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Old 09-02-2020, 03:58 PM   #1
Cdogger76
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Default How do I forgive my adult sisters?

I am the youngest of 4 kids, all of us now in our 60's. When we were little, up until college years, my two older sisters were very mean to me. They'd harass me and bully me till I ran from them in tears and hid in the closet. Our parents would say that I was 'too sensitive ' and to get over it. They never told my sisters to knock it off-it was always me they blamed. The sibling rivalry was cut throat. They were very competitive with me, even in adolescence. That part continues to this day. Even as adults now, my one sister is always competing with me about everything. I can't stand her competitive spirit! I feel like a loser around the both of them.

We are adults now, and we are cautiously polite with one another. But I feel such bitterness towards them for instilling a deep fear in me of any kind of female friendships-they weren't exactly roll models of female friendships.

How can I get over the way they treated me in childhood (and sometimes even now ) and forgive them once and for all?

Thank you, friends....
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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.”
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Old 09-02-2020, 04:44 PM   #2
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

I finally had to give up on my abusive brother. I have not spoken to him in 9 years. Could not be happier about it. He is a scumbag.

Just because you are genetically related to someone does not mean they are good people. Move on. You deserve better. Forgive, but get away.

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Old 09-02-2020, 06:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
I finally had to give up on my abusive brother. I have not spoken to him in 9 years. Could not be happier about it. He is a scumbag.

Just because you are genetically related to someone does not mean they are good people. Move on. You deserve better. Forgive, but get away.

Hugs.
Thanks for the advice, bp cyclist. I'm sorry your brother was so abusive That must've been so hard for you. Glad you have peace about him now.

Take care,
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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.”
~Audrey Kitching
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Old 09-02-2020, 06:12 PM   #4
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

I never forgave my bully sister for the misery she caused me. I went zero contact with her 25 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I do not have to forgive her or have her in my life just because she is my sister. I am not God and it is not my job to forgive her. That is his job.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 09-02-2020, 06:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
I never forgave my bully sister for the misery she caused me. I went zero contact with her 25 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I do not have to forgive her or have her in my life just because she is my sister. I am not God and it is not my job to forgive her. That is his job.
Thank you, MoxieDoxie for your post 25 years is a long time for no contact with your sister, but if your happy today then it was worth it! We have to put ourselves first.
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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.”
~Audrey Kitching
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Old 09-03-2020, 02:35 AM   #6
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

I’m so sorry, Cdogger! I get on really well with my older brother now, but he would wind me up when we were children and rarely was the one to be told off (I was also “too sensitive”) so I can relate a little. I hated him for a few years but not now.
I concur with the others; blood ties don’t mean you need to forgive them. Family, ideally, should have your back, not be trying to score points off of you or make you feel bad about yourself.
Think about what you’d like to do for yourself here? If they don’t have your best interests at heart, you need to look after yourself first.
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Old 09-03-2020, 05:58 AM   #7
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
I’m so sorry, Cdogger! I get on really well with my older brother now, but he would wind me up when we were children and rarely was the one to be told off (I was also “too sensitive”) so I can relate a little. I hated him for a few years but not now.
I concur with the others; blood ties don’t mean you need to forgive them. Family, ideally, should have your back, not be trying to score points off of you or make you feel bad about yourself.
Think about what you’d like to do for yourself here? If they don’t have your best interests at heart, you need to look after yourself first.
RoxanneToto~

Thank you for your wise advice!

My closest age sister sometimes behaves like she's around 12 yrs. old still. I feel like her big sister most of the time we're together, not her little sister! Her competitiveness drives me up a wall! I guess I shouldn't worry too much about forgiving them for now. Later, maybe, but now I'll just concentrate on putting myself and my needs first !
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“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.”
~Audrey Kitching
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Old 09-13-2020, 03:29 PM   #8
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

Have you tried talking to your two sisters about how they made you feel? If do, how’d they respond to you? If they apologized to you & started treating you better, then great. If not, then stay away from them from now on.

Your parents should’ve had your back. They obviously bullied you since they knew they’d be able to get away with it.

Possible trigger warning ahead:

I’m sorry to hear that. My younger sister was favored by my parents & she still is. She was rarely punished for anything. Almost everything was my fault & even when she attacked me in their house as an adult at the age of 40, they forbid me from calling the cops on her.

My face was bleeding & scratched in a few places. It took almost a year for the swelling & bruises to go away . Luckily I don’t have any visible scars.

I was told that I’m to sensitive too & they excused her violent psychotic attack on me since she was going through a stressful time & I upset her by not believing her story about not being involved in her latest criminal activity.

She is a career criminal & is still favored & spoiled by them regardless of that!

As for everyone else who responded on this thread, it’s for the best that you all stayed from your abusive & toxic siblings.

I haven’t spoken to my evil sister in 4 years & I doubt we’ll ever talk to each other again. She never cared about me. I was nothing more to her than a person she could use.

Last edited by jesyka; 09-13-2020 at 04:50 PM..
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Old 09-14-2020, 07:34 AM   #9
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Default Re: How do I forgive my adult sisters?

I find that writing a letter of restorative justice can help. Restorative justice says....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. The letter if for YOU. You can give it to the abuser or choose to keep it.
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Old 09-15-2020, 09:29 PM   #10
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