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Default May 22, 2019 at 10:44 AM
  #1
I want to be cautious and know all the red flags. I don't want to get burned again in a relationship.

But I also want to be careful not to mislabel or misjudge someone.

This PC article has been helpful in this regard:

"Borderlines...more appropriately named as “emotional dysregulation disorder” instead (Houben, 2016). While narcissists can also be emotionally explosive in their rage, due to their need to have a “false mask“ or public persona, they have more impulse control, can fly under the radar, control their behavior more easily if there is a witness present or if they need to engage in impression management."

The Differences Between Abusers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Borderline Personality Disorder

I've noticed this difference also. People who are simply struggling with mental illness manifest their behavior in public. But a narc abuser only shows his or her real-self to you.
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Default May 22, 2019 at 06:26 PM
  #2
Quote:
People who are simply struggling with mental illness manifest their behavior in public. But a narc abuser only shows his or her real-self to you.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are also struggling with a mental illness.

Even keeping in mind that they have a mental illness, it is difficult to feel compassion for someone with NPD. I certainly don't feel a great deal of compassion for my mother. And of course, as the article stated,

Quote:
While we can certainly be compassionate towards anyone struggling with their mental health, we must also learn to be compassionate to ourselves, set healthy boundaries with others and recognize when we are being mistreated.
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Default May 26, 2019 at 03:00 PM
  #3
Good posts ennie and Bill3


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Default Jun 04, 2019 at 12:40 PM
  #4
“While it is helpful to learn the differences between these two disorders, at the end of the day, the way a specific person treats you and its impact upon you is usually a better indication of the toxicity present in the relationship than any diagnostic label. If a person is chronically abusive and unwilling to get help to change their abusive behavior, it is important to engage in self-care, seek professional support and consider detaching from the relationship if it is severely affecting your ability to lead a healthy, happy life.”

I like this paragraph at the end of the article.

When I read this article, I think about the actions of my mother and myself. I always give mental examples of the severity of the acts done and things said. For example; the article talks about the rage one has. But it doesn’t discuss if the event that caused the extreme anger in someone wasn’t truly an extremely hurtful act. Wouldn’t a non-disordered person be extremely angry from an abusive act?

So I keep my own behavior in check and don’t allow others to abuse me.

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Default Jun 07, 2019 at 07:15 PM
  #5
Now I have alarm bells go off if I think I am dealing with a disordered person and get out of the relationship before it even becomes one. I pay attention to how I feel before and after seeing someone and if I feel worse, pay attention to that. If things they say don't make sense or seem to add up to the truth, or they have some many unbelievable stories it is impossible to keep track of them, or there are oddities in their behavior, I don't just let it stride. I'm on active surveillance for not letting disordered people in my life because of the harm that I have experienced. It is not so hard to stay away from disordered people as long as they are not family members, in which case that is a very tough situation.

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