My dad loves me but...

I love my dad to no end. He's the one who took me to my appointments (physical and mental because I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6). as far as I knew my mom and dad loved me. But... My dad gets angry and there have been several times in my childhood where I was forced to listen to him scream at me for two hours straight and near the end when I would up crying he'd mock me because of it. The next day it's as if it never happened, not like he forgets he never claimed that but he'd be Goofy and supportive of me with school and my mental health. My dad also fought and screamed at my mom. I went crazy it was so loud that even if I just stepped outside I could him. I'd usually just sit outside and cry for a while. Now my mom, had a different set of issues.(I said had because she passed away 6 years ago) there was a time where she stole money from me as a child ($200) which I had earned through chores. She also stole some of my ADHD medication on several occasions and refused to go somewhere to a diagnosis. ( We believe she also had ADHD and bipolar cause I have those things). I never once saw her at a soccer game of mine or one of my doctor's appointments. In hindsight I might of felt quite neglected by her. She'd only do a lot of material things with me because that's what she liked but I didn't so it didn't happen often. Long story short, lots of emotional abuse but only recently am I realizing how....bad it is or how a family should not function. And this is surprising because I've been to a lot of mental health specialists through my youth that I don't think anyone caught onto because of all the issues I had, and the fact that I thought that is was normal. So ...I guess I'm at a point in my life where my PTSD is really catching up to me because PTSD episodes are happening almost daily. and it's confusing as hell and is turning my life upside down. And I don't know how to handle or process something like this YEARS later.

Childhood is not easy to sort out. For the longest time, I thought my childhood was normal. It is the only childhood I knew, so that must be normal, right? I first realized my normal wasn't normal when I opened up to a doctor and told them about an incident when I was about 5 years old. My doctor quickly told me that it wasn't normal. It was abuse. I feel like the more I reflect and learn to see my childhood from new perspectives, the more I see my childhood differently.

I'm glad your dad was there for you. His anger may have been more frustration at a situation rather than directed towards anyone.

I hope things get better for you soon.

That is terrible verbal abuse; The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Abusers abuse because of THEIR issues and has nothing to do with who you are. Sadly, as children we internalize it and believe it.