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Default Aug 02, 2020 at 05:30 AM
  #1
I'm CinereousNadir. I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, general depression and possible Aspergers. I also suffer from religious trauma syndrome, though it's still not included in the DSM.

My whole life I've felt like I just don't belong anywhere in this Society or on this planet. I was born into a religious cult that basically destroyed my mental health with rampant perfectionism, guilt and shame. Even though I left it behind years ago the effects still linger; I still get recurring nightmares about being coerced or blackmailed into going back to church, and about being trapped inside a church building. I'm still triggered by religious people all the time.

It seems that my worldview and personality are fundamentally incompatible with people. I'm extremely introverted, thanks to decades of social phobia and the resultant avoidance. I've never had any interest in the things that matter to most people, such as friendships, dating, marriage, children, home ownership, career advancement, etc. I just want to be left alone by everyone, even though I know that's logically impossible.

I'm not sure why I'm even here; I know I won't fit in.

Last edited by bluekoi; Aug 06, 2020 at 07:53 PM.. Reason: To bring within community guidelines.
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Default Aug 02, 2020 at 11:06 PM
  #2
Dear CinereousNadir,

Welcome to the Forums. It is very nice to meet you.

I am so very, very sorry for the horrible ordeals you have suffered in your life. I can't even imagine the living nightmares you have been burdened with for so long. It is just utterly heartbreaking. I hope you will find this place to be a warm and welcoming one. Hopefully we can fit in with you. I think you are an incredibly heroic person and it is not only a pleasure but also a real honor to know you. I wish you only the best.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Aug 03, 2020 at 01:58 AM
  #3
Welcome to you CinereousNadir.

Many of reasons listed by you are exactly the reasons you do belong here. You can come and go as you please. This is a place where you do have free will.

Ask any questions and feel free to answer other people who have been right where you are. We are out here. Unseen but never unheard.
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Default Aug 03, 2020 at 06:49 AM
  #4
Welcome! I too was abused in a Fundamentalist church, and left 20 years ago. I was fortunate to find a therapist who understood spiritual abuse. There are many helpful books about spiritual abuse. They were helpful. You DO belong here, and everyone is very kind and helpful. xo
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Smile Aug 03, 2020 at 02:11 PM
  #5
Welcome to Psych Central, CinereousNadir. You wrote you know you won't fit in. My concerns are different from yours. But they're not ones that many PC members can relate to. So I often feel I don't really fit in either. But the fact is anyone can fit in here if they want to.

To a large extent, it's up to you. Things tend to move quickly here on PC. Sometimes it can take a bit of time to become known. But the more you post your own threads, and especially the more you reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Aug 03, 2020 at 02:18 PM
  #6
welcome.

it is nice to meet you.

hope you find the forum helps
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Default Aug 05, 2020 at 11:06 PM
  #7
This may sound crazy, but I love your post. I had to look up the word cinereous, so that's my new word-of-the-day. I am the spouse of someone similar in you to many ways. The religious aspects of childhood guilt and shame were not there, but childhood guilt and shame were rampant in the upbringing just the same. My spouse also carried a "possible Asperger's " diagnosis for 5 years, treated by the head of the department at a university hospital, in the children's ward no less, because there were few if any in our area who specialized in adult Asperger's. A medically (accidently) induced psychotic break killed that diagnosis for a better one. Turns out, many years down the road, the childhood trauma, which looked a little like PTSD, found a very plausable home in Complex-PTSD. It might be worth a look. Every aspect clicks, no exceptions, which is a first. We have been married 30 years this month. I look forward to hearing from you again. Peace Out, from me, Going Gray
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 10:58 AM
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Welcome to pc, it’s nice to meet you. I hope you find it helpful here

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Default Aug 17, 2020 at 07:38 AM
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Welcome!
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Default Aug 18, 2020 at 01:33 AM
  #10
You do belong here. We're kind of all in this together even if we have had different experiences with abuse. It sounds like you have been through a lot of hardships. I've also struggled, for different reasons, with feeling like I belong in this world, my family, etc.. Like you, I can be an extreme introvert. I'm not very talkative. Have social phobia though it's gotten better since I took a job in retail and consistently forced myself to interact with people through customer service. What I'm saying is you're not alone in feeling that way. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert either, we're pretty cool people. I hope you find this place helpful.
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