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Mammatus
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Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: France
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3 yr Member
Confused Jun 26, 2020 at 09:10 AM
  #1
Hello,
This is my first post and I'm here because I need help for something. First and foremost, I need to say that I'm not in danger, and that I just feel a little bit lost.

I was mentally and physically abused on the internet before, and I only had a dream about it, and it's recent. But because I have also been hurt a lot in the past, belittled, today I feel like I have to look like the people who destroyed me in the past in order to be a good person. It sounds weird I know. It's hard to explain. Today when I see all the people who hurt me are appreciated, I feel like I have been the wrong person all this time, and that if I look like them, if I do wrong and live right, I'll be a good boy. I've been told over and over again that I'm always to blame, that I shouldn't even try to be happy today, and maybe they're right.

So yes, I need some opinions and ideas on how to get through this. I hope I'm in the right place, because everywhere I've been, no one has ever wanted to answer me.
Thank you, I wish you all the best.
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Anonymous43372
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Default Jun 28, 2020 at 11:52 AM
  #2
What you describe is actually normal. When I was on another forum for years, a group of regulars somehow found out my real identity and started to bully me in the forum, and then call me at my home or send me items in the mail. It was quite alarming. I reported them to the forum moderators, yet none of their accounts were suspended or banned. They were unscathed. However, after I reported the regulars to the moderators, *I* was banned from the forum for all eternity. I can appreciate how you feel. Your internet bullies were treated fine, but you were treated badly. Of course it can play tricks on your mind and how you feel about yourself, as if to blame yourself.

Don't blame yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. The group of online bullies you encountered are bad people. Don't internalize their shame of you (which is their tactic to make you feel bad about yourself, instead of holding them responsible for their bad behavior). Feel good about yourself. Don't assign your self-worth as "bad" because some strangers on the internet who were mean to you call you bad.

So, my advice to you, is to ignore those internet bullies and their shallow opinions of you. That's what I have done. And there is an "ignore: button in your profile settings in this forum, that you can type in the member's name so that they are put on 'ignore' by you. They won't be able to respond to your posts or send you messages if you put them on 'ignore.'
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Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Xonyx
Abusedbysister
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Default Jul 02, 2020 at 11:58 AM
  #3
Hi there,
Welcome to the forum. I think Mott gave a very good answer if your main concern is with Internet bullies. I can relate to your comment regarding the bullies getting appreciated and you are the one that is blamed. It is very common for bystanders, including family and friends, to side with the bullies and blame the victim. This is one way of justifying why they didn’t do anything and just watched while you suffered. It is hard to see the bullies live well and get appreciated while the victim does not. This is my story as well. I have got therapy to get help with my self esteem, which will help with being more assertive in general.
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Mammatus
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Default Jul 16, 2020 at 05:02 PM
  #4
Thanks for your answers. Just to clear up something, it was not here but on a game where I used to play a lot online.
I made a lot of mistakes at the time because I was lost and didn't know I had mental issues. I hurt someone specifically and know I don't want to see them anymore, because when I'm here they like to hurt me back. They made me apologize when all I wanted was to be happy and move on. I had to say I was a monster when I was hurt too, and that I knew I did things wrong and that I improved myself.
I really hate myself. I don't know what to do to manage to live by telling myself that I'm someone's monster and that my pain is just something ugly, that I deserve to suffer...
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