[Buffy01]

Has anyone ever experienced scapegoating in their family? Everyone since I can remember blame me for everything that has ever gone wrong in the family. Should I look for more self help video on scapegoating or by book on emotional abuse? I'm looking for a way to heal emotional wounds

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you got put in the role of scapegoat in your family. Often this is handed to a family member as a way to blame anything that threatens a person's need for power and control over from happening. Unfortunately, this tends to be part of human nature and is often part of most stories created involving different charactors too. Unfortunately, the scapegoat is the one that tends to get blamed for someone's emotional challenges the person simply doesn't want to control or feel or deal with so they end up blaming another person for these challenges as a way to avoid feeling or dealing.

When this happens, typically others learn to blame this individual too and this happens to individuals who actually don't deserve it at all either.

I will give you an example of something I have had to deal with myself. I own ponies and horses and have to buy hay for them constantly, just like other horse owners do. Unfortuantely, I got some hay that had a plant in it that is poisonous to horses and ponies and I honestly did not even know about this plant, and this is something a lot of horse owners unfortunately don't know about as well. I had a horrible experience where I had several get sick and had no idea why. I eventually nailed it down to this plant that was in the hay that I had gotten, but it took me a while to figure this out an unfortunately one pony died, this plant makes them VERY SICK. Once I learned how bad this plant is I began to notice it in hay that a lot of different hay farmers were selling. I began to tell these farmers who did not want to know or care about this plant and tended to reply with "well no one else is complaining". So I set out to make it a point to share the information I had about this plant with every person I came across that had horses. Sure enough people began to connect the dots where their horses had been getting sick and they could not figure out why either. As time went on and more people learned about this plant, it made it harder for these hay farmers to sell their hay as people were now getting picky, after all, they did not want their animals getting sick.

Well, it got so these Hay farmers began to hate and blame ME for their drop in customers and I never told people who not to buy from but only showed them what this plant looked like and how the more it aged the more toxic it gets too. I ended up having a hay farmer call me and threaten to come to my home and actually beat me up. Often people who sell hay don't want to know about this plant, or if they know about it and can see it in the hay they are selling, they want to ignore it's in the hay and sell it anyway.

I am often treated badly when in reality, I did not create this plant, I am not responsible for this plant spreading in hay fields, I am not the one that makes it poisonous either. The only thing I represent is a person who happens to respect how people love their animals and are trying to be good to their animals who may not know about this plant and would never want to experience what I experienced and not want to buy hay that could end up making their animals very sick. People would rather blame me, be angry at me when in reality, they would rather not know this plant is a problem and that they have it spreading in their hay fields and people are now seeing it and are choosing not to buy it because it is NOT clean good hay.

I get blamed when in reality, I am not the TRUE problem. What the real problem is about is that people selling hay would rather no one know about it, that they don't have to know about it either. They don't want to invest in the time it takes to rid their fields of this plant that spreads every year more and more when people chose not to do anything about it. Personally? I could never do that, I could never sell hay I know has that toxic plant in it to someone who loves their horse or goat or animal that consumes hay and is just trying to take care of their animal right. Unfortuantely, there are people who will choose to do that though and they sure don't like having me around to remind them of what they are choosing to do.

It never ceases to amaze me how people chose to place blame else where to avoid anything they themselves are doing that is wrong.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I am sorry you got put in the role of scapegoat in your family. Often this is handed to a family member as a way to blame anything that threatens a person's need for power and control over from happening. Unfortunately, this tends to be part of human nature and is often part of most stories created involving different charactors too. Unfortunately, the scapegoat is the one that tends to get blamed for someone's emotional challenges the person simply doesn't want to control or feel or deal with so they end up blaming another person for these challenges as a way to avoid feeling or dealing.

When this happens, typically others learn to blame this individual too and this happens to individuals who actually don't deserve it at all either.

I will give you an example of something I have had to deal with myself. I own ponies and horses and have to buy hay for them constantly, just like other horse owners do. Unfortuantely, I got some hay that had a plant in it that is poisonous to horses and ponies and I honestly did not even know about this plant, and this is something a lot of horse owners unfortunately don't know about as well. I had a horrible experience where I had several get sick and had no idea why. I eventually nailed it down to this plant that was in the hay that I had gotten, but it took me a while to figure this out an unfortunately one pony died, this plant makes them VERY SICK. Once I learned how bad this plant is I began to notice it in hay that a lot of different hay farmers were selling. I began to tell these farmers who did not want to know or care about this plant and tended to reply with "well no one else is complaining". So I set out to make it a point to share the information I had about this plant with every person I came across that had horses. Sure enough people began to connect the dots where their horses had been getting sick and they could not figure out why either. As time went on and more people learned about this plant, it made it harder for these hay farmers to sell their hay as people were now getting picky, after all, they did not want their animals getting sick.

Well, it got so these Hay farmers began to hate and blame ME for their drop in customers and I never told people who not to buy from but only showed them what this plant looked like and how the more it aged the more toxic it gets too. I ended up having a hay farmer call me and threaten to come to my home and actually beat me up. Often people who sell hay don't want to know about this plant, or if they know about it and can see it in the hay they are selling, they want to ignore it's in the hay and sell it anyway.

I am often treated badly when in reality, I did not create this plant, I am not responsible for this plant spreading in hay fields, I am not the one that makes it poisonous either. The only thing I represent is a person who happens to respect how people love their animals and are trying to be good to their animals who may not know about this plant and would never want to experience what I experienced and not want to buy hay that could end up making their animals very sick. People would rather blame me, be angry at me when in reality, they would rather not know this plant is a problem and that they have it spreading in their hay fields and people are now seeing it and are choosing not to buy it because it is NOT clean good hay.

I get blamed when in reality, I am not the TRUE problem. What the real problem is about is that people selling hay would rather no one know about it, that they don't have to know about it either. They don't want to invest in the time it takes to rid their fields of this plant that spreads every year more and more when people chose not to do anything about it. Personally? I could never do that, I could never sell hay I know has that toxic plant in it to someone who loves their horse or goat or animal that consumes hay and is just trying to take care of their animal right. Unfortuantely, there are people who will choose to do that though and they sure don't like having me around to remind them of what they are choosing to do.

It never ceases to amaze me how people chose to place blame else where to avoid anything they themselves are doing that is wrong.

I actually never.thought about why I might be blamed is because they don't want to blame themselves or take responsibility!. I didn't know about hay.

[Mendingmysoul]

In dysfunctional families,often one person is selected usually since early childhood.This one child is often emotionally stronger and the truth seeker.The dysfunctional adults are scared of this child spilling the truths to outside world.So is targeted and made into the role of scapegoat. The scapegoat becomes the trashcan for others to dump their negativity and wrongdoings. It often starts with parents,then siblings and spreads like contagion to extended family and friends. Every knows where to put the blame.The making of an eternal scapegoat and family scapegoat. By the time the child becomes and adult ,he or she thinks that everything is his fault and agrees with others opinion of him or her and resigns to her fate.

[Mendingmysoul]

Some victims may realize, but a bit too late.By the time one realizes the function of the brain is altered because of long term gaslighting, scapegoating and insidious abuse.

[TishaBuv]

I’m so sorry you experience this.

Thankfully, what was abusive in my family was equal opportunity abuse. There was no one particular scapegoat. Perhaps my middle sister got that the worst. We were three girls. The oldest stayed scarce. I was the baby. My middle sister made choices that were the most unnerving to our mother, so got ridiculed the most for it. Oldest sister stayed closed off, revealed little, barks back when attacked. I, the youngest who spend the longest time as an only child once they left, was the most pleasing to Mom, so I tended to get praised rather than ridiculed.

[Buffy01]

That is exactly what is going on in my family mendingmysoul. My entire family is dysfunctional.

[Buffy01]

I have always been blame for every single thing that had ever gone wrong in my family! I been emotionally abuse and gaslight for things that were beyond my control because of my sibling. Thank you for your advice mendingmysoul.

[Buffy01]

My oldest sister are insanely jealous of me because they believe that I took their place as the baby girl and they were force to take care of me while my mom stay in the hospital. My sister said something a.couple of weeks ago that she cannot undo. Thank you for your advice Tishabuy