I need help.

Hello. I wanted to share my story and see if there’s anyone out there who gets it.

I was in a relationship with someone who sexually abused me. I have really struggled recently after learning he is now in a relationship with someone else. I really hope she is okay.

I have been finding it difficult because I have had similar experiences with guys prior to my relationship and after our breakup. It’s hard not to feel like I made this happen, especially when it’s happened so many times. It’s hard when sometimes your friends jokingly call you a slut. It’s hard because it’s such a grey area and sometimes people don’t believe you. It’s hard because I don’t think I could ever tell someone.

I have really been struggling because I can’t sleep. I can’t close my eyes without feeling my skin itch and my body lock. I can’t close my eyes because it feels like it’s happening all over again. I can’t close my eyes without wanting to cry and scream. I can’t sleep and I am exhausted.

I don’t know how to feel okay or how to get my **** together. I think I need some help. I feel really alone.

Hello Peanut222,

I am so sorry that this happened to you and for the unwelcome consequences you are experiencing. You have been victimized and a victim is never responsible for being victimized. I think real love occurs when someone discovers that their happiness can only be found in the happiness and well-being of someone else. Abuse, therefore, can never be a loving thing. The word "abuse" contains the word "use" and I think that says a lot about it. An abuser is using someone else to meet their needs or desires.

You are the victim here and deserve understanding and compassion, encouragement and consolation.

Wish I had some brilliant advice to share but sadly I don't. Have you considered whether talking to a professional might be helpful? So sorry I could not be helpful. I am so very, very sorry for the ordeal you are suffering! It is really heartbreaking!

This is actually a more common problem then most realize. When someone abuses you and you break free, one tends to feel guilt and shame they experienced the abuse. They want to warn others because most people get that urge and yet, the abuser tends to do a smear campaign where they claim they never did anything and that their victim is the bad person. Abusers KNOW who to abuse already, and they know their victims will be afraid to warn others too. This is EXACTLY how Weinstein operated and has a long list of victims who were too afraid to say anything.

It's very UNDERSTANDABLE you are experiencing what you are sharing here. You can always choose to warn someone anonymously. That doesn't mean that person will heed your warning as often they are too naive which is exactly what these abusers target. You can only try, the rest will be up to the person you warn. Often an abuser if questioned, will respond with how the person saying things is just jealous. They figure their victim will buy that too as thier victims are naive enough to believe them.

Do you see a therapist? If not, I agree with Yaowen that seeing one would be well worth considering.

I agree with Bill3 about reaching out to a therapist. You sound like you are experiencing some Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and getting therapy for this is important so you can learn how not to repeat this kind of pattern when you get into relationships. From what you have shared it sounds like you have experienced more than one bad relationship like this. Often someone with NAS doesn't realize they have been groomed to give into a toxic personality, so it's important to reach out for help so you understand what about yourself you need to change so you don't continue down this path in other relationships.

Here is some information about Narcissitic Abuse Syndrome that you may find very helpful.

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: What The Heck Is That?

I'm sorry that happen to you I understand how you feel. People never believe me if I was told that I didn't know what I was talking about.