Feeling alone

Hi,
I joined last yr but this is my first real post so please forgive any errors...
I'm in a bad situation with my parents. Everyday is a struggle with my mental illnesses, incl. ocd and anxiety, reality is often blurry

I think I need to move out of my parents', but it's not so simple.
I don't know who is the bigger bully- my mental disorders or my own family?

I'm so scared and I feel so alone. I always fantasized about having that warm, loving family and friends that I could call my family. Now, I'm mentally tormented and friendless, and I don't know what to do. I thought family meant everything but now I want to run away from my parents.

I couldn't handle it and told my parents honestly how I felt- about their behaviour now, and what happened in the past. I called my dad "an abusive father my whole life." My dad looked me in the eye, acted kind and reasonable and said that he had never been abusive.

He then went on to say that if he were an abusive father I would have been kicked out, and he wouldn't be supporting me financially right now.

My mother called me the devil, and when I called her out for enabling everything and being abusive too, she managed to make me out to be the abuser.

My mental issues are a challenge, my physical problems I developed over the last decade or so cause me stress too, now I have to confront the reality that my parents are, well, evil and sick? I feel all alone and I wish that I had a real friend to talk to about this, but at the same time I am used to being alone and I don't know who to turn to anymore.

Thanks if you read this far :/

Hello Lian: Welcome (back) to Psych Central! One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link just in case you're not already familiar with it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

You didn't mention if you're seeing a therapist although, based on what you wrote, it sounds like probably not. You wrote you wish you had a friend you could talk to about what you're experiencing. I have to say that, while having a friend to talk to would certainly be nice, my experience at least tells me that friends can't often be of much help with these sorts of things. It's a rare friend who has both the willingness to listen as well as the skill to reply constructively. That's why so many of us turn to therapists to work on our mental health concerns.

Here are links to 3 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of emotional abuse plus 1 on childhood emotional neglect:

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Recognizing Emotional Abuse

Victims of Emotional Abuse

7 Signs You Grew Up With Childhood Emotional Neglect

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Thank you, I'll have a look at the links. Not so sure about the relationships/communication one bc of the way my parents are (pretty sure they have clinical disorder). You're right, I need a therapist.

I definitely identify with all you've said.
It's so tormenting to have this kind or relationship with the people you're supposed to be the closest to.
Sometimes, Our parents ( as mine) have undiagnosed mental disorder which directly leads them to those particular patterns of behavior , despite they mean you no harm.
By the way, I'm curious, Are you an Israeli ? You've got an Israeli name.