Struggling

Hi,

I am a not a frequent poster. But things have been overwhelming. There's so many different problems I struggle with- ocd, not seeing reality, being trapped in so many distressing situations. Maybe I should be posting in the ocd forum. But despite all those issues I guess I also struggle so much with my home life.

I have no friends, maybe its the autism plus all the mental illnesses. I don't know.
But friends, family, I have no one. Never have really...

I confronted my dad today about something health/insurance-related and he and the rest of the family laughed, belittled and treated me like I was a horrible, lying person who deserved to have unfortunate things happen to her.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life this year. I told myself I couldn't go through that torture again today when I woke up.

My mum pretty much said 'shame on you' and that I deserved the consequences.
My dad kept looking to my older sister during my honest heartfelt speech like they were the sane, wholesome ppl and I was the liar and slanderer.

My mum kept following me around afterwards until I had to drive off.

I just could really use a friend. My mental problems, hell, my problems in general, afren;t normal, and I'm not normal. I've never been able to really tell anyone, friend, psychologist or other about these things.

I have had such a toxic relationship with my family my whole life.
What can I do if I'm alone?
I can't even make friends in the first place because I have always been so different.
Anyway, I wish someone understand my position in life. I feel trapped. My parents are what you would call narcissists. If you know what that is like you'll know what I mean
My problems cause me so much distress but now having to be in lockdown with the type of evil that my family are I feel like I want to die.

Dear Lian,

I am so very, very sorry for the ordeal you are going through and I can't even imagine how the coronavirus situation must make it even more unbearable.

Its awful when family is not a source of understanding, encouragement, compassion and consolation. Having some experience with that myself, I know how much of a living nightmare that can be.

Wish I knew what to say that would help but I am kind of in the same situation you describe. My heart really goes out to you!

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

Dear Lian, My Mum has CPTSD and my father was a porn addict. my mum made me feel stupid and my dad was her enabler. I tried so move out so many times, run away, live at a friend's.
I don't have many friends now, because I'm a agoraphobic, CPTSD and depression and anxiety blah b;ah blah balls ablah.. and so on.
Thought I had autism- but it was CPTSD- often misdiagnosed for one another.
My heart goes out to you, being in isolation with your abusers! - I know how that feels!
Feel free to PM me, if you can on here, I dunno I'm new lol.
It's ridiculous how abusive people can be, it's ridiculous that you have no friends--- change status--- 1 --- here if you need. Everyone needs a friend. my post is pending.

xx

Thank you, Yao Wen. There has been so much that has happened and there was a few more incidents since lockdown started. I have a feeling that we may come from similar cultures (Asian parents?)

I hope you are also doing okay. You can pm me if you want as well.

Thanks, wheezyrose.

I don't know if I can identify with a parent who has cptsd, but I can definitely relate to having no one. I've never been diagnosed with cptsd (but then again, my diagnoses always seem to come very 'late')
If you are also stuck with ur parents I feel you, its sucks so much.

I hope you are also holding up okay with everything.