Abuse survivor with family issue...

Hi, I am a survivor of sexual abuse and we’ve had a family matter happen that’s sort of split the family.

I was abused by my brother who has an intellectual disability, this brother went on to have a daughter who my mother takes care of and is now 16. She also has an intellectual disability along with depression and anxiety. Recently she and a 9 year old girl were caught kissing and said they were in a relationship together. My mother doesn’t find it a big deal and thinks me and my sister in law are overreacting not wanting her alone with our children now. I didn’t say she couldn’t come over, just not be alone with them while playing or texting or playing ipad games with them. She (my niece) has had other instances that have worried me. She was caught looking at disturbing porn and a few weeks ago sent my 6 year old a message she was going to cut herself. Again my mother thinks I’m overreacting over these things.

I haven’t flipped on her because I know it’s not her fault she’s in a 16 year olds body with a 7 year old mind and I even feel bad for her but at the same time I will do anything to keep my children safe and as I see it she seems to be going down the same path her father (my sexual abuser) did.

So am I overreacting because I’m triggered for many reasons or is my mother not taking this seriously enough?

Thank you for any help you can give

Hello lolopoyo: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I don't know as I am the best member, here on PC, to be replying to your post. Hopefully there will yet be others who will have some insights they can share. My personal, non-professional perspective would be that what is worrisome here is the difference in the 2 girls' ages: 16 & 9. If the 2 girls were essentially the same age, my inclination might be to say you're overreacting. But I do feel that the difference in these girls' ages makes this situation of concern. And so I, at least, would be inclined to support your position: the girl can come over but she cannot, as things stand now, be left alone your & your sister-in-law's children.

Having written that, however, I would also like to say that I hope this girl is receiving some professional mental health services. (Perhaps she is?) Restricting her from being alone with your children is, to my mind, an appropriate measure. But it's important to not simply let it go at that. She needs help with learning what are, & are not, appropriate relationships as well as with her budding sexuality.

You wrote that this girl has an intellectual disability as well as depression & anxiety. And your mother doesn't find the situation you describe to be a big deal. That suggests to me (perhaps incorrectly?) that your mother may not be providing the girl with the supportive services she needs in order to learn what is & is not socially acceptable (to say nothing of legal.) And I doubt the girl is going to receive the services she needs in public school. So I hope you and / or your sister-in-law can, in whatever way possible, prevail upon your mother to see to it her charge receives the services she needs.

My best wishes to you all. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

You are certainly NOT over reacting. It's your job to make sure your children are "safe" and you already know from experience how a child can be hurt by another child that has issues. Your MOTHER failed to protect you, it's clear she STILL isn't respecting the fact that a child with issues CAN do bad things to another child. Your mother is proving she is STILL irresponsible when it comes to making sure an older challenged child not have the chance to hurt/abuse a younger innocent child.

Don't listen to her, keep your own children "safe".

Thank you for replying She is in therapy but I have no doubt she or my mother aren’t bringing up these certain issues, I’ll suggest to her to do so but I have no clue if she will listen.



Thank you for replying sometimes my family make me feel even crazier than I actually am lol