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MrsA
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Smirk Dec 31, 2019 at 01:04 AM
  #1
Sorry I've been venting a lot lately. I just need to tell someone something that happened to me before because it affects my opinion of a family member and I'm not allowed to talk about things she did or express feelings about the way she treated me without being labeled as a bad person.

What happened was that once after church, a friend of my sister asked us for a ride home in our car. When we got to the car, my sister's friend somehow stole my car keys from me and deliberately set of the car alarm.

As soon as it happened, my sister started yelling at me in front of hundreds of people coming out from church. I kept searching frantically in my bag for my keys. And every time my sister turned off the alarm with her keys, her friend would turn on the alarm again with my keys that he had stolen and my sister would keep screaming at me in public while her friend watched and laughed.

When my sister's friend finally revealed that he had my keys and had done it all on purpose, my sister was still angry at me for talking back when she yelled at me.

This was pretty much how most of my life has been like. Most car rides were spent with her putting me down and expressing hatred for me or screaming her road rage at me. And if I ever say that my decisions were influenced by fear of my sister losing her temper at me, my sister says I hold grudges and claim to be a victim. It doesn't change the fact that being treated like that every day for decades affects how I relate to people.

My sister will bring up something I said years ago as justification for treating me badly now, but if I ever mention anything she did, I get accused of falsely claiming to be a victim.

That's how life is and it is unfair. I will try to accept that. I have a hard time when I remember unfair instances like when family yelled at me for something I hadn't done, when parents punished me for my sister actions, and all the times m sister yelled at me and then denies ever yelling at me. I could move on if she wasn't still doing it, but when she gets nasty, I think of it as one continuous offense that has never ended or resolved. When I mentioned things she did to explain why I feel this way, my sister said I was an evil person and that everyone else says so too so I end up not knowing who among relatives or friends are really my friends or if they all hate me like she says.

Does anyone else have trouble letting go of stuff like this?
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Default Jan 01, 2020 at 10:24 PM
  #2
Everything you have shared about your sister is describing a controlling abusive person. You can vent ALL YOU NEED to here MrsA. ((((Hugs))))
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 09:49 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by MrsA View Post
Sorry I've been venting a lot lately. I just need to tell someone something that happened to me before because it affects my opinion of a family member and I'm not allowed to talk about things she did or express feelings about the way she treated me without being labeled as a bad person.

What happened was that once after church, a friend of my sister asked us for a ride home in our car. When we got to the car, my sister's friend somehow stole my car keys from me and deliberately set of the car alarm.

As soon as it happened, my sister started yelling at me in front of hundreds of people coming out from church. I kept searching frantically in my bag for my keys. And every time my sister turned off the alarm with her keys, her friend would turn on the alarm again with my keys that he had stolen and my sister would keep screaming at me in public while her friend watched and laughed.

When my sister's friend finally revealed that he had my keys and had done it all on purpose, my sister was still angry at me for talking back when she yelled at me.

This was pretty much how most of my life has been like. Most car rides were spent with her putting me down and expressing hatred for me or screaming her road rage at me. And if I ever say that my decisions were influenced by fear of my sister losing her temper at me, my sister says I hold grudges and claim to be a victim. It doesn't change the fact that being treated like that every day for decades affects how I relate to people.

My sister will bring up something I said years ago as justification for treating me badly now, but if I ever mention anything she did, I get accused of falsely claiming to be a victim.

That's how life is and it is unfair. I will try to accept that. I have a hard time when I remember unfair instances like when family yelled at me for something I hadn't done, when parents punished me for my sister actions, and all the times m sister yelled at me and then denies ever yelling at me. I could move on if she wasn't still doing it, but when she gets nasty, I think of it as one continuous offense that has never ended or resolved. When I mentioned things she did to explain why I feel this way, my sister said I was an evil person and that everyone else says so too so I end up not knowing who among relatives or friends are really my friends or if they all hate me like she says.

Does anyone else have trouble letting go of stuff like this?


Your sister seems to be very abusive. I can relate to your story. I grew up with an abusive sister who used to beat me up growing up. She still bullies me, orders me around and yells at me from time to time. She has loved to humiliate me in public from physically beating me up in front of relatives and neighbours (when we were younger) to order me around in front of them now. I am still very scared of her and cannot stand up to her. It is hard to let go of these types of treatments and you always wonder when the next episode would start. I wish you the best.
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 07:24 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Abusedbysister View Post

Your sister seems to be very abusive. I can relate to your story. I grew up with an abusive sister who used to beat me up growing up. She still bullies me, orders me around and yells at me from time to time. She has loved to humiliate me in public from physically beating me up in front of relatives and neighbours (when we were younger) to order me around in front of them now. I am still very scared of her and cannot stand up to her. It is hard to let go of these types of treatments and you always wonder when the next episode would start. I wish you the best.
I'm sorry you had a sister like that and at the same time I'm relieved someone can relate. My sister has actually been showing people photos of me as a baby to prove I was born angry and that she is a victim. She excuses her losses of temper by saying she was stressed or embarassed, but I'm not allowed to express negative feelings about the way she treats me. I'm realizing more and more she will never be logical.

Like the other day I said "I haven't finished my coffee yet." In a tired voice and she claimed I yelled at her and repeated what I said in a nasty angry voice. Just like when customers of our business email with a benign question like "Does this come in a different color?" My sister would read out the emails in an aggressive voice with a scowl to act out what she thinks the customer is really saying when they write a simple question.

I think it was @IrisBloom who said my sister probably insults me out of jealousy. I'm starting to suspect that it is true. I started practicing music a few months ago because I want to be good enough to earn extra money teaching singing and piano lessons. The last few fights, my sister kept attacking me on the subject of my voice, calling me vain, and complaining that she didn't get enough encouragement to develop her singing. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Our stepfather promoted my sister as a musical genius while he kept trying to force me to drop out of school while I earned my music degree. But my sister gets so mad when people compliment my voice and she used to stand next to the piano to cuss me out while I practiced. I realized this week that I must sound good enough now to make her feel threatened and envious so her insults on that subject actually made me feel more confident and determined.

Sorry, I got off topic. Thanks @openeyes and @Abusedbysister for your inderstanding.
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