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Zedsdead
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 275
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#1
I have had a bout of intense feelings surface for my ex the past 2 weeks. I try to remember the horrible things he has done to me... but it just doesn't stop the longing for him.
I haven't spoken to him for 10 years. It ended with him being arrested and taken away.. and I never saw or heard from him again. I never got closure... I miss him with all my heart and I have had serious urges to message him on facebook. (I have stopped myself after writing the message).. Why after all these years do I still love him just like it was yesterday? Why does it hurt so damn much still? |
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downandlonely, Gasplessy, Lilly2, Mendingmysoul
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nicoleflynn
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
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#2
You are probably missing the person you wish he had been.
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cluelessgal, Mendingmysoul, Zedsdead
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Member
Zedsdead
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 275
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#3
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Gasplessy
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Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
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#4
I'm sorry you're struggling
Are you talking with anyone about it? A psychoterapist maybe? |
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Legendary
downandlonely
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Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760
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#5
Sorry you're in pain.
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cluelessgal
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 159
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#6
Nicoleflynn is right. You probably miss the good times you had with this person and maybe the version you have in your head. He hasn't changed.....if he did, he would start with an apology without expecting anything in return.
Traumatised people often want to get back to familiar because familiar sometimes seems less scary. Kinda like....better the devil you know than the devil you don't. Maybe you even feel sorry for him or have some kinda stockholm syndrome. The fact that it's been 10 years and to you it still feels like yesterday may be an indication that you may not have healed yet from the abuse. You deserve a person who loves and respects you. But you will not find that person if you don't treat yourself with love and respect first. Please find a therapist and work on healing from your abuse. At the very least, please start a journal which only you can read as it gives great clarity. |
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Member
Zedsdead
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 275
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#7
Thank you all, so much. I seem to hit these phases of intensely wanting to speak to him and tell him that I still love him.
I journal daily, went to counseling after I left but never really healed from it.. I'm going to look for a therapist that isnt too expensive to maybe work through some of my issues that I carry from this.. everywhere I look ranges from 150-200 an hour. As a single mum of 3.. it's kind of out of my price range!! I am going to keep looking and work on my healing though. The good news is, I never have messaged him. I always am able to stop myself. Thanks again |
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