It bothers me that I can't be more generous while my sister controls my finances

Lately, I have wished I could do more for people with donations and doing extra work and stuff. But I simply can't because even though I do plenty of work for the family business, it's a huge fight every time I need $10-20 for something. Last year, my sister yelled "What a f***ing waste of money!" When I bought myself a $10 hair dryer, then she took my hair dryer and kept it in her bedroom for herself to use.

A few days ago, she wanted to give $120+ worth of gifts to people she wanted to impress, but denied me a simple request for $20 for something I needed. So I objected to her giving gifts (of products I had made for the family business) when the business can't afford to pay me $20 for many weeks of work. My sister called me selfish and screamed all sorts of threats and insults.

The fact is, we are short of money because she spends so much on her dog. She even spent an extra $50 this month on top of hundreds of dollars of vet bills because she's been popping her dog's prescription drugs and ran out early so she had to buy higher priced ones locally. I'm just so pissed at the hypocrisy. She justifies all her spending as necessary but if I want to buy 1-2 small things a year, she calls me entitled and labels me a toxic narcissist.

So now I keep seeing things on the news and wishing I could help out, but I don't even have enough resources for my own survival and that makes me really mad. Every day, I make a wish that my controlling sister would die and I could continue in the business that I worked hard to build and actually have some kind of life without listening to a screaming idiot every day.

Dear MrsA,

I am so very. very sorry that you are in the situation you describe. It sounds very stressful and distressing! I think it is beautiful that you want to help others with donations. What a wonderful and generous spirit you have.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

I guess I'm wondering why your sister has control of all your finances. Is that in writing?

It's a long story how it happened. Thanks for letting me vent.

I think in your situation, it's hard to give sound advice because there's a lot of variables we're not understanding. Of course, you're free to vent as much as you'd like!

I hope you can find a way to improve this situation, somehow. It definitely sounds stressful. Big hugs to you!

Yeah, I managed to get what I needed, but it always takes a huge fight so it's really stressful.

Maybe it's worth another (non-physical) fight to insist on a decent allowance per week or biweekly..?

Yes, I might try that. During every fight, she makes a lot of threats as if she has all the power and I would be lost without her. But after a fight she treads carefully for a while. After a particularly bad fight, it lasted several months and then the swearing and temoer tantrums gradually came back until we got into another full blown fight.

I have gained a lot of ground, I think. The last fight over was something I needed to change to reduce our debts so I can eventually have enough money get away from her.