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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,179
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#1
No one apologized or made anything right, but I chose to forgive and forget but not fall into it again. At this point, I choose to look at the whole life of the relationships. These were people who did many loving acts. Ok, so they did something extremely unloving and couldn’t care less about how that hurt me. Still, for the sake of living and moving forward, I chose to sort of let it go and be civil, even be warm.
But I am sure smarter now. I know what I am dealing with and won’t set myself up to fall into it again. You can only be naive once. I’m feeling good about where I am at now. I came through all this with no therapist and have enjoyed venting and getting support here. The human spirit can heal. Plus the anxiety med must be what I needed. Still, the fallout was very real. My perception is accurate. I’ve gone through quite a lot of emotional stuff over a long time and now feel like I am on solid ground. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous40643, Anonymous43949, Fuzzybear, TunedOut
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SorryShaped, TunedOut
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
4 6,984 hugs
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#2
I am glad you are feeling more confident. Sometimes people will gaslight us if it results in them getting what they want. Recognition of the tactics they are using helps. So does staying away when they aren't treating us right. Forgiveness is healthy for us but trust takes two. Sometimes trust can be rebuilt but we also have to accept when trust can't be restored unless the other person makes a change. The hardest part is getting to the point of acceptance. So painful and though you are not suffering like you were , yes, you aren't as naive so you know that you still have to have a lot of boundaries with the people who violated your trust. Though you were not perfect--you loved them ; these people really screwed up from my POV.
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Fuzzybear, TishaBuv
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
4 6,984 hugs
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#3
You also have grown and matured. You're wiser now! Now that some of this is behind you--there is room for something new and good to happen since you aren't spending all your energy on the people who were bringing you down. Not that you don't love them but you have simply moved on!
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TishaBuv
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#4
Quote:
I want to be forgiving and smart at the same time. It's a tough balancing act. |
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Fuzzybear, TishaBuv
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#5
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Anonymous43949, TishaBuv
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,834
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#6
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TishaBuv
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 47,973
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#7
Congratulations! I forgave my abuser, too, and as you say, life is much better--and I have less anger inside.
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TishaBuv
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