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Fuzzybear
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Unhappy Jun 17, 2019 at 07:32 PM
  #1
“In extremely rejecting families, the child eventually comes to believe that even her normal needs, preferences, feelings and boundaries are dangerous imperfections...”justifiable” reasons for punishment and / or abandonment ...”

From 5 common struggles children of Narcissists face in adulthood

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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 07:38 PM
  #2
People pleasing tendencies - check
Persistent sense of self doubt - check

“(They) ....carry a pervasive sense of worthlessness and toxic shame, as well as subconscious programming which causes them to become more easily attached to emotional predators in adulthood” ...

Can others here relate to this article?

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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 07:57 PM
  #3
From the PsychCentral Blogs: 5 Common Struggles Children of Narcissists Face in Adulthood, Shahida Arabi, MA

(I suspect one of my parents of some form of narcissism or of a destructive narcissistic personality pattern.)

1. They have people-pleasing tendencies.
Yes.
2. They suffer from a persistent sense of self-doubt.
Yes.
3. They feel guilt, shame, and fear about succeeding or being in the spotlight.
Yes and no.
4. They have insecure or anxious attachment styles and often end up in abusive relationships as adults.
No.
5. They feel defective and worthless.
Yes and no.


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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 08:01 PM
  #4
Thank you Rohag

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
From the PsychCentral Blogs: 5 Common Struggles Children of Narcissists Face in Adulthood, Shahida Arabi, MA

(I suspect one of my parents of some form of narcissism or of a destructive narcissistic personality pattern.)

1. They have people-pleasing tendencies.
Yes.
2. They suffer from a persistent sense of self-doubt.
Yes.
3. They feel guilt, shame, and fear about succeeding or being in the spotlight.
Yes and no.
4. They have insecure or anxious attachment styles and often end up in abusive relationships as adults.
No.
5. They feel defective and worthless.
Yes and no.


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Default Jun 27, 2019 at 03:13 AM
  #5
1. They have people-pleasing tendencies.
Yes.
2. They suffer from a persistent sense of self-doubt.
Yes.
3. They feel guilt, shame, and fear about succeeding or being in the spotlight.
Yes.
4. They have insecure or anxious attachment styles and often end up in abusive relationships as adults.
For sure.
5. They feel defective and worthless.
Most of the time.
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Default Jun 27, 2019 at 07:47 AM
  #6
1. People pleasing tendencies— “They may actively try to avoid conflict by attempting to please those they suspect to be toxic. They might avoid standing up for themselves because they are so accustomed to being punished for doing”

I do stand up for myself. I do have conflict. Then I do get punished by all the NPD typical ways. But, if I let that blow over and call again, they act like nothing ever happened.

2. Sense of self doubt—
“highly vulnerable to being gaslighted and invalidated by predators in relationships”

I am often being gaslighted and invalidated in general by many people! I do not doubt myself. I am constantly fighting to validate myself to them (while they invalidate right to my face no matter what I say!)

“Remember that children who grow up in unpredictable or violent homes learn how to detect threats or changes in their environment early on in order to protect themselves. They were detectives, cops, psychologists and FBI agents well before the age of eight. They can read nonverbal body language, notice microexpressions and catch changes in tone before someone’s even said “Hello.”

^This is me for sure! But I actually learned it from my narcissistic mother. She taught me to read people, and she taught me well.

3. Fear about succeeding— “self-sabotage”

I do self-sabotage to stop me from succeeding all the time. I tell myself I don’t really want to succeed and keep doing whatever it is I’m doing. Or I get bored of it. I always thought I did that because I may have ADHD.

As for ‘in the spotlight’. I have literally been in the spotlight, and my mother was always pretty supportive. She came to see me in productions. But, she did not encourage my really doing it professionally, had a lovely expression to tell me to not do something saying, “Take the needle out of your arm!”

4. Insecurities-attachments— yes, me, totally

5. Defective and worthless— ‘inner critic’ definitely, and it is my mother’s harshly critical voice, things she would really say, and I embellish with things beyond what she would say to beat myself up. But thinking I am worthless or not deserving of good things— not at all. I am equal to anyone else. I like nice things and am happy to have them. I know I am a little defective, but so what? Aren’t we all?

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