Processing Trauma

I've been with my T for 2 years and we've been working on all sorts of issues. We have a good relationship. Today we started working on trauma from abuse. He started with my X. It's been 8 years since I've been divorced. I've stored that abuse down deep. T said every time he asked me a question about myself, like how I felt, do I feel angry I wouldn't answer.

I don't know how to describe those feelings. I don't feel anger. I feel bad, like I wasted his time today. He asked me if I want to continue with this. I do, but it's hard bringing this up.

Any advice?

((((((((((((((((Raceka)))))))))))))))))))))0

Therapy is so so hard. Especially when you need to talk about things that are so hard to deal with or even think about .... When i clam up, i think ' i have to do this in order to heal'. Just bite sized things to start with, i know it's so hard, but grit your teeth and vefore long you will be talking, crying and getting those deeper feelings to the surface .... i know this sounds silly, but sometimes i find it hard to look at my t, so i take something like a scarf to twiddle with .... sad but true best of luck, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

I have just started dealing with some really difficult stuff with my T. I have found that if I write a little letter to start conversation this helps us to get the ball rolling. If I am having a hard time talking about it she asks me yes and no questions to get me going again. She is really patient with me.

I also twiddle alot and can't look her in the eye much. The feeling of shame is so strong.

I find I dissociate and isolate for a few days after my session. It's like a therapy hangover.

I find the courage to go to the next session because I believe that once I push through this I will have my power/life back.

It is tough stuff. Hang in there RACEKA!

Slip

Thanks for your support.

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He asked me if I want to continue with this.

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I kind of hate when they say this. Its like a surgeon asking you half way through surgery... "Hey, this is going to hurt like hell tomorrow, do you still want to continue? Of course if we stop here, you'll feel like crap tomorrow anyway."

I always like the.... "you only have to say what you want to or what your comfortable with saying"... statements. OK so if I just sit here in silence, I'll feel better.

I think it is their way of letting themselves off the hook when they steer you some where and realize they've opened up Pandora's box. Then when you lose it they can say... "Well it was your choice to talk about this."

I wish my T would just say... "Look, in order for you to get over this and put it to bed, we need to sit and discuss all the dirty details, period! Start with X.

I don't know if this will help...

My pdoc... I have seen for.. about 7 years... every 6 weeks.... and... he.. not the different therapists I saw during that time frame... always... asked the same question... I have it memorized..

" and doesn't that make you angry"....

and.... it could be about XYZ abuse... it was all abuse...that I related to him.... my ex-husband.... in particuliar..

and.. I would always say "no.... I feel numb"

and then after awhile I would say "why would it make me angry?"

and he would respond... because you are a person and he hurt you...

and after many years of this... " I was relating something - and said.. it makes me so ANGRY"....

my purpose.. in telling you this... is that... it was my pdoc... so... I spent maybe.. 10 minutes with him every 6 weeks... relating my feelings... and... I was able to move... into dealing with my feelings..

Had.. I had.. a decent T... who I was working with regularly... just think of..the progress that could have been made...

so... it is really hard I know... give.. the process some time to work...

I would never have dreamed... that... I would actually walk into my podoc's office... and be able to say "I am so angry"...

take care..freewill

Thanks. Your comments do help. I've been journaling this week and that seems to help. I just think I needed some time to start bringing it back up.

T also seemed a bit stern with me. I wondered if he was mad at me for something. He just wasn't giving me the comfort he usually does.

((((raceka))) Please don't doubt your T's efforts and caring for you. It's the subject that you are covering that makes you feel T is acting differently. I'm sure he was giving you comfort, but you were unable to accept it, maybe because you were numbing in reaction to the trauma memories? T needs to help you begin to feel, thus the questions. It really doesn't matter whether you are angry or not, but that you begin to feel something about those events and times.

Don't doubt your T, he's there for you.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

For a long time wen i was asked was i angry I would say no, I knew my actions like bulimia self harm etc were angry behaviour, but i didnt actually feel the emotion myself for a long while.

i suppose it took a while to give myself permission to be angry I could be angry on behalf of others, about the same situ that they were experiencing but it was as if I wasnt valid enough to be angry about it, as if I didnt have the right to be hurt.

Hope that helps, i know you willprobably hate this bit, but it takes time, taking risks trust and its hard, but will be worth it in end

my pdoc..also did not "act" the same as he usually does.. when asking about anger...he was like you said "stern".. or something...

I think it made... a real "impression"....that way....

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RACEKA said:
T also seemed a bit stern with me. I wondered if he was mad at me for something. He just wasn't giving me the comfort he usually does.

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Can you talk with him about this?

Raceka,

The main job of a T is to get us to go where we don't want to, feel what we never want and say what we are totally afraid of saying. It's a really tough job to help us go to the bad places in our lives and they get precious little thanks for it.

They have to be objective enough to know when to push and when to hold back and just comfort us. We will never get over the past without some confrontations with that past.

Be patient with yourself, OK?? We all go through these insecure times and have trouble coming out from denial and numbness. It's gonna be ok, really! Leslie

Multi,

Thanks for making me think of that. That is exactly what he was doing. When we first started the session I started to talk about another situation that we really don't need to talk about anymore. The problem is there because I'm letting my boundaries being broken. Anyways, he switched me to the trauma. He has mentioned before that some clients will keep talking about other things to avoid the trauma. He has told me he didn't know if that was the case with me or not, but he will be looking out for it.

He told me to journal this week about the trauma and that should help. I feel I'll do better this week.

My head went everywhere over this. I was thinking he's trying to hurry up and get rid of me. He's tired of me. He's mad at me for bringing up something I should be done with. All he has taught me and I'm letting my boundaries be broken.

Like I don't have enough problems already. Thearpy causes me more.

Thanks everyone for your help.