My mother doesn’t believe me

Just finished talk to my mother and she still thinks that alcoholism is not a disease it’s a matter of will power & my depression and anxiety are fake and everything that happened to me is my fault even when I was raped at age 17

I am so sorry she isn't being the support you need her to be.

we can't change others, or make them do anything. We can only learn to protect and take care of ourselves. (Especially important to do when those who are supposed to love and protect us don't).

I am so sorry. Such a terrible thing when the people we count on fail us. Did you ever see a therapist for the rape? I have heard good things about RAINN (help for people who were raped). x0

If you are still using alcohol to self medicate and avoid, then it will add to your depression and inhibit emotional maturity. Using alcohol NEVER solves problems and always adds to creating more problems. Yes, the brain forms an addiction to alcohol and it's very hard to stop and often people first have to detox and then they have to learn how to live one day at a time with support and therapy until they develop healthier coping mechanisms that help them begin not only healing but maturing.

I am sorry that your mother lacks the education to better understand this challenge. You are better off doing what I suggested above and becoming part of a group that does understand and can offer the support you need. No one sets out to be an alcoholic, instead they often drink to relax and escape. Some use it to escape the symptoms of ptsd brought on by trauma. Some just start for social comfort and develop a problem.

That being said, when someone does develop an addiction to alcohol, their life revolves around this addiction and they end up facing more problems due to how the alcohol never solves anything, can actually damage that problem solving area and can cause the addict to self sabatoge creating even more problems. Also, people with this kind of addiction can have narcissistic behaviors due to living their life around using and being in denial and having mood swings like a doctor jeckle and mr. hyde.

It's possible you developed ptsd from the rape and began using alcohol to escape from how it affected you. Please know that the alcohol doesn't help you heal. Actually it can make you more prone to experiencing other abuses.
The only way you can heal from the rape is to seek therapy and learn how to process it and move forward despite being raped.

I am very sorry you have been a victim of rape. I know that it's not easy as I myself was drugged and date raped and attacked by an agent (I was a lead singer in a band performer) and trapped by a dentist in his office where he tried to molest me. I was YOUNG and very niave and too trusting and that's exactly what these type of predators look for. This is why I gave up singing and performing, I just felt it made me too much of a target. I was even attacked by a drunk on stage where the band had to pull him off of me and I was chased in parking lots and it got so I could not walk out to my car alone.

However, I did not use alcohol to escape, I made different decisions where I was not so vulnerable. Alcohol use just made me feel more vulnerable and so I did not seek to get drunk or total numbing.

I just want to add gently I hope that I had a friend that had a problem and I tried to support her getting sober and spent hours talking to her and spending time with her, and we rode our horses together. I failed and she was still young yet and she died from this disease. My friend is gone.

Yes, you have trauma and you use alcohol to cope, but it's a deadly way to cope and it never solves any problems.

I am sorry your mother isn't supportive, but there are people in AA programs that can be understanding and supportive. My husband had a problem and he has been sober for 28 years now and he helps and supports others to learn how to live their lives sober. He has many friends in the program and chairs meetings too. You need to find your way out of this disease and to heal and learn to live your life sober.

Wow.. I'm at a loss for words, here.

Perhaps your mom no longer should be your "go-to" support, as she clearly doesn't understand much at all. I suspect you've been trying to get her to understand, hence the conversation, and she hasn't budged?

I'd distance myself from her and focus on your healing without her. It's possible she's at the root of your anxiety, depression, and need for alcohol. It's not a maternal thing to tell your child it was their "fault" for being raped. There's something going on with mom that has nothing to do with you.

Sorry for the trauma you endured, all around!