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Old 03-24-2020, 01:46 AM   #1
RedemptionSeeker19
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Trig Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Hi, this question always comes to my mind and I don't know the correct answer, I must know it so that I can begin working and digging this thought deep in my mind

Deny or Accept sexual abuse (of some strange form) ? and try to get over it in any of the two cases

to understand what I've been gone through, you can read what I wrote below:

so for my abuse, I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor from the most disgusting narcissistic parents you could ever imagine, furthermore, I'm a naturally born empath which even complicated the problem for me

back to 3 years ago, I reached an utmost point of stress and abuse from my parents, to the point exceeding my breaking point, and what happened is, instead of me thinking rationally and deciding to go on NO contact forever with them, I (sorry this makes me very extreme regret) I back then decided with utmost stupidy that I should punish myself and my parents, by what? by going to a engage in a sexual activity with a prostitute, so that I can harm my parents reputation (what a stupid thinking)
now coming to me, I'm VERY strict about sexual abstinence until legal religious marriage, all my life and my type, I just cannot tolerate being even touched by a woman that is not my legal wife whom which I chose (I'm still unmarried), to my bad I carried out this decision and it was completely hard on me to carry it out,I forced myself to something I didn't ever want to and went and paid a prostitute, however I couldn't even touch her and told her I'm leaving and I left immediately, but after additional 3 weeks of narcissistic abuse, I (with extreme hardship) forced myself again and went to another prostitute, this time however, the aftermath happend and I engaged even in full penetrative sex

once I did that I got shocked mentally and immediately dressed up and left the prostitute room, the whole thing didn't exceed 1 minute

but still to this day, I'm a totally destructed person, now two weeks after this incident I left my parents and didn't and won't go ever back (right decision but after a very very very wrong one)

the first 2 and a half years after this aftermath I live literally in hell, it was unbearable mentality that I could not get rid off for 2.5 years, after that I became gradually improving, yet I'm still not in 1 healthy piece

so everytime this question comes to my mind, DENY OR ACCEPT? DENY OR ACCEPT? DENY or ACCEPT?

Last edited by atisketatasket; 03-29-2020 at 12:05 PM.. Reason: Added triggers
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Old 03-24-2020, 09:07 PM   #2
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Dear RedemptionSeeker19,

My English is not very good but I want to tell you how very sorry I am for what happened to you.

Wish I had some wisdom or insight so I could help you decide whether to accept or deny, but sadly I don't.

I sure hope others here will be able to help you so that you will feel good again.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Old 03-24-2020, 09:49 PM   #3
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Hi, RedemptionSeeker19, and welcome to Psych Central! I was not sexually abused, but I had a narcissistic mother. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I suggest you not deny it, but get some counseling to help you work through your feelings. And ultimately accept that it happened. You might be able to get over it after that.

You might post in the forum about abuse to see what they say: https://psychcentralforums.com/survivors-of-abuse/

By the way, I like the idea of waiting for marriage to engage in sex. My husband and I were both in our thirties and both virgins when we married. So, please don't keep worrying about being touched by another woman!
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Old 03-29-2020, 08:36 AM   #4
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Hi RedemptionSeeker19,

I agree that it would probably benefit you to work your way through these negative feelings plaguing you with a counselor, so that you can accept the truth [the truth being that you engaged with a prostitute] and move forward with your life without anguish.

I see you're in Turkey. Here in the western countries it's really not considered a big deal to seek the comfort or pleasure of a prostitute lady, so I really hope you can stop giving yourself such a hard time about it. She's just a person, you're just a person, and it's not a crime to want sex. It's not sexual abuse, friend. It's actually quite normal.

Anyway, yes: therapy I feel could really help you move through this inner battle you're having. Forget about the past.

Peace be with you.
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Old 03-29-2020, 06:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

At some point you have to come to a place of acceptance. If you don't the past will forever own you. Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the whole thing ever happened. No one advocates that. What has to happen if you want your life back is an acknowledgement that the abuse is reality. It can't be undone. However, learning to live along side of it should be your goal. It's there. You wish it weren't. However, if you want it to be the only defining feature in your life, that's a huge mistake for you. It cripples you.
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Old 03-31-2020, 04:23 PM   #6
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

I agree with everyone here, you should seek a therapist - just for the fact that you can talk about it without filters, without judgement. Sometimes, just the act of talking is a great healer. I admire your views and congratulations on not going to a prostitute again. You are being unreasonably hard on yourself. Life is not meant to be a blemish free existence. We make mistakes. We learn from our mistakes and we learn not to make those mistakes - sometimes immediately, sometimes gradually. No child is born with the ability to catwalk. A child learns to walk, stumbles and falls down - learns to pick himself up and walk again. Falling down is necessary - because that's how we learn to pull ourselves up and walk again.

This world is where we are children of God/nature/universe - learning how to walk, learning how to do the right thing in life. So you made a mistake according to your own set of rules. It's a tiny, tiny part of your big , big life. Don't make a small paragraph of your life the focus of your entire book of life. Put it where it belongs - the past. Meditation/mindfulness and journaling can help you gain great insight over yourself and your life.

Good luck.
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Old 04-02-2020, 05:47 PM   #7
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiebunny View Post
At some point you have to come to a place of acceptance. If you don't the past will forever own you. Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the whole thing ever happened. No one advocates that. What has to happen if you want your life back is an acknowledgement that the abuse is reality. It can't be undone. However, learning to live along side of it should be your goal. It's there. You wish it weren't. However, if you want it to be the only defining feature in your life, that's a huge mistake for you. It cripples you.
Yeah, I think you’re right, especially the last thing you wrote, its a huge impact on me as I do actually define myself by that :/ don’t know how to manage this
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