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Old 03-25-2020, 02:18 PM   #1
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Trig Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Hi, this question always comes to my mind and I don't know the correct answer, I must know it so that I can begin working and digging this thought deep in my mind

Deny or Accept sexual abuse (of some strange form) ? and try to get over it in any of the two cases

to understand what I've been gone through, you can read what I wrote below:

so for my abuse, I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor from the most disgusting narcissistic parents you could ever imagine, furthermore, I'm a naturally born empath which even complicated the problem for me

back to 3 years ago, I reached an utmost point of stress and abuse from my parents, to the point exceeding my breaking point, and what happened is, instead of me thinking rationally and deciding to go on NO contact forever with them, I (sorry this makes me very extreme regret) I back then decided with utmost stupidy that I should punish myself and my parents, by what? by going to a engage in a sexual activity with a prostitute, so that I can harm my parents reputation (what a stupid thinking)
now coming to me, I'm VERY strict about sexual abstinence until legal religious marriage, all my life and my type, I just cannot tolerate being even touched by a woman that is not my legal wife whom which I chose (I'm still unmarried), to my bad I carried out this decision and it was completely hard on me to carry it out,I forced myself to something I didn't ever want to and went and paid a prostitute, however I couldn't even touch her and told her I'm leaving and I left immediately, but after additional 3 weeks of narcissistic abuse, I (with extreme hardship) forced myself again and went to another prostitute, this time however, the aftermath happend and I engaged even in full penetrative sex

once I did that I got shocked mentally and immediately dressed up and left the prostitute room, the whole thing didn't exceed 1 minute

but still to this day, I'm a totally destructed person, now two weeks after this incident I left my parents and didn't and won't go ever back (right decision but after a very very very wrong one)

the first 2 and a half years after this aftermath I live literally in hell, it was unbearable mentality that I could not get rid off for 2.5 years, after that I became gradually improving, yet I'm still not in 1 healthy piece

so everytime this question comes to my mind, DENY OR ACCEPT? DENY OR ACCEPT? DENY or ACCEPT?

I might also mix between them, like if I can get over it at the moment I'll try, if not I'll deny, what you think of such strategy?

Last edited by bluekoi; 03-25-2020 at 07:17 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Old 03-25-2020, 08:39 PM   #2
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

Well, denial is lying, to others to yourself, so that doesn't work or remove anything. Accept is confusing, it doesn't mean approval but instead finally getting to a point where you accept something did happen in your life, like it or not, it happened.
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Old 03-26-2020, 06:53 AM   #3
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Default Re: Deny or Accept and get over it? (Sexual Abuse)

I don't know how you deny reality, unless you choose to pretend it didn't happen. Ithink the best thing is to deal with what happened perhaps with the help of a therapist. Sadly sexual abuse is so common (happened to me). Sending hugs. My understanding is that if we deny or ignore any trauma, it will keep cropping up in your mind, as a way of urging you to address it. It takes courage to do that.
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