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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 07:31 AM
  #41
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Originally Posted by tecomsin View Post
I did have a look, HappyCrafter. I am sorry your mother was a psychopathic abuser. Unfortunately it doesn't help me to read of other people's abusive childhoods.
Ok. I hear you.

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 07:37 AM
  #42
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I am managing myself better because I am in treatment but no one else is in our family. My husband and I went to a VA family therapist twice then when we were given the option to request a therapist in the community, we did and are still waiting on the authorization to go to someone else. Other things may be happening/moving this week but since they are about others, I shouldn't discuss. Thanks for your concern.
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Wait, you are MOVING on top of this? And VA as in Veteran's Administration? You're a military family?

I hear you on respecting others. I understand.

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 09:12 AM
  #43
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If you want to get rid of the shame or at least lower its hold on you, go to Creative Corner and read my chapters I posted there. I go over how I was abused and how I faced the emotions I inherited from my abusers that fueled my bullying behavior. There are three chapters there and they can be read in about 30 minutes, give or take.

I wish you the best always!! xoxoxoxox
I think the material you suggested for me to read about healing should come with a trigger warning. I fell quite physically ill last night and am wondering if it was a reaction to reading it.

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 09:46 AM
  #44
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@TunedOut

Wait, you are MOVING on top of this? And VA as in Veteran's Administration? You're a military family?

I hear you on respecting others. I understand.
By moving, I meant things are happened which makes it a bad time to discuss the situation any further. My husband and I both served. That is where we met.
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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 10:29 AM
  #45
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I think the material you suggested for me to read about healing should come with a trigger warning. I fell quite physically ill last night and am wondering if it was a reaction to reading it.
Tecomsin,

I am sorry if my writing made you ill. The trigger warning is in the title of all chapters I post of my writing. But, I will add additional warnings to the bodies.

Best Always,
HC

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 10:31 AM
  #46
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By moving, I meant things are happened which makes it a bad time to discuss the situation any further. My husband and I both served. That is where we met.
@TunedOut

Ok, now I understand. I thank you for your service to our country. I would like to hear what military life is like, if you are up to it. If not, I respect your decision.

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 12:03 PM
  #47
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Tecomsin,

I am sorry if my writing made you ill. The trigger warning is in the title of all chapters I post of my writing. But, I will add additional warnings to the bodies.

Best Always,
HC
I didn't notice the red symbol with the x beside the titles yesterday. Maybe i was too tired.

I have a colitis condition that gets aggravated by stresses. I am not really sure what had me waking up with cramps last night. It has never happened before.

Also I am a little surprised you would send me to read something for healing that has trigger warnings. It doesn't really make sense to me. Just my opinion.

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 12:37 PM
  #48
tecomsin,

I checked because usually I am careful about that. In the screenshot, you will see the trigger warning icon, plus what I typed in all caps. I missed the one at the bottom of the page, but to double check myself, I always write trigger warning in all caps in case someone reading it is not familiar with the trigger warning icon.


As a recovering alcoholic bully, I wish I could take all of your pain away

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 01:50 PM
  #49
There's been times I hit the "hug" icon and my "hug" disappeared so I had to press it again...it could have been a computer glitch on my OS, or maybe I hit something accidently with my hand and I need to adjust the setting on my mouse sensitivity.

Technology is convenient but not perfect. I think you are being diligent as possible, so no worries! : )
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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 02:12 PM
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There's been times I hit the "hug" icon and my "hug" disappeared so I had to press it again...it could have been a computer glitch on my OS, or maybe I hit something accidently with my hand and I need to adjust the setting on my mouse sensitivity.

Technology is convenient but not perfect. I think you are being diligent as possible, so no worries! : )
@ennie

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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 09:51 PM
  #51
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@TunedOut

Ok, now I understand. I thank you for your service to our country. I would like to hear what military life is like, if you are up to it. If not, I respect your decision.
So much was going on today (working since 2 AM on two jobs and family stuff) that I am too wound up to sleep.

I didn't know what job I wanted to do so I joined the Air Force ROTC program during my last two years in college. My degree was in Elementary Education but I became a personnel officer (a bit like human resources) and at my first base, one of my extra duties was being the Youth Relations Officer so schools in the community could schedule base tours through me. I lived in the same town I had attended college. One of my ROTC friends also got stationed there and we supported each other (I remember jogging with him next to the Flightline at lunch and watching planes take off.) Our ROTC commander became the base commander. One of my college gfs liked going to the Officer's Club with me on Friday nights.

When I was dating my husband, he got an assignment overseas and we married so I could go. His assignment was to Okinawa, Japan. It was a 3 year assignment but because we really loved it (we liked sailing, camping and scuba diving there plus we always lived off base; sometimes we took free hops to other countries), we stayed nearly five years.

My last two years at that base, I served as the Executive Officer for the Logistics Group commander--I got to work with the people who maintained the aircraft (I just did paperwork ). My POV is that, this is the hardest working career field in the Air Force. People worked to keep the planes safe 24/7. Some squadrons deployed a lot, others worked night shifts. When I worked at the Base Personnel Office, many of us worked on college degrees. Though we did work some overtime, our regular schedule was 7 AM to 4 PM so you could take an evening or weekend class and it was supported. Keeping planes in the air seemed more pressing than dotting the i's and crossing the t's. I would just go find people, take notes and do the paperwork for many overworked people. I tried to make it as easy as possible for them. Though sometimes I also had to pull people up to the office or suspense them for various tasks. I found what was going on in their jobs interesting.

When this assignment ended, both my husband and I were effected by force reductions so we didn't make it to retirement. When I got to my next assignment in Hawaii, I was informed that my time with the Air Force would end at the end of the year. I was pregnant and had purposely taken a job with less responsibility thinking I would get a job at the Headquarters for the Pacific Command after the baby was older. Perhaps my decision or pregnancy effected what happened? Or maybe just not the smartest kid on the block? We didn't even unpack our stuff mostly staying in a hotel on Waikiki Beach until my time in the service ran out. That happened 26 years ago!
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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 10:18 PM
  #52
And I remember that instead of watching NFL football (the Superbowl came on at about 4 AM on a Monday morning), we watched Sumo Wrestling at the bar. On Fridays, we would walk home (didn't want to drink and drive), stopping to get sushi then many times buying a beer from the vending machine a few steps from our rental house. The drinks seemed cool (the nonalcoholic) with things like melon fizz and iced coffee. We had a view of the Love Hotel Valley. Didn't go but it was obvious the rooms and hotels had various themes/crazy motifs. (Would be hesitant to sleep there.) Most had a garage next to the room so the car inside couldn't be seen.

Not sounding like a survivor of abuse in these posts but perhaps an occassional binge drinker? I stopped drinking after my attempt. It can feed your depression. Or perhaps it's the other way around?

Last edited by TunedOut; Jun 02, 2019 at 10:30 PM..
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 07:50 AM
  #53
My brain is not awake yet; I am reading your post and it's fascinating!! I'll be back later and respond once I am not as foggybrained, LOL

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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 08:33 AM
  #54
My mother did a lot of things that were verbally and emotionally abusive. I always said I would never do any of that. I did find myself doing one thing she did and basically I traumatized myself from my inability to stop being like her. Having watched her do it ingrained something so deep in me that I involuntarily did it, too! I knew I was acting wrong, didn’t want to, but couldn’t stop.

Eventually, I got over the struggle, giving in and giving up, realizing nothing I do or say makes a difference anyway. So, I accepted the way things are and am not carrying on like my mother anymore. Plus, I started taking an anxiety med that is working wonders!

HappyCrafter— All the information about bullies say they were themselves bullied. It seems bullying others is a reaction to being bullied. The way you acted was human nature. The fact that you got help and improved yourself is very admirable. You give hope that we can all improve. I improved, too, because I wanted to.

I had unhelpful experiences with therapists. I vented away on here, read every psych article I could, and just worked and am still working on myself. Plus, the pill is magic!

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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 11:03 AM
  #55
And when you witness something as a young child, it gets ingrained. I agree with what you are saying, bullies are raised.

I am glad you got yourself through and past the obstacle. And beneficial meds on top of that? Excellent!

Isn't it wonderful to google the topics we can learn how to better manage? I love research and it just thrills me to know I can find what I need.

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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 11:25 AM
  #56
@TunedOut

What an interesting life you have! Free hops to other countries? Like which countries?

I have a dear friend who lives in Germany. She and her hubs travel around Europe and even went on a cruise where they passed the North Pole marker. She posts pictures of their trips and I just sit and drool!

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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 04:47 PM
  #57
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@TunedOut

What an interesting life you have! Free hops to other countries? Like which countries?

I have a dear friend who lives in Germany. She and her hubs travel around Europe and even went on a cruise where they passed the North Pole marker. She posts pictures of their trips and I just sit and drool!
The Phillipines (before we pulled our bases out of there in the 90s), Korea, Singapore and Thailand (Though we had not bases in Singapore and Thailand at the time, the Air Force flew there in support of our embassies). Went to Mainland Japan on a short temporary assignment.
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 08:01 PM
  #58
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The Phillipines (before we pulled our bases out of there in the 90s), Korea, Singapore and Thailand (Though we had not bases in Singapore and Thailand at the time, the Air Force flew there in support of our embassies). Went to Mainland Japan on a short temporary assignment.
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Are those countries as exotic as they sound? They must be fascinating to visit and learn about the culture!

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Default Jun 04, 2019 at 05:32 AM
  #59
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Are those countries as exotic as they sound? They must be fascinating to visit and learn about the culture!
I did not think of them as exotic. I think of it as Korea and Japan, while quite different, have a definite Asian culture vibe. While I have never been to China, I find the history of China to be fascinating. The culture, philosophy and innovative thinking is as sophisticated as Western culture (I would not want to judge which is more sophisticated only trying to say that Asian culture has a different vibe and I do not understand it all but a lot is going on there. There is much to learn from it.) In Okinawa, they traded with China and their cultural ties went back farther with China than with Japan even though Okinawa is now Japan (a prefecture of--sort of like a state).

Thailand had a bit of Asian vibe but also had a vibe that wasn't like Japan and Korea. It had a bit more of an anything goes feel to it. Did not spend enough time there and have not done enough reading to quite describe it. The people were very friendly and easygoing. The one thing I disliked about it was that I saw instances of VERY young women (I am talking about women who looked younger than 16) participating in prostitution. I did not see it much, but when I did, it turned my stomache.

Singapore had a bit of an Asian vibe but also seemed extremely orderly. I traveled to Germany in the 80s and Singapore's streets where even cleaner than Germany's. We were warned that the country had extreme consequences for littering and graffetti. Obey every rule as if your life depended on it.

The Phillipines reminded me a bit of Mexico. Very poor, lots of government corruption. Friendly people and great food. Most of the citizens are Catholic. In Japan, Korea, China, Thailand, and Singapore, other religious practices and philosophies are part of their cultures.
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Exclamation Jun 04, 2019 at 06:27 AM
  #60
Been following this for several days and am gonna interject my two cents here for what it's worth ...

As a survivor of horrendous bullying and abuse (and as someone who DID NOT become a bully or abuser) - yet while also understanding cause and effect (ie. how those being bullied and abused can - and often do - grow up to also be bullies and abusers) ...

As long as y'all know that no amount of realization, reflection and/or regret ... Nor heartfelt apologies and sorrow ... WILL EVER UNDO THE DAMAGE DONE to those who survived and/or were wrecked by your bullying and abuse, then I'm okay with you expressing your remorse here.

However, accepting said apologies from any bully or abuser is a whole other matter!

Some things are simply unforgivable - especially when it results in permanent harm to those on the receiving end of such behavior!

Perhaps, this is why those types of behaviors are best left explored in private therapy, (& AA, and whatnot) instead of publicly, because it just appears gratuitous and self-serving when done out in the open like this.

Sincerely,
Pfrog

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