Relieving symptoms of nausea dizziness and fatigue(NSFW)

It began when I was 3 years old. My baby sitter wanted me too drop my pants and dance around and doing so gave me a feeling that I wouldn't understand until I was older. By the time I was 7 my parents had caught on and after shaming me for exposing myself to her we tried to pretend that it had never happened while I was closely monitored.

My parents found themselves a better option and started to have my older male cousin look after me. Unfortunately he had an interest in men and decided to try things out with me before he moved onto other men.

My parents quickly put and end to both and being religious zealots they decided that the best course of action was to get me into counseling for my supposed sexual addictions. After many years of counseling most of it from Christians who made me feel miserably ashamed that I had allowed these things to happen to me.


Now that I'm on my own I tend to avoid sexual relations within my own relationships which doesn't end very well. I think due to my past having it forced upon me and then pointing the blame at me has left me nervous and afraid of that commitment with another person.


Now that thats out of the way. I apologize for the long story but I seem to have long moments of a combination of insomnia, nausea, diarrhea, muscular fatigue and a general feeling of illness whenever I am trying to avoid masterbation. I start off with a thought either from TV or from another person that arouses me and if I try to supress it over time I begin getting more nauseous I start to have diherria and muscle pains and insomnia.

The strange thing is literally as soon as I take care of it my entire body tenses in the act and all of the symptoms vanish within a few minutes and I can go on like nothings happened.

It seems to be a monthly or bi-monthly occurrence it has to be something that really gets to me. I have the usual male tendencies.. a female bumps into me or brushes up against me and Im lightly aroused but I can easily forget that though I believe over time they might build up to causing nausea excetra and I'm back in that boat again

Being part of a Christian community I've given into the societal demands of "you wait till your married" but with all of the counciling I went through it is well known that I probably have a sexual disorder and people are better off avoiding me. So I continue to take care of that part of my life in secret by myself.

However I cannot help wondering. If I were to ever find myself a partner would a regular sex life save me from my flu like symptoms? Is it normal? Or is this something that comes out of my feelings of shame for allowing myself to be taken advantage of when I had no power to stop it?

It's time to allow yourself to recognize that human beings are sexual beings and it's not a SIN to learn how to experience your own sexuality. Masturbation is not a sin and most people engage in it.

Hello Notrightinthehead: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you've had to live with these disturbing experiences for so much of your life. You wrote: "is this something that comes out of my feelings of shame for allowing myself to be taken advantage of when I had no power to stop it?" When you're 3 & 7 or perhaps 8 years old, you can't "allow" people to take advantage of you. You don't have the capacity to choose. So "allowing" or not allowing isn't a consideration. And, while I understand how a person might not be able to help but feel shame over this sort of thing, there really is no shame that accrues to you. The shame is on the perpetrators.

You asked: "If I were to ever find myself a partner would a regular sex life save me from my flu like symptoms?" Honestly I don't know the answer to that. I think it may depend, to some extent, on the partner. If you were to happen to find a partner who is highly sexual, it might be that this would cure your flu-like symptoms. However should it turn out your partner is someone who does not have a particularly high sex drive, it's possible you might continue to experience the symptoms you're experiencing, I would think.

I'm not a mental health professional. So whatever I say is simply my personal opinion. However what occurs to me here is that thinking in terms of whether or not a future partner may cure your flu-like symptoms is really beside the point, so to speak. Your flu-like symptoms are messages from non-conscious areas of your brain that are telling you you still have unfinished business to attend to. I know you wrote you had: "many years of counseling most of it from Christians who made me feel miserably ashamed." Perhaps what needs to happen here is for you to find a professional mental health therapist who doesn't counsel from a religious perspective & who has expertise in working with people who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse & work with that person to try to finally come to terms with what happened to you. My lay-person's perspective would be that hoping some future relationship may finally cure the distress signals your non-conscious brain is sending you is asking for trouble. Romantic relationships are complicated enough under the best of circumstances without having something like what you're struggling with in the mix. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of toxic shame plus links to 2 articles on healing from childhood sexual abuse:

What is Toxic Shame?

A Brief Guide to Unprocessed Childhood Toxic Shame | The Psychology of Self

Unearthing & Ridding Yourself of Toxic Shame

Toxic, Chronic Shame: What It's Like to Live with It | The Psychology of Self

Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/pract...-sexual-abuse/