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#41
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When you are in the midst of a relationship with the person, it is difficult to realize what is going on because he or she uses manipulation to distract you from the real problem. It is when you get away from him or her that you start to see the clear picture of what was really going on, and that can stimulate legitimate emotions. The more you educate yourself about abuse, the more you are able to see the dirt that lies beneath the surface. I still have that moment where I realize, "Oh, that's what she was doing back then and I didn't even see it!" So it could be that you just need time to allow yourself to process everything. |
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Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear, luvyrself
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#42
Quote:
Good post, I’m experiencing something very similar to this. Abusers.... grrrrrrrrrr “The dirt that lies beneath the surface” ... it takes time to fully realise this.. their dirt (grrrrrrrrrr) __________________ |
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Anonymous43949
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#43
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I say this because I was in a relationship like that (not as bad as yours, though), and it's what I came to understand eventually: I was actually pissed at myself, not the man I was with. If you keep banging your head against a wall, again and again but expecting it not to hurt you, can you blame the wall? In my experience, you just have to let the rage run its course. There isn't some trick to making it go away faster. But it's been two years, you say? Do you still have contact with him? I think you just haven't faced the reasons you stayed in a relationship like that and allowed yourself to be used and treated so poorly. Did you say you've been in therapy? That would be a good idea, if not. |
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Anonymous43949
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unaluna
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#44
Thanks, but in NO WAY is this helpful. You are blaming ME. Your post is quite irritating and beyond annoying and unsupportive. I did NOT go back again and again. I kicked him out after four months of living together, and went back with great reservations ONCE. I was NOT used. I did NOT try to BUY HIS LOVE for Christ's sakes! Where the hell did you get that from? And where the hell are you coming from saying I went back to him again and again when that isn't even the truth.. ? Not even remotely! You're making up BS!
Do YOU KNOW anything about this relationship??? NO! So don't act like you do! Please don't reply at all if you're not going to be even REMOTELY helpful. MY MOST EDUCATED GUESS? YOU'RE TOTALLY PROJECTING YOUR OWN ABUSIVE SITUATION ONTO ME!!!!!! DON'T... and back the hell off. Please just don't even reply again. Last edited by Anonymous40643; Jun 26, 2019 at 06:08 PM.. |
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#45
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#46
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#47
deleted.
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#48
Good. Please leave. You're projecting and you're rude by even suggesting what you have. Please go away now. I do not appreciate any single comment of yours. And you're blaming the victim. You have NO clue what he's like OR what I am like in person. He's the abuser, I was the victim. So go away!!!! Thank you.
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#49
I didn’t see wildeves post as being offensive (maybe some details were wrong but that’s not unusual).
I think he or she is just urging you to reflect on what happened as the way to heal. You only’ve been with him for 4 months (talking online doesn’t count as clearly he presented wrong persona) but you can’t forget him 2 years later because you are hurting. But you’ll keep hurting until you reflect and look at what happened without rose glasses. When people say you were used, they don’t mean it as to offend you. It’s just meant for you to face reality. If you give a person debit card to buy groceries, and they go buy drugs, they are using you. If you support them, and they steal from you and don’t look for a job, they are using you. It’s not meant to offend you. It doesn’t make you look bad. You refuse to accept that but how do you call someone’s actions of misusing your funds if not using you? You just have to face reality, and then you can heal. You are having hard time healing because you are hesitant to truly reflect on what really happened. You want him to ask forgiveness but he won’t. And you want proof that he was madly in love but you can’t get that proof. You aren’t inside his head. And what does it matter? Everyone is supporting you. I don’t see anyone defending this guy and making you crazy or something. You just have to accept reality if you want to let it go. Otherwise you’ll not heal. Or maybe even repeat the same mistakes. We all have to reflect on our actions way more than analyzing others’ actions. You can do it. Don’t be upset please. Everyone here is trying to be helpful in their own way |
Anonymous40643
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unaluna
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#50
thanks, but I am closing this thread. I was an abuse victim. I fell into his trap of charming ways and manipulations. I am so done. This is not helping me. I AM DONE>
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Anonymous43949
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#51
Oh yeah so let's ask what my ABUSER has to say about ME and how I act?? Seriously?? Let's blame the victim for being outraged at the abuse they suffered.
Last edited by Anonymous40643; Jun 26, 2019 at 07:38 PM.. |
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#52
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#53
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#54
Closing Thread while Community Support Team discusses this thread
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