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RedemptionSeeker19
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Trig Mar 24, 2020 at 01:46 AM
  #1
Hi, this question always comes to my mind and I don't know the correct answer, I must know it so that I can begin working and digging this thought deep in my mind

Deny or Accept sexual abuse (of some strange form) ? and try to get over it in any of the two cases

to understand what I've been gone through, you can read what I wrote below:

so for my abuse, I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor from the most disgusting narcissistic parents you could ever imagine, furthermore, I'm a naturally born empath which even complicated the problem for me

back to 3 years ago, I reached an utmost point of stress and abuse from my parents, to the point exceeding my breaking point, and what happened is, instead of me thinking rationally and deciding to go on NO contact forever with them, I (sorry this makes me very extreme regret) I back then decided with utmost stupidy that I should punish myself and my parents, by what? by going to a engage in a sexual activity with a prostitute, so that I can harm my parents reputation (what a stupid thinking)
now coming to me, I'm VERY strict about sexual abstinence until legal religious marriage, all my life and my type, I just cannot tolerate being even touched by a woman that is not my legal wife whom which I chose (I'm still unmarried), to my bad I carried out this decision and it was completely hard on me to carry it out,I forced myself to something I didn't ever want to and went and paid a prostitute, however I couldn't even touch her and told her I'm leaving and I left immediately, but after additional 3 weeks of narcissistic abuse, I (with extreme hardship) forced myself again and went to another prostitute, this time however, the aftermath happend and I engaged even in full penetrative sex

once I did that I got shocked mentally and immediately dressed up and left the prostitute room, the whole thing didn't exceed 1 minute

but still to this day, I'm a totally destructed person, now two weeks after this incident I left my parents and didn't and won't go ever back (right decision but after a very very very wrong one)

the first 2 and a half years after this aftermath I live literally in hell, it was unbearable mentality that I could not get rid off for 2.5 years, after that I became gradually improving, yet I'm still not in 1 healthy piece

so everytime this question comes to my mind, DENY OR ACCEPT? DENY OR ACCEPT? DENY or ACCEPT?

Last edited by atisketatasket; Mar 29, 2020 at 12:05 PM.. Reason: Added triggers
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Default Mar 24, 2020 at 09:07 PM
  #2
Dear RedemptionSeeker19,

My English is not very good but I want to tell you how very sorry I am for what happened to you.

Wish I had some wisdom or insight so I could help you decide whether to accept or deny, but sadly I don't.

I sure hope others here will be able to help you so that you will feel good again.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Mar 24, 2020 at 09:49 PM
  #3
Hi, RedemptionSeeker19, and welcome to Psych Central! I was not sexually abused, but I had a narcissistic mother. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I suggest you not deny it, but get some counseling to help you work through your feelings. And ultimately accept that it happened. You might be able to get over it after that.

You might post in the forum about abuse to see what they say: https://psychcentralforums.com/survivors-of-abuse/

By the way, I like the idea of waiting for marriage to engage in sex. My husband and I were both in our thirties and both virgins when we married. So, please don't keep worrying about being touched by another woman!
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Default Mar 29, 2020 at 08:36 AM
  #4
Hi RedemptionSeeker19,

I agree that it would probably benefit you to work your way through these negative feelings plaguing you with a counselor, so that you can accept the truth [the truth being that you engaged with a prostitute] and move forward with your life without anguish.

I see you're in Turkey. Here in the western countries it's really not considered a big deal to seek the comfort or pleasure of a prostitute lady, so I really hope you can stop giving yourself such a hard time about it. She's just a person, you're just a person, and it's not a crime to want sex. It's not sexual abuse, friend. It's actually quite normal.

Anyway, yes: therapy I feel could really help you move through this inner battle you're having. Forget about the past.

Peace be with you.
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Default Mar 29, 2020 at 06:40 PM
  #5
At some point you have to come to a place of acceptance. If you don't the past will forever own you. Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the whole thing ever happened. No one advocates that. What has to happen if you want your life back is an acknowledgement that the abuse is reality. It can't be undone. However, learning to live along side of it should be your goal. It's there. You wish it weren't. However, if you want it to be the only defining feature in your life, that's a huge mistake for you. It cripples you.
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Default Mar 31, 2020 at 04:23 PM
  #6
I agree with everyone here, you should seek a therapist - just for the fact that you can talk about it without filters, without judgement. Sometimes, just the act of talking is a great healer. I admire your views and congratulations on not going to a prostitute again. You are being unreasonably hard on yourself. Life is not meant to be a blemish free existence. We make mistakes. We learn from our mistakes and we learn not to make those mistakes - sometimes immediately, sometimes gradually. No child is born with the ability to catwalk. A child learns to walk, stumbles and falls down - learns to pick himself up and walk again. Falling down is necessary - because that's how we learn to pull ourselves up and walk again.

This world is where we are children of God/nature/universe - learning how to walk, learning how to do the right thing in life. So you made a mistake according to your own set of rules. It's a tiny, tiny part of your big , big life. Don't make a small paragraph of your life the focus of your entire book of life. Put it where it belongs - the past. Meditation/mindfulness and journaling can help you gain great insight over yourself and your life.

Good luck.
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Default Apr 02, 2020 at 05:47 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiebunny View Post
At some point you have to come to a place of acceptance. If you don't the past will forever own you. Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the whole thing ever happened. No one advocates that. What has to happen if you want your life back is an acknowledgement that the abuse is reality. It can't be undone. However, learning to live along side of it should be your goal. It's there. You wish it weren't. However, if you want it to be the only defining feature in your life, that's a huge mistake for you. It cripples you.
Yeah, I think you’re right, especially the last thing you wrote, its a huge impact on me as I do actually define myself by that :/ don’t know how to manage this
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Default Apr 02, 2020 at 06:01 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by cluelessgal View Post
I agree with everyone here, you should seek a therapist - just for the fact that you can talk about it without filters, without judgement. Sometimes, just the act of talking is a great healer. I admire your views and congratulations on not going to a prostitute again. You are being unreasonably hard on yourself. Life is not meant to be a blemish free existence. We make mistakes. We learn from our mistakes and we learn not to make those mistakes - sometimes immediately, sometimes gradually. No child is born with the ability to catwalk. A child learns to walk, stumbles and falls down - learns to pick himself up and walk again. Falling down is necessary - because that's how we learn to pull ourselves up and walk again.

This world is where we are children of God/nature/universe - learning how to walk, learning how to do the right thing in life. So you made a mistake according to your own set of rules. It's a tiny, tiny part of your big , big life. Don't make a small paragraph of your life the focus of your entire book of life. Put it where it belongs - the past. Meditation/mindfulness and journaling can help you gain great insight over yourself and your life.

Good luck.
Well, I know mistakes are inevitable sometimes, but such mistake I made is actually very evitable and MUST be avoided, I fought for this all my life, then when I got defeated by these filthy cruel disgusting pieces of unhuman beings called “parents”, I just couldn’t take it so I threw myself in hell, I should’ve just leave them and endure the losses with time, but I made a very wrong decision that I can see I’m regretting my whole life and probably afterlife
It’s not just a simple mistake like the many many others I and all we’ve made, thus is just unblockable because no matter what I do the issue either still persists or grow bigger, nothing is helping, deny gets bigger then boom I’m screwed, accept it? HOW ?! I have a feeling in my genitalia of the taste of that women, HOW the hell I can get rid of that? HOW the hell if I marry a woman I can “taste” her WITHOUT that old “taste” striking back?!
I’m doomed, for how long I don’t know, but I see that’s no less than a long time to endure
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Default Apr 02, 2020 at 06:12 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Hi RedemptionSeeker19,

I agree that it would probably benefit you to work your way through these negative feelings plaguing you with a counselor, so that you can accept the truth [the truth being that you engaged with a prostitute] and move forward with your life without anguish.

I see you're in Turkey. Here in the western countries it's really not considered a big deal to seek the comfort or pleasure of a prostitute lady, so I really hope you can stop giving yourself such a hard time about it. She's just a person, you're just a person, and it's not a crime to want sex. It's not sexual abuse, friend. It's actually quite normal.

Anyway, yes: therapy I feel could really help you move through this inner battle you're having. Forget about the past.

Peace be with you.
I know and acknowledge that I went to a prostitute BUT I extremely refused the idea, I didn’t want sex never not even a single bit not even 0.00000000000000000000000001% of me wanted sex, instead, I was so stressed from my narcissistic inhuman parents so defeated so humiliated so destroyed so betrayed over and over so fallen in their traps that I wanted and insisted on punishing myself in a way that I learn in a stone-engraving way that I should stop and leave them forever and quit trying doing good with them, someone keeps harming you why would you keep doing good to him while he was, is and will forever be hurting you? Seems unlogical right? Not as what you might think because narcissistic relationships are so toxic in a way you can’t imagine that you ultimately end up denying yourself and approving your abuser, only if you experienced narcissistic toxic parents you’d know this, which I hopefully you don’t get the chance to experience that hell of a pain
Btw, sex is NOT a minot thing as you may think, this isn’t the place to prove that, but sex particularly intercourse are like life and death kind of importance
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Default Apr 06, 2020 at 02:15 AM
  #10
I'm not sure how to answer deny or accept. But I think it is important to acknowledge what your parents did and recognize that you were wronged and that you have have a right to feel angry and to your own actions as a result. I totally understand the desire to get revenge on your parents and ruin their reputation, it is something I think about regarding my parents too.

As for sleeping with a prostitute, if it is something you regret, then you can decide not to do it again. You felt driven to it because of what your parents did and you have a right to do it. We often make bad decisions because of unfair circumstances and childhood abuse, but the choice is still ours. So you didn't really do anything wrong in my opinion. If you think it was a mistake, i hope you will remember it and choose not to do it again, but don't punish yourself excessively for having done it.

The way I get revenge on abusive family is to try to achieve more than they want me to. When members of my family tell me I am a loser and can't do something well, I work harder to make them jealous. That may be how my psychological makeup disposes me to act and I understand that self destructive behavior comes more naturally to some. If you are the self destructive type, try to remember that doing things that harm youself or make you feel bad is letting your parents win. Narcissistic parents want you be believe you are a loser so they can keep controlling you. Can you try to beat them at it by living a good life and making yourself happy while not letting them enjoy your success?
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