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Zedsdead
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 02:05 AM
  #1
I feel like there is something wrong with me... no matter how much he hurts me I cannot stay away and be 'tough'. I have no boundaries and I get destroyed by him over and over..

I left a long time ago.. I haven't been able to date, all men look for is sex. He has been calling to see the kids lately... after discussion, today we kissed. He told me he loved me and we had sex. He left immediately after without saying a word. I call him tonight and he ignores me until he calls me back on video chat. I was crying, he berated me and laughed with all of his friends that we slept together today and that I'm a stupid c***. I didnt know he was with all his friends drinking..

I feel destroyed and worthless. I feel embarrassed. He just laughed and called me names while I continued to cry.

I blocked him again. I just dont know why I had to go through it again. It hurts so much I have physical pain radiating through my body. I'm so so ashamed. I can't stop crying. I dont know what to do with myself
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 02:44 AM
  #2
Urrrggh. That was an AWFUL thing for him to do. What a terrible human being he is. What a cruel human being he is. I am so, so sorry that your children have him as their role model of how to treat people!
What he did was beyond awful. It was absolutely disgusting. I am also angry at the people who were with him that did not call him out on his unforgiveable behavior. Do they ALL treat women like that?

Your children really need to not see these men who act like that. They will become them. Protect them, mama. I know how hard it is when we all have a human need to be loved, and you thought it was there. But this man's actions scream that he does not have love in his heart. He has hatred and hurt.

I am sorry you feel so devastated by his actions. Anybody would. That was beyond awful. I understand your shame, but shame on him, not on you. What he did was cruel, degrading and shameful. I know he likely isn't ashamed of himself, but he should be. What a horrible human being he is.

May your shame fall off your shoulders, and soon. It belongs solely to him. It is his.
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 03:10 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Urrrggh. That was an AWFUL thing for him to do. What a terrible human being he is. What a cruel human being he is. I am so, so sorry that your children have him as their role model of how to treat people!

What he did was beyond awful. It was absolutely disgusting. I am also angry at the people who were with him that did not call him out on his unforgiveable behavior. Do they ALL treat women like that?


Your children really need to not see these men who act like that. They will become them. Protect them, mama. I know how hard it is when we all have a human need to be loved, and you thought it was there. But this man's actions scream that he does not have love in his heart. He has hatred and hurt.


I am sorry you feel so devastated by his actions. Anybody would. That was beyond awful. I understand your shame, but shame on him, not on you. What he did was cruel, degrading and shameful. I know he likely isn't ashamed of himself, but he should be. What a horrible human being he is.


May your shame fall off your shoulders, and soon. It belongs solely to him. It is his.
Thank you for replying. I honestly am too embarrassed to tell anybody and dont really have anybody around otherwise and I needed to let it off my chest.
This was even surprising to me that he did this.. i knew he could be hurtful but I believed he was good deep down. Tonight shocked me. I can't sleep.. my eyes are almost swollen shut from crying so much.
Sadly, half of the friends he was with were girls and their laughter made me cry harder. I'm so so embarrassed that my heart hurts. ugh.

I dont know how we spent so many years together and he laughed as I sobbed.. like I meant nothing. A part of me wants to believe he is just evil. A part of me believes that it's just me who people cant stand and I deserve it. I feel so sick.
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 03:14 AM
  #4
My son came into my bedroom as he heard me sobbing. My ex screamed at me and called me unstable for crying in front of our son.. His last words as he put the phone down were 'shame on you, you're just like your mother'... I do feel bad that he saw me crying. I feel like a terrible person. I'm not sure I will sleep tonight.
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 03:16 AM
  #5
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Thank you for replying. I honestly am too embarrassed to tell anybody and dont really have anybody around otherwise and I needed to let it off my chest.
This was even surprising to me that he did this.. i knew he could be hurtful but I believed he was good deep down. Tonight shocked me. I can't sleep.. my eyes are almost swollen shut from crying so much.
Sadly, half of the friends he was with were girls and their laughter made me cry harder. I'm so so embarrassed that my heart hurts. ugh.

I dont know how we spent so many years together and he laughed as I sobbed.. like I meant nothing. A part of me wants to believe he is just evil. A part of me believes that it's just me who people cant stand and I deserve it. I feel so sick.
Honestly, my heart hurts for you tonight. What a terrible thing to experience. And what a deep, deep betrayal and hurt you must be feeling.
I am livid at those girls who were there with him. Shame on ALL of them.
I just wish I could wrap you in a cloak of peace tonight. Peace will come... but maybe not for some time after your experience today.
Oh, this was so not your fault. The fault was all his, and those people with him for not standing up against such awfulness. How dare they not stop him, and not speak up in protection of you.
Maybe some of there felt protection for you in their hearts, but didn't speak it. Shame on them.
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 04:33 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Honestly, my heart hurts for you tonight. What a terrible thing to experience. And what a deep, deep betrayal and hurt you must be feeling.

I am livid at those girls who were there with him. Shame on ALL of them.

I just wish I could wrap you in a cloak of peace tonight. Peace will come... but maybe not for some time after your experience today.

Oh, this was so not your fault. The fault was all his, and those people with him for not standing up against such awfulness. How dare they not stop him, and not speak up in protection of you.

Maybe some of there felt protection for you in their hearts, but didn't speak it. Shame on them.
I have woken up today with very swollen eyes, shaky and nauseous. It's pretty incredible how emotional pain can effect us so physically. I definitely feel better today and am thinking straight. I do realize this is his shame to carry... I still am baffled by the callousness of his mocks.. how can somebody be so cruel.

I'm a tiny little bit thankful it happened. (Now that my heart doesn't feel like its tearing up into pieces) .. I have met the real man that I have been wasting my time on. Sadly. But I can continue to move on.

I want to really thank you for the nice messages. They helped me settle and sleep. I'm really grateful
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 05:41 PM
  #7
This is verbal assault; it is as painful (if not more than physical abuse), and can damage the immune system; most women who are abused have many physical illnesses; every time we are under stress, the body releases cortisol; cortisol damages the immune system. Try to put the blame and shame where it belongs.......on the abuser. I know how difficult it is to leave; I stayed for 31 years; The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life....Calling the domestic abuse hotline can also help. Abusers are angry miserable people; and they take it out on others. When he is abusing you, he is also....abusing your son. Maybe when you feel like going back with him; you can think about your son; and that might be the thing that prevents you from that. xoxo
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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 10:02 PM
  #8
Another survivor here, although I am male and my abuser, my ex, is female.

I am glad you felt better this morning. Sleep can really help.

There is no benefit for you in trying to go through why you were with him in the past. That's wasted precious energy. You need to focus on the future. A future without this loser of a human having any role in your life other than that required by the law as father of your kid(s). Other than that, zero contact. None. Let him spew his hatred and venom on one of those terrific girls he had at the house the other day.

There are good men out there who are interested in more than sex. My problem, believe it or not, is the same as yours. I meet plenty of women, but all they seem interested in is sex. And that's not what I'm looking for. So, you are not alone.

Forward march. He is in your rearview mirror. Get used to it. Boundaries. Hang up if you must. This jerk of a person has not earned any manners from you. Time to focus on you and being the best mother you can be. Which includes ditching this punk.

Sending you positive vibes and prayers. You can do it. If you want a man, there will be a man. If you don't, that's fine, too. You can do it. You are strong. Now, onward!!

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Default Nov 29, 2019 at 08:46 PM
  #9
Thank you both for the wonderful advice. The pain has come and gone in waves ever since that night.

He wants to facetime the children multiple times a day. Our kids are 3 and 5, they dont always want to talk and I usually have held the phone etc when they do.

I'm hurting so much still.. even when he calls for the kids it hurts me.

I just wish this pain would end. I know he isnt worth it. But the upset starts up every single time he calls.. I just want him out of my life but he is always there
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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 09:32 PM
  #10
This man is a total JERK. It's time to realize there is nothing in him that is good or kind and it's best for you to completely cut him off.

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