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Malcolmsadness
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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 11:09 AM
  #1
This is not for me but for her. She is my love and has been a victim of abuse mentally, physically and sexually growing up in foster care and group homes. She had a grandfather that did horrible things and she couldn't say anything because of threats made from family about breaking it up.
Her father and mother both alcoholic. She was in an abusive relationship with someone for 15+ years.
Left behind like a dirty secret to look after their own children. Who now abuse her the very same way. Name calling, demanding and fighting. She is beside herself so I have shown her love and kindness. My question is, what more can I do for her? She needs to be away from the place where the horrible things are memories. What else can I do?

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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 03:44 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malcolmsadness View Post
My question is, what more can I do for her? She needs to be away from the place where the horrible things are memories. What else can I do?

Be there for her. That's really worth a lot already. Don't try to fix every problem at once (you probably can't even if you try), perhaps don't try to fix any problem right now. Start with being there for her. Let her do the talking. Make sure she understands you're there for her. Be available.

See if moving away together is an option. I don't know your situation and moving can be complicated or nigh impossible for all kinds of reasons. But see what's possible. Let the memories stay behind and move on.
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Smile Jan 17, 2020 at 04:18 PM
  #3
Here are links to 2 articles, from PC's archives, that offer advice on helping a loved one to heal from narcissistic abuse & trauma:

9 Tips for Helping a Loved One Heal from Narcissistic Abuse | The Savvy Shrink

How Family and Close Friends Can Help Trauma Survivors


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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 07:51 AM
  #4
Therapy for her is a good option, and not having contact with those who are still abusing her.
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 12:00 PM
  #5
Everything I read and what you are telling me about this says to nuture and provide support and love. I am doing all this but the way it has hurt her and the things that happened, I just wondered if I could do more to help that I haven't thought about.
Thanks a lot.

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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 04:33 AM
  #6
I think we understand that feeling. But the only way to start fixing this is to get her out of the situation. That's difficult. Until then, being there for her is about as good as it gets.
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