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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,197
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#1
I have ptsd from extensive childhood abuse at the hands of my step mother. She was the stereotypical step mom. I try not to think about her.
Anyhow...she’s been in my dreams lately. And I can’t Get one specific memory to go away. Trigger...... I was in trouble for something as a teen and she was yelling at me. She called me a fat *** bug eyed *****. I was 17.., __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Anonymous42119, bpcyclist, Gasplessy
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#2
@HALLIEBETH87
(((safe hugs))) I'm so sorry you are dealing with those traumatic memories. You deserved so much better than that as a child/teen. When I was in trauma treatment for recurring memories, the therapist would often say that the memories keep coming back because I didn't acknowledge those memories, process them in a safe way, and counter the negative thoughts I had from those traumatic memories. I internalized the memories I had as "truths" about myself, instead of seeing them as betrayal wounds that never should have been. I thought I was bad, ugly, hopeless, worthless - until I started telling myself affirmations like "I'm a good person. I deserved a better upbringing. I deserve to feel safe. I'm beautiful in my own way. I have hope. I am worthy. There's so much I can enjoy in life, but I'm okay feeling sad right now about the things that happened to me." It's best to process these things with a therapist who can validate your feelings, hear your trauma story, validate your existence, redirect your thoughts about yourself to more positive self-talk, and walk with you in your grief over the losses that stemmed from those traumas, such as a lost childhood, a lost sense of self, a lost identity, a lost relationship with a parent who was supposed to nurture you and accept you no matter what. (((safe hugs))) I'm sorry if anything I shared above is painful right now. That's okay to feel and be where you are right now. The memories will eventually dissipate. I still have nightmares, but about memories I haven't processed yet. It sometimes takes time to find the courage to process them. That's okay. I tell myself that I'm okay being where I am at right now. I will eventually be able to face these things with a trusted therapist. I just haven't went back to therapy yet, and I haven't felt trust yet with a therapist. But I'm trying, and that's all we can do. There may be other better suggestions than I have, but just know that you're not alone. You are a good person, a beautiful person, no matter what. I'm obese (not just overweight, but now obese), but I remind myself that I do love myself no matter what. I know that you are a beautiful person because you are uniquely you, no matter what. |
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,197
19 2,742 hugs
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#3
Thank you for all your kind words! I do have a very good psychologist I work with and he reminds me her opinion doesn’t really matter. Some days are hard though
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Anonymous42119, bpcyclist, Gasplessy, Mendingmysoul
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Member Since Nov 2019
Location: Kansas city
Posts: 45
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#4
I'm so sorry. I've had similar but with my older sister. I still suffer from the past abuse and that of other event's
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Mendingmysoul
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