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123asdf
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 02:46 PM
  #1
Hello everyone! This is my first post on this forum, hope it goes well.

So growing up, ive always had severe issues with self-esteem, trust, and ive also always felt like there was something inherently wrong with me. And i recently decided to explore my past to figure out why ive had these issues for as long as i can remember. Then vague memories of my older brother touching me as a child(k-3rd grade) came to mind. Everytime they would come to mind in the past I would just suppress them and try to distract myself because of the overwhelming sense of shame and guilt i would feel each time.

So as a child my older brother ( who was a teen at the time) used to take me into the basement and hold me against him inappropriately. He would treat me like i was special so I would let him do more. Evetually he would make me lay down on top of him in bed and just stay there for a long time. Then eventually he would lift up both our shirts so i would be laying on top of him bare chested. Then one time he lifted up both our shirts and pulled down our pants so I would be completely naked and our genetilia were making contact. But I was just a child and I didnt know what was going on so its not my fault!! I still live with him as well but he thinks i forgot. I didnt.

Does what he did to me count as child sexual abuse? I now notice that most of the mental health issues ive had growing up and still have (poor self esteem, self harm, depression) are normal of abuse victims. And how can I move on from this painful memory?? im now 17 but everytime the memory comes to mind i want to rip my skin off. Any help is appreciated!!!
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nicoleflynn
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 05:21 PM
  #2
Yes, that is sexual abuse. Do you have someone you could talk to about this---a trusted adult or school counselor? It isn't something you can forget.
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123asdf
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 05:48 PM
  #3
No, I really dont...this is the first time ive ever disclosed the abuse to someone else. Do you know how I could begin healing from this event?
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Smile Jul 04, 2019 at 06:13 PM
  #4
Hello 123asdf: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The depression & self-harm forums may also be of interest to you. Here are links to these forums:

https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/

https://psychcentralforums.com/self-injury/

And then here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of sexual abuse:

Coping with Sexual Abuse | Psych Central

Surviving Child Sexual Abuse

Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse

https://psychcentral.com/lib/my-jour...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/my-batt...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcas...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/child-...talk-about-it/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Jul 05, 2019 at 06:16 AM
  #5
Seeing a therapist could help.
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