advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
tendering
New Member
tendering has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Mexico
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Default Sep 07, 2019 at 04:20 PM
  #1
Hello all...victim of repeated abuse here, trauma....I don't think I've ever had a real friend, even though I've been one, for sure. I'm finally. standing up for myself and not letting people take advantage of my kindness or mistake it for weakness. I suffer from Lyme disease, ptsd, anxiety.......recently moved to Mexico...thought I had a friend here. She reached out to me several times when stressful things were happening and I was there for her. Moved here and she seemed to really be 'dominant' and at times disrespectful to me. For a few months I just sort of distanced.....then I finally said something about her continued negativity and how it was affecting me. She wanted to talk more about it at that time, but I was working online and had deadlines, and then leaving for a two day trip the next day, so I couldn't. When I got back, I sent her an email saying I would like to talk things through. She replied with she wasn't sure what happened and wanted to 'gather her thoughts.' I said fine. Then two days later I sent a very compassionate email telling her I felt like she had been very dominating in the relationship and, at times, I felt very disrespected. I told her this very very compassionately and also told her how much I valued the relationship. She returned the email fairly quickly saying she could see how I could have taken those things 'like that' and she'd try to do bette in the future. I sent an email back immediately saying...'oh thank god, now we can start over because I cried all the way to Morelia.' Then complete and utter silence for three days. It really hurt....I mean I felt like she just didn't care and her previous email was just a 'pat' answer ...but she didn't really care about my feelings...when I'd been there. for her so many times. After 3 days I told her how I felt she didn't care about my feelings and I requested she not contact me. After three weeks she 'messed with me''''......telling the landlord to have me pay to put up my own clothes line because she didn't want me using the community clothes line. I was angry, but wasn't acting on it.......but unfortunately ran into her on my way out of the hacienda and totally lost it. Told her it was fine she didn't care about having a relationship with me, and that hurt me, but fine......BUT DON'T **** WITH MY LIFE. I completely lost it............I'm still carrying this around after a month....did I handle things right.....???I've so much self doubt. Is she the bad person...or me? I have had a lot of therapy.....I'm so exhausted with my health.....this has really sent me back with stress..........I can't afford to have things like this happen. Please help me......I'm literally afraid of people, afraid of getting near anyone anymore. I'm so tired..........stressed.......Please give me some perspective, validation? Did I do the right thing.......?I mean, yea, shouldn't have blown up......but it happened.
tendering is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes

advertisement
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 07, 2019 at 11:28 PM
  #2
Hi tendering, welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are dealing with both PTSD and Lyme Disease. Hopefully you can get the Lyme under control with strong antibiotics.

What you need to work on when it comes to the ptsd is how you will be more sensitive than others are. People just don't understand what it means to struggle with ptsd and I know that can be a challenge all by itself. It's like having a swollen sensitive knee and trying to work around it in that certain things will definitely cause you pain and discomfort and others don't know what that is like and at times can expect you to JUST walk around like they do without even thinking about it.

When someone struggles with ptsd they are often grieving some kind of loss, along with that is a personal loss that so many simply cannot understand and alot of that is "loss of feeling safe and confident". Your saying to this friend how you were so bothered that you cried is probably not something she can respond to as most don't get THAT upset. Again it's like the swollen knee that is sensitive that others really don't understand unless they experienced it themselves. So with that often it will seem like others simply have no empathy too. Well, often it's due to how others often don't "feel" the way you do being that you are more sensitive now. I cannot say enough the one person you have to be the most patient with is "yourself". You cannot change how other's act and sometimes you may like how they act too, the only one you can work on is yourself and I know that takes time and a lot of patience.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
tendering
New Member
tendering has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Mexico
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Default Sep 08, 2019 at 08:57 AM
  #3
so basically you are saying that I'm too sensitive. Am I understanding that correctly. So if I was with a significant other and we were in the middle of a 'thing' and he didn't respond to what I said for two days.....that means I'm too sensitive? Because this woman was sort of like a partner. I interpreted it as the silent treatment or she just didn't want to deal with healing the relationship. I'm sorry....I'm not going to 'buy' the 'too sensitive' argument here. Yes, my hurt feelings might have been more than someone else, but if she wanted to preserve the relationship and she was a person who actually cared about that.....she would have responded.

In a previous discussion, she told me that she 'didn't understand the term 'community' or 'open your heart' and she did mention that she might have a personality disorder. So no......this is a damaged person also who choose out of her damage to not preserve this relationship. Any person would have been hurt by this situation. I'm not placing the responsibility on my stress disorder. Period.

Any other thoughts anyone?
tendering is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
tendering
New Member
tendering has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Mexico
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Default Sep 08, 2019 at 09:51 AM
  #4
So if you had what you thought was a best friend and you had a falling out, 'crying' over that is THAT upset? OMG...I so disagree with your assessment of this situation.
tendering is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 08, 2019 at 05:16 PM
  #5
You are misunderstanding what I said to you. I did not say that "I" felt it was not "that" important. I said that it may have been something this friend did not think was "that" important, not enough to cry over as you tried to describe to her.

I may cry and get upset like you did. Yet I can be sensitive that way and I also happen to struggle with ptsd myself.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
tendering
New Member
tendering has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Mexico
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Default Sep 08, 2019 at 05:49 PM
  #6
Well...if she's supposed to be an actual friend and doesn't think that me being that upset about this great rif in our friendship was that important......or me feeling sad about it.....means that she doesn't care about my feelings. Hence, she's not my friend. I have come to the conclusion after 54 years that if someone doesn't care about my feelings, they don't get to be in my life.

So I made the right choice. Getting angry when I ran into her over the passive aggressive ******** she pulled may have been a mistake. She's the type of person who likes that kind of 'power.' An abuser......but it is obvious that all those months of me being there when she was sick, scared, her dog died.....etc. etc......was her just using me. And when I set a boundary and then told her how upset I was, she obviously didn't give a rat's ***. So.......bad ...or at least a ****ed up human that has no business being in my life.

However......I'm glad I respect and honor my own feelings and I'm not 'overly sensitive' in this situation because of PTSD. Yea...if I felt threatened because I was inadvertently stuck in a room alone with a man (even though he might be safe)...then that might be attributed to 'overly sensitive' PTSD. But not this........she's a user and didn't care about my feelings. It was a one way relationship......which isn't a relationship I want to be a part of anymore. So......I'm sorry you are 'over sensitive' at times, but I think your projecting that onto this situation was not the right call.
tendering is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
tendering
New Member
tendering has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Mexico
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Default Sep 10, 2019 at 10:11 AM
  #7
I am letting go of hate
tendering is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:05 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.