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Fuzzybear
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Trig Dec 03, 2019 at 09:35 PM
  #1
I was taught.....
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Heart Dec 03, 2019 at 10:29 PM
  #2

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Default Dec 04, 2019 at 02:21 PM
  #3
(((Fuzzybear))), I am very sorry you were so badly disrespected by individuals who did not know how to respect others.

There are people (human beings) who function in life by only positioning themselves where they have all the power and resources and they don't care HOW they get into that position. These individuals can be found in a lot of areas that are even set up to "service and help" other human beings. These human beings are NOT interested in actually nurturing or caring about others either, instead they see opportunity to profit to gain control over for themselves. These individuals can be cold and calculating and yet develop a side of themselves that seems genuine, charming, knowledgeable and caring and safe to trust.

Predatory human beings actually look for prey the same way other predatory animals do, they prey on the young or old or weak in some way. Human beings evolved from apes very much like chimpanzees who can be very violent and this has a lot to do with limited resources. We ARE primates Fuzzy and if you study primate behaviors, you will actually see a lot of behavior patterns that human primates exhibit. Primates practice classism just as we do in mankind. They are territorial and they form groups just like we do. There is always some kind of heirarchy in groups of primates as is the case with human primates.

While human beings have developed intelligence far beyond the intelligence of other primates, they still operate with the same basic behavior patterns that less intelligent primates operate. When a human being is born into a family, that human being really has no choice but to adapt to the behaviors practiced within that family. Truth is, by the nature of our very design Fuzzy, we are born to adapt.

So, take a moment and let yourself think about that, think about that information as objectively as possible. For a long time you have been a member here at PC. For a long time you barely spoke too. The environment you grew up in Fuzzy was an environment where others did not help you feel "safe" to say much. From what you have shared, you have had to learn how to adapt to how parents treated you in that whatever you thought or felt did not have importance, value, or was worthy of respect. All you did was learn how to adapt to that, that is what you were designed to do by nature. What became normal to you, what you learned to exist in was being around individuals who put you in a position of having to be very passive.

When that happens Fuzzy, a person tends to adapt to taking a more passive role. That person learns that is the safest role they can function in or else they will be hurt or punished. Often, as a person grows, without realizing it they continue to learn how they have to be a certain way in order to thrive and survive, it becomes THEIR normal. As a result, without realizing it, that person often chooses a mate that in ways treats them the same way. That person often doesn't even realize that they gravitate to this type of person because that person behaves in ways that are "familiar" and unfortunately "familiar often is perceived as safe". Also, a more passive person tends to attract individuals that are controlling and agressive.

Sometimes, without realizing it we can develop a nature about ourselves by being exposed to controlling or dysfunctional individuals where we learn to "play their way" not realizing that sets us up to attracting that same kind of individual to us. Truth is Fuzzy, human beings are literally born to "navigate", it's how our brains are set up and often we learn to navigate around dysfunctional individuals not realizing these individuals are dysfunctional and unhealthy and not healthy for us to have around us.

This forum is called "Survivors of Abuse" and the truth is, when a person grows up around individuals that can be controlling and abusive, often, that person begins to believe the things these controlling and abusive people say to them. If a person gets constant messages telling them they have no value, often they begin to believe it. Parents who fail to respect a child in a way that encourages that child to believe they have a right to have their own identity, create a child/human being that tends to question their right to actually have their own identity. Also, if a young girl constantly sees her father not allow their mother to have her own identity, that little girl will often grow up to think that is normal to how men behave and that a woman has to JUST accept it.

I have noticed how important the father's role is when it comes to a family unit. I am 63 years old and the generational messages my parents grew up with gave men all the power and to believe they were entitled to the power they were supposed to have in their relationship and family. I was encouraged to believe that my own education was not very important and that what I needed to think about the most was to find a man that could be a good provider. That was also the message my mother got as well. Well, a lot of men certainly did NOT deserve to have that kind of power. For a long time women were expected to obey and accept the low value they were encouraged to believe they had in our society. It was not as easy for men because they were expected to JUST provide and a lot of men struggled with providing and tended to bring that frustration home. I remember that ALL TOO WELL.

I did witness a lot of abuse growing up. What I witnessed as a child made it very difficult for me to feel "safe". I had no idea the things I witnessed, how the unhealthy things that happened in my home growing up would make me very susceptible to developing this condition called ptsd. I BELIEVE you were treated badly as a child. I believe you experienced things that contributed to your not feeling "safe" or "valued" too.

What I have noticed about you however (((Fuzzy))) is even though it's been so difficult, you have found a voice. You have finally found some strength to say "I was treated badly in my life, it hurt me and this is what THEY did to me that hurt me". I have noticed that a lot of people genuinely struggle to say anything about things they lived through that HURT them. It can be extremely hard to finally get to a point where a person can find a way to feel safe enough to finally talk about things they had to deal with that hurt them.

One of the things I have noticed, what I have been experiencing in a big way myself is how MY speaking up and TELLING, has cost me. For me to take a stand and speak up has cost ME financially, while the person who is abusing and hurting me gets to have HER expenses covered and SHE gets to continue to profit. I speak up even though I get punished for doing so by denying me resources. And not just that, but, experiencing this other "abuser" constantly saying that I am the bad person that deserves to be shunned and punished.

I suffer from ptsd because my safety was dramatically compromized. I suffer from ptsd because the person who is abusing me makes it a point to do things purposely that jeopordizes my sense of being "safe". Abusers always make it a point to CONTROL resources and they can get very cold and mean and even violent when they are controlling resources. That is the primate human beings evolved from.

Question is, who IS really more intelligent? I have learned through all this suffering that I do not practice or feel right about STEALING resources from others. I have learned that instead I RESPECT the things that others create and figure out how to thrive on based on the talents they have in them.
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 05:43 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I was taught.....
Possible trigger:


I understand how you feel because my family did this to me as well.
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 07:35 PM
  #5
I'm so very sorry, Fuzzy.
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 09:58 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I suffer from ptsd because the person who is abusing me makes it a point to do things purposely that jeopordizes my sense of being "safe"..
Is ?

People who do this are not exhibiting that they feel "strong" or "powerful" or "safe" themselves. If they did, they would not NEED to do it.

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