Do you ever feel like

I’m not sure the best way to word this without sounds absolutely crazy. I was abused by my mothers husband and his father as well. I never told anyone for the longest time and I really just tried to act like nothing ever happened. When my mom found out about it all she called me a liar and said I was the mastermind behind everything, because he did it to my cousin as well. My other half thinks I should confront them and tell them what they did to me and how it has effected me and how I feel about it, but I don’t know if I can get it out. Even though I know what happened to me for some reason it feels wrong to say it out loud to them. I mean this was a man my mom made me call dad and he was supposed to be the one to “protect me” and all I got the **** end of that stick. It makes me feel like I’m lying even though I’m not when I even think about telling them how I feel about it all and basically it turns me back into that silent child who knew her mother would leave her if she ever found out and that’s essentially what she did she kicked me out and chose him over me. Even today in order to have a relationship with my mother he is included and I’m getting to a point where I just want it to go away and I just want to move forward without these thoughts plaguing me but I dont know how to do it?

I think a letter of "restorative justice" is good. Restorative justice says....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. Confronting someone in person just gives them a chance to deny, overtalk you and argue. In a letter, you get to say what you need to without being interrupted. It is terrible when you tell someone about the abuse and they attack you. A lot of people want to deny it..

As a child you had no voice, and now you do.......to tell the truth. The letter is really for you....to stand up and say....this is what happened. I think it is very empowering.

Abusers always deny when confronted with the truth.Here is an idea to reduce the anger for your own welfare. Write the names of your abusers on a paper.Tape it to a pillow and punch the pillow.While punching say to the pillow what ever you want to say.Yell,cuss or whatever you feel like.I read it somewhere on the internet.Anger can be safely vent out.

I am in a similar position to you. Please don't do anything that doesn't feel 100% comfortable and right for you. You can be in charge of you now, and only need do what is in your own best interests. I say this even about what your partner thinks you should do. If that feels 100% what you yourself want to do, then jump on board with it. If not, then don't.
My mother was the same. In our family the abuse is never talked about. She chooses to stay with him because she would have "no-one to sleep with" if she left him. FFS, right? I am so sorry your mother abandoned you in such a soul-destroying way. When you truly needed her she figuratively turned her back on you. Just as my mother did.
Now that you are older you can have more power. You don't even have to wait for someone to give it to you - you can just decide to have it, grab hold of it and stand by it no matter what. For instance... currently, in order to have a relationship with your mother he has to be involved. That is how it is, whether that is stated outright or not. But that is the status quo.
This man abused you. This grown man chose to sexually impose himself upon a child (and others, by, the sound of it, but one of the children he did this to was definitely you.). That is an unspeakable crime in the vast majority of countries around the world. You owe him NOTHING. You are fully entitled to not have this man in your life. You do not have to see him, you do not have to be with him, you do not have to engage with him. He harmed you and he no longer has rights over you.
But your mother refuses to protect you or stand up for you in this instance. In order to have a relationship with her you need to still see him, because she refuses to acknowledge this happened or protect you from him.
Now that you are older you are no longer dependent on them. Now you can flip that power over on its head. Now YOU can say (if you want to) that in order for your mother to have a relationship with YOU, she will need to meet with you alone. You don't even have to say why, even though she will know. You can say more if you want - and if you don't want to, you don't have to! Now you get to choose what you will or won't do, and who you will or won't see. You don't have to see him ever again if you don't want to.
Your mother failed you, as mine did me. I flipped the power dynamic on its head, and my mother chose to stay with my father and not see me. It turned out I was totally okay with that. It turned out that I realised many years ago that she had nothing at all to give that was useful or supportive of me.
I have rambled on here, I am sorry. Upshot is, you were grievously wronged by both of them. You don't owe them anything. They actually don't have the right to expect anything from you. And you no longer have to do anything you don't want to do, or see anyone you don't have to see. Their parental rights effectively terminated when they harmed you. You get to call the shots now.

I wrote a letter of retroactive justice to my sister but didn’t share it with her. I thought it would give her too much power knowing how she hurt me emotionally (I am sure she remembers all the physical things she did to me, and I am sure she feels good thinking about them) and how much I am still scared of her. It helped me in the sense that it allowed me to vent in a more coherent way. It also allowed me to stand up to her; something I can never do in person!

Hugs to all the victims of abuse!