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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
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#61
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@Pfrog I hear you and I thank you for giving me much to think about. __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
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#62
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I agree; different cultures are that, different. Not better or worse, they vary. It fascinates me to see different cultures and the characteristics that reflect their philosophies. Yes, prostitution breaks my heart. Anyone forced to resort to that lifestyle must be a living nightmare. Well, today, I am googling and exploring the cultures of the Far East!!! Thank you!!!!! __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 352
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#63
@Pfrog, don't you agree from your experience that bad abusers very seldom become repentant later in life, try to make amends, try to apologize? That many people with abusive behaviour, bullies, manipulators, narcissists etc. maintain into their old age that all they did was right? And that that can be extra painful for the victim?
Just a question, because that's my experience. |
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#64
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I also think it's possible that some bullies and abusers do come to realize the things they've done are wrong and are actually truly sorry for the harm it's caused. It doesn't undo the past, but it is nice to know they are at least trying to be a better human being in the here and now. I think this may be where that thing about grace comes in, but I struggle with believing in all that because my abusers completely wiped all that out for me. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#65
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happysobercrafter
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happysobercrafter
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#66
@HappyCrafter, you are a miracle story and a most incredible person. Thank you for sharing this. I am so proud of you for overcoming your old bullying ways and for wanting to help others now. Very commendable! I wish more people could be like you.
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happysobercrafter
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
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#67
@Buffy01
Yes, I have. She is not the only person I owe apologies to. I am working towards doing exactly that. __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Grand Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: USA
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#68
Happy Crafter, it takes a lot to share what you just did. You are a strong woman.
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happysobercrafter
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happysobercrafter
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
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#69
@golden_eve
Thank you, honey!!! Thank you a thousand times!! My life is so much better now than how it was when I was a bully and drinking heavily. I am happy to share my story if it helps people. __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
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#70
@Misery Business
Thank you, babes!! It took a lot of work to get me there; I am grateful for every bit of it! __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Misery Business
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#71
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happysobercrafter
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Living Entity
Member Since Jul 2014
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#72
After many years of dealing with childhood and adult trauma, I have developed a few theories. I think if as a child, the abuse is constant or on an "as needed" basis one sort of mentally removes themselves from it. Also I think we begin to act on autopilot, and perhaps model the actions of the abuser. Definitely our defenses are up and we react the only way we know how to adult issues. I think it's a matter of maturity, age and experience, when we begin to observe our own actions and determine if help is needed. Of course help won't work unless you are open to it. Some folks seek help but don't let it in.
I know myself...I have come to understand somewhat why I did certain things. I think as an abused child we don't stop to think about our actions, I know I didn't. Now that I have some understanding of my actions I can forgive myself for most of them. It's easy to hang onto the guilt (as we were programmed to do as children ) but understanding where the behavior came from can ease your conscience. I know I'm not the same person I was at 20 or 30. The other "me" did those things. Some people come to understand themselves earlier than others. I guess I'm a slow learner. I wasn't a horrible person, let's just say I was quirky. IMO therapy can only work if you want it to and no one can help you unless you accept their help. Therapy is a tool, you have to do the work. Remember YOU are a survivor! P.S. Happy Crafter, congratulations for overcome your addictions. That is quite an accomplishment! (hug) __________________ |
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happysobercrafter
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#73
@happy crafter: do you think active alcoholics are inherently bullies? I was thinking about this at my Tuesday night meeting last week. I never thought I was a bully but at the same time arguing and slurring and being a demanding mess could seem like bullying to my loved ones. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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happysobercrafter
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happysobercrafter, MuseumGhost
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
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#74
@IrisBloom
@sarahsweets I have read both of your messages and will respond to them tomorrow when my brain is fresh!! It's tired at the moment. xoxoxoxox __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
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6 9,930 hugs
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#75
@IrisBloom
I hear you. In my case, I blocked out almost my entire childhood. I barely remember any of it. I sat down a while back and wrote out what I could remember. I remember less than 3 pages of standard paper size and Ariel size 11 font. And most of what I can remember is abuse. I started searching for answers because my life was so different from others. I really don't know if it would have been best for me to learn the truth about my background when I was younger. I don't know if I could have managed the size of it. So, on being slow learners, LOL I am 62. We are in good company, you and I!! @sarahsweets Alcoholism and bullying are both symptoms of anger and insecurities that are untreated. For me, being overwhelmed with money problems and not knowing how to problem solve, I resorted to the easiest escape. So, my problems just got worse and I kept drinking to not face the messes I had created myself. I can remember several times I abused people when I was sober and when I was drunk. It took me a ton of work to understand why I behaved how I did and to accept it. But that hard work benefited me because I can see the behavior for what it is. I can see how the bad habits get locked in place and how to stop. I had to heal the parts of me that hurt because that was the foundation of why I bullied and took my anger out at others. __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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IrisBloom
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
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6 9,930 hugs
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#76
__________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Living Entity
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: La La Land
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#77
I've had several bouts of drinking. I quit on my own each (!) Time...3 I think. Never did drugs not even weed. I was a pretty mellow drunk mostly. My mouth caused some...ok a lot of offense at times. I did things I'm now ashamed of. I wont do them ever again, I do wrestle with guilt at times. I try to put the past in the past most of the time.
Btw, I didn't realize you were old like me lol __________________ |
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happysobercrafter, TunedOut
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: MO
Posts: 5,677
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6 9,930 hugs
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#78
@IrisBloom
I hear you! I wrestle with being embarrassed by things I did, also. But, they are part of who I am today. So, I try to focus on what I can do better today. __________________ "Love you. Take care of you. Be true to you. You are the only you, you will ever know the best. Reach for YOUR stars. You can reach them better than anyone else ever can." Landon Clary Eason Grateful Sobriety Fangirl Since 11-16-2007 Happy Sober Crafter |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#79
One of my classmate a year after I graduate from high school? One of my bullies apologize to me for bullying me who didn't know what kind of stress he was putting on me. One of the trolls had apologized for cyberbullying me and it wasn't anything that I had said it was just that she didn't agree with what I had said about a youtube video until she found out that her hateful comment to me was affecting her younger sister.
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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MuseumGhost
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#80
I finally apologized to my sister for interfering with my sister social life with her best friend when I was twelve years old. It felt good to let go of the shame and the anger I had felt for so long.
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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