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Old 06-30-2020, 07:56 AM   #11
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Default Re: Memories

Originally Posted by guy1111 View Post
I had a similar experience, maybe you can relate. After starting some good therapy, I began to have moments of calm that I never experienced. It made me depressed at first because I had never had felt lasting calm in my life. I looked back at my life and started to cry because I had spent my whole life feeling anxious and I thought, "what a waste". I was grieving over how sad it was to go my whole life and never being able to be calm. It felt like a waste, and I had to let go and accept that terrible things had been done to me and that's why I lived in anxiety my whole life. Afterwards I struggled for a while just sitting with my wife listening to quiet music and painting for relaxation.

Also after divorcing my abusive wife and getting re-married, my new wife would give me compliments I had never heard and I would break into tears because no one had ever told me such nice things. I wasn't used to feeling good either.

It took me a while to get used to these things that some people have had their whole lives.

Maybe you are experiencing something similar, where you feel robbed of your emotions but in reality, we shouldn't have to feel anxious about the past. It's hard to hear, but it's actually healthy not to feel anxious all the time. It's a good thing to just feel calm.
Yes! Thats exactly how I feel!
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Old 07-01-2020, 03:48 PM   #12
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Default Re: Memories

Originally Posted by Rive1976 View Post
Yes! Thats exactly how I feel!
Ok, maybe just give it some time to sink in. Allow yourself to use the time you spent worrying to just relax or begin to explore taking care of yourself. If you start to feel weird, try to remind yourself that it takes time to adjust. I think alot of people can't handle feeling good for the first time and self-sabatoge to get back to the familiar feeling of depression or anxiety.

I did something important and helpful today at work and people recognized it. I felt so uncomfortable I wanted to run and hide. I had to just sit in the fact that I did a good job. Now I am trying to just move slowly so I don't screw anything up. I deserve to take it easy for the rest of the work day. It's ok. I am a good person.

You are strong for working on being a better person, Rive1976! Good job!!
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