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MtnTime2896
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Default Oct 18, 2019 at 03:38 PM
  #1
What does talking do? Really, tell me. Because every time I do, I feel like a disgusting piece of trash that should be burned like any other waste.

I hate myself and hate anything I do. My hands are poison like the rest of me. What they touch, they infect.

I cannot stop feeling these things and haven't been able to my entire life, even with therapy and medication.

I want to drink like I used to. Do stupid crap like I used to. At least then it was easier to bury and hurt less.

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Default Oct 18, 2019 at 05:09 PM
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I think talking does help. Would you consider writing in a journal to see if that would help? Are you still in therapy. You cannot bury these feelings, because unless you can find a way to heal, they will always be present.
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Default Oct 18, 2019 at 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
I think talking does help. Would you consider writing in a journal to see if that would help? Are you still in therapy. You cannot bury these feelings, because unless you can find a way to heal, they will always be present.
I could and should start journaling again. I'm still in therapy but currently in the process of switching.

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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 05:00 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
What does talking do? Really, tell me. Because every time I do, I feel like a disgusting piece of trash that should be burned like any other waste.

I want to drink like I used to. Do stupid crap like I used to. At least then it was easier to bury and hurt less.
You are not a piece of trash. Somehow, you have to redefine how you feel about yourself Somehow, you have to find an activity that gives you meaning.

I know it is hard when we do not feel connected to society. I know you have no meaningful work and we live in a society that defines itself partially by what we have. Yet with so many in your generation unable to purchase a home, etc--I think change will eventually come. My POV is that much of the polarization and discontent in politics today (and I can't stand listening to politics--it is so negative) is about the insecurity so many feel.

All I can think to say is try to dream of something better. Try not to think of the past and when you do then distraction IS sometimes the best option. I understand the necessity of burying our feelings when they get to be to much. I hope you can escape your circumstances someday. I do think that when too many people in society become too disconnected, eventually, something will change. Something has to give.
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