I'm 34/f and I think I just realized/accepted I was sexually abused as a teen

With all the Jeffrey Epstein stuff going on, I've caught myself somewhat obsessing over him and his victims.
As I said I'm a 34 year old female and I've lived quite the life... I didn't have the easiest upbringing. My mom was an addict and my dad had his trouble with the law. So up until I was about 11 things weren't going great, but no sexual trauma or physical abuse. Just neglect.. anyways... I started smoking pot around 11 and started dabbling in meth at about 13. Well when I was 14 (going on 30) I met a guy, that cooked meth and he was older... 38 to be exact and I thought he loved me and I loved him. I remember a car chase with him and my dad, and me literally jumping out of his moving vehicle so my dad and brother wouldn't catch him ( I knew my dad wouldn't just drive by and leave me on the road) so when my dad brings me home and I rush to get ahold of this grown *** man I thought I was in a real relationship with, I realize my mom is calling the cops on him, so naturally I freak out as only a teenager can and I runaway. And for the next, almost 2 years at the age of 14 until I was almost 16, I lived with a 40 year old man up until we got arrested for Conspiracy to Manufacture Methamphetamine, a month before my 16th birthday.
Even as I write this I can't remember exact details. I can't remember if we had sex. I can't remember if he ever touched me or I touched him. I can only remember one incident about being in the shower and him telling me he liked it shaved...
Almost 2 years of my life and that's literally all I remember.
Since I was 16, I continued my addiction to meth, have been in and out of jail, prison twice (only because I escaped the first time), I don't have any kids yet, and I can't sustain a healthy relationship if my life depended on it.
So I'm not really sure why I'm posting this or what I expect to come from it.. I guess I just needed to say it out loud or see it in writing... try to make it more real so I quit hiding from it.. or maybe I need to be told it's not my fault or maybe that I'm not a victim at all..

Welcome to Psych Central, paris. Here are links to a selection of 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that I thought might be of interest to you:

8 Tips for Healing Emotional Wounds

Healing Your Inner Child

6 Steps to Help Heal Your Inner Child

Childhood Emotional Neglect: The Fatal Flaw

Childhood Emotional Neglect | Invisible, powerful childhood emotional neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ional-neglect/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/memory...r-from-trauma/

https://psychcentral.com/guilt/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

You were just a teen who made some bad choices and I’m so sorry that you ended up in that situation.

And if he did anything to you that makes him the guilty one. He made the choice to run off with a teenager, he chose to live alone with a teenager. There is a reason why there is an age of consent, because younger than that a kid’s brain isn’t developed enough to make a choice like that.

I hope that life will be easier on you and you can begin a journey to recovery.