new here and new to my eventually problem

I really need some comment about my mental problem.

I have made different tests on internet and this test I get like very low empathy. I get that I can be narcisist or any personal disorder.

But I dont know and in russian where im now stay its hard to get any answer.

Thats why i found this site.

Quick background.

Im a russian girl who four years ago met a man and was travel to his country.

I was lying constantly to him. About my background. That my mother was dead. That I get HIV from birth. That my brother who wasnt my brother died in a car crash. - yes I was lie about mostly everything. Sometimes to make me more interesting. Sometimes to get empathy from the man. This lying problem also has been with like every around. My family - my sister etc.

All this four years I had attention problem - even if I love my now ex husband I was constantly speak with other men on internet and seek attention. I was because of money doing web cam sex chat at the sametime when i was married. I was meet a man at my work when I was married and live with my ex husband and just suddenly have sex with him at work time and after not really understands why.

My ex husband was get to know this - because he was see our conversation. But I was lying and aay the man was rape me and i was go to police and accuse him.

I feel I have some mental problem. Im now back in Russia and dont really get any help. They just say because im young or that its because of other things like PTSD or OCD.

but when I read about Borderline or Narcissism it feels it could be me, at least some of them. I have down take the symptom and write how it feels for me.

What do you in this forum think about it. Because i really feel I need professional help.



Fear or abandonment.


I am rare behave like this, maybe because Im young and haven’t been in this situations so many time. It was with dad, with female teachers when they choice another students. I was absolutely not control myself and cry in front of others.
And when my ex husband now leave me - I get hysterical and also get very physical with him. Like hold him hard. Like don’t leave me.

2. Unstable relationships

I not fall in love easy and have never been in love in someone except my ex husband. Of course when teen. But i was child.
I not feel that my ex husband is good and then suddenly bad. About this feeling always same. Never change.
But relationship with other people that absolute truth.
I feel strorming. I don't understand them. I can be wow and boom dissapointed by one hour. Its hard to understand what it is between these people and me.

3. Unclear or shifting self image.

I have clear idea of what i want in life and me to be. My jobs haven't change, values and goals. Lovers and sexual identity. Not this at all. I don't feel i need some changes. I feel enough stable. Only religion was storming but that's normal. Many people search of God.
But i am very feel unstable about me. From personally hate, when i feel vomit looking at myself to self adoration.

4. Impulsive self -destactive behaviour

Much eat. Can buy much clothes. Not do risk things. But addiction things. Like suddenly have sex with this man at work - or suddenly want to cut hair - or suddenly make tattoos - but I don’t know if that’s just normal.

I also was go away and wanted to hang myself. - But first time just that my ex husband gets empathy for me.

5.exteme emotional swings
I have hard with this. But not extremely.
Not by one second changes.

6. Yes, i feel very often emptiness.
I try to do something against it but it not helps. New hobby. Nothing

7.Angry. I not feel angry at others or myself. I can hate myself. But its not angry feeling. And if i angry at others - than its reason for it. Not like suddenly.

8. Feeling suspicious or touch out with reality.
I not feel suspicious.
But very out that its me. Its hard for me that i have made all this. Because i feel myself absolutely different. I feel fragile and clean. And I not understand why people not see it. But i am not shizo. I know i am **** snd everything is my fault
But at same time its big disconnect because i can't believe because i see myself different.

Hello Lotuswolf: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I'm sorry I cannot suggest anything with regard to what may be going on with you. I'm not a mental health professional. And we here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. (Perhaps there will be other PC members who will have some insights they can share.) I noticed this is your first post though. So... welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Thanks a lot.

I understand that you cant give diagnosis here - just wanted someone to say - this maybe can be something. Maybe some advice.

No one out there who have any suggestions or thoughts.