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Member Since May 2016
Location: usa
Posts: 4
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#1
I have a complex PSTD and a long history of all sorts of abuse from various people. I tried getting help from psychotherapy for years and it didn't work. Sometimes I feel better, and then I feel down again and so it goes.
My question is. I am in a long term relationship that has been on and off for so many years. He helps me a lot since I can not work and he is my only friend since I have social anxiety. I have no family what sort ever. I am isolated in a bad situation inside and out. I would love to live with him, but he doesn't want to. It makes me sad. I mention it to him about once a year to see where we stand. He then just walks away from me and I beg him to stay since I am co-dependent. He blames me for hoping we would become serious when he told me where he stands years ago. But every time after such fight he stays with me. I told him if he wants to breakup he needs to do a clean break and leave me alone completely. But he says he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and comes to my house even if we are only friends and he wants to have sex and acts like we're together. He says he cares and wants to help. I am in love with him and I am not strong enough. I can not even see what is happening. Is this abuse? Or is he just scared with avoidant attachment style? |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 159
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#2
Dear ohno22,
It doesn't matter whether he is abusive or scared....please don't focus on him, focus on what you want from life and this relationship. I think it is a cruel thing to do to not commit and yet not break up. It's like a carrot and stick approach. It's not healthy. If a person loves someone, they'd want to be with them and do things that makes them happy. If he was a healthy friend, he would respect your wishes. Since he is not ready to take the relationship to the next level and commit, maybe you should dial back a little and let your relationship be of friendship only. Status quo may not be healthy. Please focus on yourself, to become a healthy, functional individual. Could you tell us more....why are you isolated? Why can't you work? |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 40
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#3
Quote:
You deserve better than that, don't you think so? |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#4
Hey @ohno22:
Quote:
Quote:
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Quote:
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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ZenStream
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 3,111
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#5
It is simple, you love him, and he doesn't love you.....love isn't abuse; hopefully you will find the strength to get away from him. xo
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,329
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#6
I think that you deserve much much better than this person.
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