Is my mum narassict ?

I'm curious and struggling to deal with the dymanics with my family. My younger sister and my mother.
My sister and mother are very smiliar individuals.
For an example everyday after work they complain about people at work. My sister would go on for whole evening about how bad customers are. My mother would go on how bad this one staff member is. Then next day or couple days she is all good with that staff member and then next day she is all bad about the one staff member. She was like this with her pervious manager. He was terrible, selfish man and then next day they are getting a long.
This would go out the WHOLE evening.
Or my sister would go on about her ex boyfriend complains about him, even though they still see each other. The relationship is abusive, and toxic. They have broken up 5 times in 4 years.
My mother her moods especially years ago and as a child. She would get massively aggressive. I recalled her throwing a compture chair from upstairs when I was a child. Or threw a chair on a floor once. She would cry uncontrollable because she was upset with her boyfriend at that time. If you try approach to help. She would snap back at you.
I do recalled how as a child she was crying in the living room in the evening and my younger sister below the age of 10 was comforting her. I wanted to approach to help out but my mum yelled at me to go away . I recalled standing in the hall way feeling rejected, lonely, and ashamed.

Because I suffer from anxiety as a child and then OCD. I was left alone to cope. Even though my mum had therapy with me and alone how to cope with my ocd.
Its like she never take the advice or couldn't be bothered. Especially after I read my medical notes recently. I was never comfort as a child when I cried. I was left alone to cry. If I was anxious I was left alone to be anxious.

As I got older she would try and throw cups of water at me if I ran out the house if we had a agurement.

She use to call me names like ******, selfish, pig. It be over silly stuff. For example putting my washing clothes in the dryer than the rack.
I told her to stop calling me names. She say I'm diffcult. I said to her grandma would never say those words. Well...she stopped after that thank goodness.

She would talk behind your back. To my sister or to my dad (ex husband) even to her brother. One time she told me "you think I'm a bad mother, well do you want to hear what my brother said, listen to this, he said you should have his wife as a mother" I felt so hurt, misunderstood. She was bad mouthing me to other family members when Im in therapy at the time I was self harming and dealing with sucidie thoughts.
She some how got into my sister's head at one point to ring my therapist and say "They got the story wrong and how I'm bad"

Whenever you talk to her say about a problem you are dealing with she would some how turn it around make it about herself.
Even my dad who not with my mum anymore randmonly said that to me recently. I thought thank goodness I'm not the only one seeing this.

You can't have a different view from my mum. If you do you are wrong.

As a child she once held a knife in the hall way as I was standing in the living room having a evil laugh.
Again as a child because I was raised catholic I was below the aged of 10. My mum had agurement with me that God wasnt real. I said God is real. Then she pushed my against the wall with her hand on my throat.
I recalled when I was in my early 20's she upsetted me so I told her old lady. Then she got bible and threw at me. Well a Bible is a heavy book. Not a light book.

My mum is confusing cause she would offer to pay you say for hoilday or buy you gifts but then be abusive.
One time last year for my birthday she had this werid idea to buy me a new car. I didnt needed a new car. I was proud of myself buying my own second hand car. (Which she try to have control over she would offer to pay it but then she changed her mind. So I just used my own savings to buy it.)
I told her I wanted an iPad for my digital art she said yes, I went to looked at the store and told her about it. But then she changed her mind because she told me it doesnt benefit her.

My sister is pulled into this. She seems to believe what my mum says. One time my sister told me that I should believe her and mum over my therapist which I thought was a load of rubbish.
My sister tells my mum her ex boyfriend or boyfriend relationship to her. As if they are best friends. Which to me doesn't look heathly.
Yet my mum would talk bad about my sister's ex boyfriend to the rest of the family.
My sister has no boundaries from my mum. She gets away with being emotional, verbal abusive .

For example this happened a week ago.
That evening when I said to my sister and mum "Postvite vibes, let's not discussed that" cause they keep talking about negative stuff. They were discussing how bad my sister's ex boyfriend's mother is. And then I was told by my mum "You sayingbwe can't discussed this" Then I was told by my sister "oh so now we can't speak"? I asked can I speak. Then I was told no, you don't listen us. I was then told by sister that she cant say things around me I responded "how would I know if I'm not told how you feel" and then I told my mum "I'm doing what partner does when I talk negative to myself, postivie vibes" and then my mum told me "we trying to figure out how to help her ex boyfriend but I'm thinking it's only therapy can help" and I agreed with what she said. It felt the atmosphere calm down. Then suddenly out of no where my sister SNAPPED! said "So I'm not allowed to call her a ****** in my own house hold, in my own house. Next time you say some thing we say postivie vibes and dont discussed your problems."
From this experience I felt attacked, threaten, afarid, scared, anxious. I felt helpless and misunderstood . I didnt felt heard at all. I had sucidie thoughts in my mind when this was happening.
So I said "I'm going" I went to my bedroom and cried try to fight off the suicide thoughts I had. I had thoughts if I died my mum and sister would not care. It wouldnt matter to them. They probably be happier without me. I'm just annoying and diffcult so they be happier if I was gone. These are the thoughts circle in my head when heighten emotional situations or fights happen. I get disturbing visual thoughts too of hurting myself. They come in unwelcome. Its very scary.

It got to the point I had to ring my partner for help.

Some times its werid she talks alot to my partner than me and invited him to come with her to this confidence speech course. But my partner said no, he said to her he not interested at this time. But he told me he thought it was werid. It's like she trying to find a partner to do se thing with. She try to over involved either my sister's realtionship with her ex boyfriend or with my mine. But we try to withdrawl distance as much as possible.

She did about 7 years ago I believe. Held a knife to her chest because she was angry,upset with her mum. She asked my sister and I if she should kill herself and she we were all frozen. We didnt know what to do. Thank goodness though she out the knife in the draw and went to her bedroom. She aplogise to my sister but never to me.

One time she found my dairy because my therapist told me to wrote down my emotions and things that upset me. I couldnt find it and I asked where it was but she lied to me and said she doesnt know. I found it and ahe ripped all the pages of the book.

I have been going to therapy for 4 years. 2 years was with a therapist that made me worse so I changed. I have done dailet behavior therapy, but I still struggle. I stop self harming over a year.
I even try to use DBT skills I learnt to commucatie to my mum and sister how I feel. But they competently ignore my messages. Every time. Its really werid because if I apply the same skills to my partner or a non-family member say a friend they respond really well and understand. But with my mum and sister they are like brick! Thick, brick. My therapist has told me they gaslight me or crazy making another term for it, at me.
That I'm treated as the escape goat.

Does this sound like narcissism or traits of narcissism?

It sounds like both your mother and sister don't know how to respect boundaries.

Well yeah that is true.
What accept stood out to you that show to you they don't know how to respect boundaries

I also think it sounds like they both - your mother and your sister - don't know how to respect boundaries. They are similar and you are .. different to them.

Sounds like all of you are codependent and you should move out.

What you mean by codependent?

I dont think you should wonder about whether they have a mental illness. Your mother is abusive. You were abused when you were a child. Are you able to live somewhere else?

This is severe emotional abuse from both your mother and sister, regardless of what issues they are dealing with. They are both clearly narcissistic, and do not care about the pain they are inflicting upon you. No one should offer themselves up as a sacrificial lamb upon the alter of someone else's narcissism and insecurity. I agree with sarahsweets: if you're able to leave that house, you need to do so in order to begin healing. This is a highly toxic environment.

Thank you for your kind words.

Yeah just hard cause my partner trying to find work in his profession. I haven't worked for 4 years due to my mental health. I get sick benefit from the goverment. Which means you get money if your unwell to work.

Which is nice what we have in my country that provides that.


But it wouldnt excatly be enough to move out in. So it's like I have to wait on my partner. Which is really hard.


Can I ask how did you notice they are narcissistic?

I've had so many awful experiences with narcissists that I can see it quickly now. You spoke of how self-absorbed your mother and sister are, with everything they're experiencing a tragedy yet complete coldness to your suffering. They display a complete inability to take anything they perceive as criticism. They see it as a burden to be required to show concern for your needs and feelings, as evidenced by your sister's reaction to you asking her to reign in the negativity. Gaslighting, failing to respect another person's boundaries, and lack of responsiveness to your needs are hallmarks of a narcissist.

I'm sorry you aren't financially able to move out yet. For now, if you can, it would be good if you could spend as much time out of the house as you're able. It's essential to spend time with people who treat you with respect and affirm your worth rather than trash it.