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Default May 27, 2019 at 11:58 PM
  #1
It is amazing how a manipulative person can get others to cooperate in his or her vindictive pursuit.

But these flying monkeys are sometimes misinformed. Sometimes they genuinely believe the manipulator's version of the story because of his or her good acting.

Have you ever dealt with flying monkeys, or have you been one yourself, having been deceived by a cunning person who played the victim?

The Narcissist's Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)
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Default May 29, 2019 at 08:49 PM
  #2
Sometimes the narcissist really believes what they’re saying— my narcissist was so very smart and so very persuasive that sometimes I doubted the meaning of what I experienced. It was worse for the people who didn’t live with us and saw only a small part of what went on—they were quicker to accept her view of things. Those who knew us well were either squeezed out of our lives (my family) or threatened and bullied until they just gave up and went along with whatever she said (her mom, dad, sister). Everyone rlse was on that continuum somewhere. I’m still not sure whether my ex-wife was doing all of this according to a master plan or whether it was all just what narcissists do subconsciously. But the thing is, there were still people (friends, family, colleagues) who realized what was going on and did what they could to help. And I think that for every flying monkey there are more who are good and wise and do the right thing. So let go of the flying monkeys and concentrate on the supportive people.
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Default May 30, 2019 at 02:48 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
It is amazing how a manipulative person can get others to cooperate in his or her vindictive pursuit.

But these flying monkeys are sometimes misinformed. Sometimes they genuinely believe the manipulator's version of the story because of his or her good acting.

Have you ever dealt with flying monkeys, or have you been one yourself, having been deceived by a cunning person who played the victim?

The Narcissist's Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)
I know what you mean ennie ...

There are good true supportive people as the poster above said ....


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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 03:47 PM
  #4
Thank you for posting this ennie.

I know of a few flying monkeys, I had not heard the term before though.

I am sensitive to narcissist's and often wonder why people cannot see through them.

Kind wishes and much respect to all
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 04:20 PM
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Thank you everyone. Please advise me on how to deal with my former abuser using flying monkeys to "get to me." They are mutual contacts and they have a way of delivering "messages" to me such as letting me know that she was talking about our memories together from several years ago.
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Exclamation Jun 01, 2019 at 05:00 PM
  #6
I had to cut all contact with anyone who had any connection with my abusers and then I moved far, far away.

It isn't fair, but it's what I had to do to protect myself.

Sorry you're having to deal with this, and it's a shame the flying monkeys can't see they're being used too!

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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 08:13 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by Pfrog View Post
I had to cut all contact with anyone who had any connection with my abusers
I may have to do that, even at the cost of them wondering why in the world I'm cutting contact with them.

She says nostalgic things (I mean why out of the blue mention memories from years ago) and then make suggestions that I am the cold one giving her a silent treatment. It is an insincere move to make me look like the bad guy.

Even though I do have to bump into her at some family functions, I've cut back on those functions significantly. I only attend the ones that are really big and I absolutely can't miss.
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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 04:01 AM
  #8
eenie I understand how difficult flying monkeys can be. I went through this and ended up cutting out some people and those I remained in contact with became distant as I could not trust them not to relay my information back to the abuser.

Worst of all, the outside world perceives us as the problem for protecting ourselves.

Even the death of an abuser doesn't make us well. They already did their damage.

I still feel the flying monkeys are untrustworthy people. They have a mindset that is not true.

There is one flying monkey, I would like to have a frank, open and assertive conversation with. I hold back because I don't want to cause the flying monkey (who was brainwashed and is normally kind) any pain or suffering.

Sending you fortitude to deal with flying monkeys.
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 02:38 PM
  #9
I’ve had an on-going situation that hasn’t yet exploded, but it will. I have long seen it coming and suffered great anxiety over it.

Recently I got an email from a flying monkey requesting money from me to fuel this situation. I’m not going to contribute the money because I am the bad guy no matter what I do and it is only enabling the ‘narcissist?’.

It was really laughable to hear the ‘monkey’ say such a ridiculous reason for why this person must be enabled. I told her it is untrue and I won’t have any part of it.

So I am the bad guy and I am fine with that now. When I bent over backwards for her, I was also the bad guy anyway.

What you described is exactly what these people do. You will never get the love and respect you deserve no matter what you do, so just do what suits you best.

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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 10:31 PM
  #10
This was a great article. It reminds me of the lead mean girl and all her minions that engage in bullying. Personally I would cut contact, even if they wonder why. Its either that or tell them you do not want to hear one single thing about the narcissist anymore.

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Default Jun 04, 2019 at 08:05 AM
  #11
Yes, you can respond to the flying monkey by saying, “I am not giving the silent treatment, I am going no contact for good.”

You will probably lose the relationship with the flying monkeys, too.

I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s so painful.

For me, I just distanced myself but did not completely break contact. I get upsetting phone calls every so often for now. I try to only say things that are civil and non inflammatory. When they start talking about subjects that upset me, although I asked them time and again not to, I say I have to go.

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