while driving and threatened to throw me out of the car into oncoming traffic. She then locked me in the car when we got home and I had to wait for my dad to unlock it for me after 15-25 minutes. Last summer, she cursed at me in the car and told me to “get the hell out of the car”. We were at a stop and my father was in front of us. I ran out of the car and into his. She then curses me out and said she was going to “beat the **** out of me”.

When we got home, she got a metal object and attempted to hit me with it. My dad step in and protected me. She then took my phone and tried to read my messages to see if I told anyone about it. Before the beginning of school, I packed my bag and some supplies were on the table still. She then proceeded to call me a “dirty piece of ****”. She told me I am a diva and said she was going to try to pull me out of my school because I am a drama queen who doesn’t deserve friends.

In September, I had to get blood drawn and I have a fear of needles. I was crying and she told me that I am an embarrassment and to shut up because I was purposely trying to scare the other patients. She then slapped me and had the nurses pin me down. She has been calling me fat all the time lately, but I am very muscular and lean. My dad told her to stop so she doesn’t do it everyday now, but she still hints at it quite often. She tells “ You need to dance more. It is obvious you need exercise.”, “You’ve gotten really big lately”, “Why can’t you be like those models on the TV? They’re skinny”, “You should stop eating so much”,

“ I liked it better when you were lost 15 pounds ( I got very ill and became almost anorexic looking )”. When I got ill, she told me I was not allowed to gain any weight back even though I was disturbingly underweight. Last night was the breaking point for me. I cleaned my bathroom lately and the mirror was a bit streaked because of the cleaner. I tried multiple times to make it look better, but nothing worked. She came in and cursed me out for it saying “You purposely did that you lazy ***. I hate you. You so full of ****. Everything that comes out of your mouth is ********. You could have found a way to make it looked better, but you didn’t even try.”.

I told her I did my best and I couldn’t do anything about it because it wouldn’t go away no matter what. She then said that what I said was ****. I started crying and begged her to please stop cursing. She then began to mock my crying and faked cried and said “Look at me. I am such a lazy *** diva. I tried Mom . I tried” she then stopped and said that was ********. She then said that I am no longer allowed to go to my school or to university because I am such a diva. My dad walked in and she said that I called her abusive even though I didn’t.

She said that I drove her to cursing and that I am playing the victim and that I am the one who is causing the issues. When he left she told me she was going to “Beat the **** out of me and that I better watch out”. I cried myself to sleep last night and told my closest friend about it. This morning she acted like nothing happened until she asked me the meaning of some SAT words. I didn’t know the meaning so she asked my dad and he answered correctly. She said “Your dad can get it. Why can’t you? You think you can study your words once and you’re a genius? You clean your bathroom horribly and you think you’re so hard working?” I feel awful today.

I am considering talking to the counselor at school, but she will call my mom and anger her further. I fear for my life if she finds out. I will probably apologize and accept full blame for what she did like I always do. Please help.
It is not your fault if your family breaks up because it your mom fault. Have you ask a friend to make anonymously phone call to the police or social service?
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:47 PM
  #46
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Originally Posted by bdgirl9918 View Post
Thank you for replying so fast and for giving me great advice. I will try not to react. It is very hard because it truly hurts me and lows my self esteem greatly. If things get extremely out of hand, I will call the police. I am just scared because my mother is extremely abusive and I fear for my own safety if she were to find out I told anyone about anything ( I am using an private tab right now ). She is also my family’s only source of income and I am scared of what may happen if I tell and my family could possibly become homeless. Thank you again.
Let me assure you that you will not become homeless if you tell on your mom. Please call the cops and show them them the physical abuse.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:49 PM
  #47
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You should sit and talk to your school counselor about what you are dealing with. What you are describing is abuse. What you could try to do is find some after school activities you could do so you are not home as much too. Join some after school clubs etc.

I am sorry your mother is abusive towards you. Please know that there is something wrong with her and it's not your fault and you ARE worth more than she is saying to you. It's unfortunate, but we can't pick our parents and some parents are very dysfunctional. All the more reason to continue doing well in school, get an education so you can get away from her. It's hard right now at 14, but do your best to reach out for help, there should be a counselor at school you can sit and talk to.

If your mother is the sole provider, that's a lot of stress and she is probably unhappy about this and is taking that out on you.

Doesn't your father work?
That great advice.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:50 PM
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Hello bdgirl: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you are living under such abusive conditions. No one deserves to be treated the way it sounds like you're being treated. I don't know as I have any good advice to offer you. You mentioned possibly talking to the counselor at school. And that sounds like it might be a good place to start if-&-when you feel you can. In the meantime, hopefully, coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. My best wishes to you.
I agree.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:51 PM
  #49
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My father works with my mom at their business, but she is ultimately the one who gets paid. He is just there to help I suppose, but yes, he works everyday with her.
Have you thought about asking why he will not leave her?.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:52 PM
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Iwould suggest talking to the counselor at school; yes, confronted with the abuse your mother will be angry, but you have to start somewhere. Is there a friend or relative you could stay with for awhile? your mother is full of rage, but not at you.....she has issues she has never dealt with. Verbal abuse can escalate to physical abuse, and you need a way to be safe from her. You do NOt cause her to abuse you.She CHOOSES that. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life; I had a mother like that. The best you can do, is to stop talking to her or trying to defend yourself (hard to do, I know). I hope you will talk to the counselor, and let her know you fear for your life, and why. Can you go to your room, or outside when she starts the abuse? Please do not accept the blame for HER abuse; it is her choice.
That is great advice.
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Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:55 PM
  #51
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I will try to talk to my counselor tomorrow. If it gets extremely ugly (not that it isn’t already), but if I feel that my life is in imminent danger, I will contact the police. I don’t think she cares about the cops though as she says “I don’t care if I go to jail because all of you will be living on the streets if I do and it will be all your fault”, and it might be hard to coerce them because she abuses me in private. But yes, I will be discussing this with a counselor and will contact the cops if I feel that my life is in danger. Thank you so much.
Have you thought about contacting a local.shelter for abuse? This is not your fault and how can you be thrown out in the streets of she is in jail. She is using scare tactics with you. My mom did the same thing. She has to offer prove that you need to be committed which she can not do.
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Default Nov 03, 2019 at 11:18 PM
  #52
I havenÂ’t contacted a shelter because anything that results in me not getting removed from my household immediately and my mom getting contacted about me reporting her will result in me getting seriously harmed. I havenÂ’t contact CPS either for this reason because I know most kids donÂ’t get removed immediately and the parents get alerted about the report. I do believe that my mother will physically harm me if she knows I told someone. The counselors at my school also alert my parents that I reported them so I have avoided talking to them after what happened when I did talk to them. I just feel helpless because I believe there is no way of getting out of this abuse until I graduate. Even then, my mom plans on moving with me when I go to college. I have no clue how to cut off all contact with her even though I know I need to because sheÂ’s toxic.
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Default Nov 03, 2019 at 11:20 PM
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Is there a resources officer at the school? Ask them for helo?
There’s a counselor at my school who decided to scream at me for crying about the situation and tried to call my mom to tell her that I reported her. She didn’t have my mom’s contact info on file ( thank goodness ) so she called my dad instead. That’s as far as help goes at my school.
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Default Nov 03, 2019 at 11:21 PM
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It is not your fault if your family breaks up because it your mom fault. Have you ask a friend to make anonymously phone call to the police or social service?
My friends reported this incident to our school counselor who then screamed at me for crying and attempted to tattle - tell on me to my mom.
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Default Nov 03, 2019 at 11:29 PM
  #55
Update 11/03/2019:

My mother is still continuing to abuse me. She screamed at me the other day for crying because a school teacher made very rude remarks towards me. She told me this morning that I need to lose weight because she said I had cellulite which only fat people have. She also called me fat last week after seeing my headshot photo that I had done for a musical I’m in. She then told me that I need to start dieting ( I’m already on a diet even though I’m thin ). Just a few minutes ago, she told me that I always try to start an argument with her after I told her that it’s a shame that I don’t dance as much as I would like to because of my schedule that I have for a musical I’m in. After I said that, she then randomly brought up that I need to be studying harder for my SAT because she said no college will want me if I have bad grades ( I have had straight A’s my whole life ) and that I need to get a perfect score like she did otherwise I’m an idiot. She kept yelling at me that I need to go to med school and they won’t accept me because I am too stupid and because I want to major in musical theater/dance, which she disapproves of greatly. She says if I want to please her, I’ll become a doctor or a lawyer - both of which I have no passion or desire for.
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Default Nov 06, 2019 at 10:34 PM
  #56
I do not know how to rescue you,except praying for you.God bless you kid.
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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:44 AM
  #57
I am shocked at your counselor's behavior; they should be trained in how to help someone. Is there a teacher you can trust to talk to? You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline; they can be very helpful. Make sure you do it away from your mom. This is verbal abuse just as dangerous and traumatic as physical violence. Her abuse has nothing to do with who you are. She is full of rage and hates herself and takes it out on you. She wants to control your life, but she cannot; once you turn 18, you can get away from her. I had a mother like that, and so I understand. xo
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Default Nov 11, 2019 at 10:06 PM
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I am shocked at your counselor's behavior; they should be trained in how to help someone. Is there a teacher you can trust to talk to? You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline; they can be very helpful. Make sure you do it away from your mom. This is verbal abuse just as dangerous and traumatic as physical violence. Her abuse has nothing to do with who you are. She is full of rage and hates herself and takes it out on you. She wants to control your life, but she cannot; once you turn 18, you can get away from her. I had a mother like that, and so I understand. xo


Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately, I am afraid to talk to the teachers at my school because I’m either not close to them, or since I attend such a small school, word will get out to everyone. If anything, they’d probably refer me back to the social worker who made those remarks towards me. I, however, have been talking to my best friend about this because her mother is very similar to mine, so I have someone to relate to. I don’t believe that talking to her will change my situation, but it at least gives me some emotional stability. I haven’t called the hotline yet, but CPS has been contacted before and nothing was done because there “wasn’t enough evidence”. I will be graduating high school early next year when I am sixteen. I plan on moving to either New York or Boston to pursue a dance or musical theater major in college, and I plan on moving with just my dad. My mom keeps saying she will move with me though and I don’t think I can stop her. My dad has been subtly hinting to her that it is best that she stays here where we currently live, so hopefully that will help.
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