A bad relationship with my father.

Hello everybody,
I have a bad relationship with my father, Since I was young,he used to beat me for little things and doesn't let me to get into discussion with people older than me "you're still too young to talk with olders" .
Since 2 years,he changed and became a good person,he discuss and makes me feel responsable and that I grew up and I have to deal with life. But it's kinda too late, I can't even look in his eyes while talking, he tries to get into conversations with me but I always ignore him . I've tried to improve and have a good relationship with him but there s something in my mind that forces me to stop talking to him and not answer him and ignore him even though he stopped beating.
What bothers me is that whenever we have a family meeting, I just remain silent and can't give my opinion about different things just because my father is present with us and I feel afraid and smth from my mind gives me a warning that I shouldn't talk when he is near me . I don't know if you can understand me or if I explained well because of my bad english. Here is an exemple:
Whenever I have a meeting talking with my friends/cousins/uncles/grandfathermother I feel so comfortable and give my opinion etc but once my father sits next to me or he starts to listen to me I become so silent and I can't continue. I don't know even though he is good with me,he he does alot to me but I really want this to change .
I really need your help guys
ps sorry for my bad english

Hello fraise: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Yes, I think I know something of what you're writing about here. I'm an older person now. But when I was a young child, my father used to discipline me with his belt. At some point he decided I was old enough I didn't need that anymore. (I even seem to have this very vague recollection that he told me that at some point. I don't know if that is actually the case.) So, anyway, at that point the "spankings" stopped. But it was too late. And, sadly, I don't think my father ever understood what the spankings did to me. Plus it wasn't all that long after my father stopped disciplining me with his belt that a gang of kids at school took over. So that's my story.

I don't really know what to tell you in terms of how to overcome your reluctance to express yourself when your father is present. Perhaps if there is another family member you could confide in (your mother or an older sibling?) they could support you & encourage you to talk when your father is present. It might also help if you could talk with your father about how you feel, again possibly with the support of another family member. I'm certainly no expert with regard to this sort of situation. But what occurs to me is that the only way to get past how you feel is to figure out some way to start doing what you can't do now... perhaps just a little bit at a time at first & then gradually building up to where you finally feel comfortable expressing yourself. Realistically you may never get to the point where expressing yourself when your father is present feels completely natural. But hopefully you can get to the point where you can at least do so even if it continues to feel awkward.

Anyway... I don't know if any of that helps. Hopefully there will be other members, here on PC, who will have some suggestions they can share. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.