My messed up life(Trigger)

I think life started out okay. I don't have a lot of memories of my childhood. Maybe one birthday party, and a trip to Disney Land. Things got worse in 4th grade. I switched schools, and never had any deep friendships.

I was a very innocent child. So I didn't understand that when a brother has you lay down on a bed and pull your pants down, it isn't right. It also isn't right when he then pulls his down. That continues for about 6 months. He stops, and I forget about it. At the end of 6th grade, I slowly realized what happened to me. It was one of my bigger struggles in middle school.

I dealt with a lot of bullying and isolation in junior high. Never had any friends. Which is why I was ecstatic that two girls sat with me in 8th grade. I didn't learn until much later that they weren't my friends. They made fun of me, and threw shoes at me. I told them about my abuse experience, and they laughed and accused me of lying.

In 7th grade, our new neighbors dog escaped their house, and ripped my cat to shreds in front of our eyes. I still remember running to the laundry room, and my brother asking me to turn on the sink to get the blood off his hands.

Things aren't that great right now. I still struggle with guilt and anxiety. I have suffered from depression for years and haven't told anyone. Anxiety and panic attacks. Scared of loud noises and easily frightened.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope that will never happen again.

Children for the most part are innocent and there is so much they simply do not know. A lot of people/children experience bullying and they don't know what to do when it happens. It's about power, as a matter of fact all primates do it. We tend to remember bullies too, not because we are weak but more so because being bullied frightens and confuses us and often when young we simply don't know how to react to it so we tend to cower and feel fear.

I am sorry that you have been challenged with depression, that can happen when someone feels powerless too often and thinks poorly of themselves for how they feel and can't seem to pull out of it. Inside you there is talent though, and that's what you need to discover.

I am sorry this has happened to you.

I'm sorry that you had to experience that. No one should have to experience anything like that. You have all the support you need from us.

I'm sorry these things happened to you.

Hugs and respect