Being on Lockdown with Abusers

Does anyone want a support thread for people stuck with their abusers?

I have no where else to stay. I hate it here.

Dear KD1980,

I am so very, very sorry you are in that dreadful situation. It must be so painful and distressing to you. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Wish I knew what to say that would help.

-- Yao Wen

Hi KD1980, sending hugs to you. I think this thread right here is a good idea. I'm sure there are others in the same situation. If you need to talk, we're here.

find ways to escape, be brave and strong!

Great Topic! So important to share this.

I feel your pain. A very serious and overlooked subject right now. I am stuck in a bad situation right now for next couple weeks.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. This is the worst.

We live with our mother who is a narcissist and was emotionally neglectful and slightly emotionally abusive to us growing up. We have no other place we can live. No other option. We are leaving the house for PHP Monday through Friday but that is it pretty much. Otherwise we are home. With her. Because she isn't going anywhere. We try to just avoid or ignore her, but that never works. She just pushed or screams to check our phone because we didn't respond to her text. Or she'll call non-stop until she gets a response of some kind. God forbid she get off her bed and do something for herself though... Unless it's to see why we aren't responding... She hasn't been "as bad" lately though. Mental health crises can do that, apparently. We're just afraid this whole situation is gonna prompt another crisis.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Do you think she's maybe concerned about you? It sounds like she's anxious and she's gotten in the habit of texting and calling over and over. Of course, this doesn't help her anxiety. But maybe it makes her feel better once you answer- even if you're mad? I'm trying to see if from her side.

She could be. Especially recently. We've been struggling a lot the last several months. But she's been doing this for years.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Be strong, @KD1980! It is an hard moment for ALL of us, and it is even harder when we're stuck with people we do NOT like! Hang in there! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @KD1980, ALL of your Family, ALL of your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!

Big hugs to you!

I didn't originally want to respond to this thread because up until recently, I didn't realize I was (and is) in an abusive relationship. I'm in my mid 40s with 2 young children, 3 and 1, and it pains me how this is affecting my children.

He doesn't beat me, so extra hugs and prayers for those who are.

But the psychological bs that plays in and out daily is too much. I just want to enjoy my kids. I just want to enjoy my new hobby. I just want to enjoy the next few chapters of my life.

It stinks being in the same room with any abusers. I can't imagine what it must be like being in lockdown with them. Ugh. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Yes, same situation. High-conflict divorce with Narcissist (NPD). Two minor children home. Have found a few coping techniques that are assisting.

1. 1-2 times a day (before children wake or late at nigh with flashlight) I am walking with the dog. I am losing weight/becoming more confident, dog is healthier, and I am reconnecting with supportive friends/family during phone calls during the walk.

2. Spouse shut-off all cable, took cable boxes back to Cable company. He bought an Amazon stick for the bedroom so he can watch news and programming by self and with children.

He is continuously attempting to isolate me and cut-off interactions with children, news sources, etc.

I purchased a $59 Roku stick with earphone plug in remote (a Godsend!). You will need rechargeable batteries as earphones seem to drain batteries. Free channels to download (free music, free religious support like Joyce Meyer channel, free news...). Just need wifi/internet access. This is a sanity, game-changer for me. simply turn on music/support tv and plug-in (avoiding conflict and interactions).

Available at Best Buy. Order online for curbside pick-up.

3. Signed-up for grocery delivery service (Dave Ramsey has a 50% off discount for Shipt if you sign-up for free trial of 14 day eMeals service). This reduced Shipt service from $99 to $50 per year.

SHIPT
NO fees for delivery of $35 orders or more. This is very empowering! No more bowing-down to spouse (yes, he controls grocery purchases too). No covid concerns for me in regards to shopping. No leaving home, so he can document that I am away from the children.

Many stores are on the list (based on location). You can also add multiple addresses to list for FREE (college students, gift delivery).

4. Free podcasts. I highly recommend listening to BOTH podcasts if you think you are being abused.

Grow with Christine by Christine Hammond (also FREE on iTunes, has website)

"All is Fair" by Laura Wasser (FREE on iTunes, iHeart radio, has website)

5. Divorce financing (I first heard of this via the All is Fair podcast above) financing is offered by Nicole Noonan, of New Chapter Capital. You can get a $20,000 loan by contacting your chosen attorney and having them initiate an e-mail to New Chapter Capital. Your Attorney will simply verify if you have sufficient assets to pay back, following divorce.

I wish I had known about this financing before hiring my attorney. I would have been MUCH more aggressive and LESS FEARFUL with $20,000 backing me (he cut me off financially).

I estimated the loan rate to be under 20%, if it was taken for 2 years. Much better than the interest I am paying on a charge account!

6. Join a church, see if they have services online? Mine already offered this service, so it was an easy transition. I watch weekly either online, via Vimeo (free app) or more recently on Roku through the Vimeo channel.

7. Join a church divorce support group. This was very helpful for me. You are not alone and what we are going through is common. Listening to others issues helped to give me perspective, prioritize, and helps me to realize that this too shall pass. This support group recently began meeting online, using Zoom video conference software.

8. Connect with a counselor, therapist, psychiatrist online (one who deals with abuse victims). I recently had a phone session with an NPD therapist. Many of these therapists are moving to offering online service to individuals like us who are going through abuse with spouses.

9. The DAWN center also offers free phone counseling.

10. If your spouse is like mine, You might want to see about ordering a "safe" phone. Maybe order a used phone, identical to the one they have access to). My spouse has been monitoring my Realize that he tapped into my icloud, email, photos and much more. This bizarre OCD control issue is part of the NPD disorder. It is abusive, crazy-making behavior.

Please let me know if any of these help.

Prayers for Peace,

@DesigningApple: I'm so sorry your spouse is a narcissist. My biological father is one. He also tried to paint my mom as a "bad mom". I'm so sorry for you and your kids.