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TishaBuv
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TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 02:29 PM
  #1
No one apologized or made anything right, but I chose to forgive and forget but not fall into it again. At this point, I choose to look at the whole life of the relationships. These were people who did many loving acts. Ok, so they did something extremely unloving and couldn’t care less about how that hurt me. Still, for the sake of living and moving forward, I chose to sort of let it go and be civil, even be warm.

But I am sure smarter now. I know what I am dealing with and won’t set myself up to fall into it again. You can only be naive once.

I’m feeling good about where I am at now.

I came through all this with no therapist and have enjoyed venting and getting support here. The human spirit can heal.

Plus the anxiety med must be what I needed.

Still, the fallout was very real. My perception is accurate.

I’ve gone through quite a lot of emotional stuff over a long time and now feel like I am on solid ground.

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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 05:25 AM
  #2
I am glad you are feeling more confident. Sometimes people will gaslight us if it results in them getting what they want. Recognition of the tactics they are using helps. So does staying away when they aren't treating us right. Forgiveness is healthy for us but trust takes two. Sometimes trust can be rebuilt but we also have to accept when trust can't be restored unless the other person makes a change. The hardest part is getting to the point of acceptance. So painful and though you are not suffering like you were , yes, you aren't as naive so you know that you still have to have a lot of boundaries with the people who violated your trust. Though you were not perfect--you loved them ; these people really screwed up from my POV.
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 05:46 AM
  #3
You also have grown and matured. You're wiser now! Now that some of this is behind you--there is room for something new and good to happen since you aren't spending all your energy on the people who were bringing you down. Not that you don't love them but you have simply moved on!
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Default Jun 20, 2019 at 11:59 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
No one apologized or made anything right, but I chose to forgive and forget but not fall into it again. At this point, I choose to look at the whole life of the relationships. These were people who did many loving acts. Ok, so they did something extremely unloving and couldn’t care less about how that hurt me. Still, for the sake of living and moving forward, I chose to sort of let it go and be civil, even be warm.

But I am sure smarter now. I know what I am dealing with and won’t set myself up to fall into it again. You can only be naive once.
I wish I could be where you are someday.

I want to be forgiving and smart at the same time.

It's a tough balancing act.
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Default Jun 25, 2019 at 11:53 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
I wish I could be where you are someday.

I want to be forgiving and smart at the same time.

It's a tough balancing act.
Good post. I also would like to be forgiving and smart at the same time. I agree, it’s a very tough balancing act.

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Default Jun 25, 2019 at 12:39 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
...But I am sure smarter now. I know what I am dealing with and won’t set myself up to fall into it again. You can only be naive once...I’m feeling good about where I am at now...
Plus the anxiety med must be what I needed.

Still, the fallout was very real. My perception is accurate.

I’ve gone through quite a lot of emotional stuff over a long time and now feel like I am on solid ground.
This sounds like me, too. You cant let yourself swing to their beck and call. I'm the driver of my own life.
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 09:20 AM
  #7
Congratulations! I forgave my abuser, too, and as you say, life is much better--and I have less anger inside.
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