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Old 04-28-2019, 04:49 AM   #1
Desolation01
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Trig Pain

I could never accomplish anything. Either my path in which i was supposed to follow was tainted by the overwhelming sorrow of the world. Or the omnipotent entity above us had my fate predetermined. Because of the aforementioned options, my heart aches of clear-cut and unequivocal pain. I awake everyday in this backwards world wishing that my fate could be different. However, simply it cannot; inner peace is impossible. The only thing I have left that keeps me going is the natural fear of what’s to come after death. Yes I admit, some days I feel genuinely happy. Or perhaps it is that I am so distracted that I do not feel heartache. Yet even in the time of distraction or joy I fail to experience inner peace. The reasons for this are simple and makes the claim of “inner peace being impossible” robust. Firstly, I am only 17. That being said I am still in high school. Due to this, I am constantly watching my peers and their success in life. While these children of the future can become anything without any limitation, I cannot. I am surrounded by my peers joy and accomplishments and am envious of their potential. This causes great pain for me. I cannot do what they can. Additionally, while I am limited in my choice of profession I am hindered by my body. It cannot perform as well as others, and has lost half of the most beautiful sense that the omnipotent entity gifted us. My sight is worse than those decades older than me all because of some stupid accident. I am tired of being limited and feeling limited in most of everything I do. My life’s quality is so poor compared to many others in this western society. People I’ve talked to in the past about my struggles have told me to stop comparing my life to others. Yet I cannot do so. After all, isn’t comparisons a vital reference to determine the quality, shape, color, longevity, buoyancy, and countless other adjectives of a noun? In this case, it is simply a comparison of the quality of my life to others. It’s such a beautiful day outside, yet I can hardly see it. When i realize this I think about how others around me experience the world. It has to be in higher quality seeing as they have a vaster view of the world. therefore they can experience this beautiful day in much larger detail. I often wonder what the future will hold for me, and I’m not very confident nor happy when I look to it. It’s an unfortunate realization when I stop and become aware of the fact that people my age can accomplish what they wish and live in joy. While I am suffering on a plethora of levels. What makes this even worse is that I try so hard to accomplish things. Yet those that work less somehow can accomplish great feats. This just adds on to the world being such a backwards place. The inner pain I feel will never go away, and In realizing this my heart aches once again. I’ve cried three different times in just writing this document. Situational depression is such a bad thing. Because you cannot be truly cured of this depression until the situation that caused your sorrow in the first place dissipates. At least that’s how it is for me. Nobody around me realizes that no matter how many “happy pills” I take it won’t matter. My sorrow is only caused from this situation and this situation alone. And nothing can fix the loss of sight, except an omnipotent being or centuries of technological advancement. Four years since the blast, and the creation of my sorrow. Yet nothing has changed. I still cannot cope.
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:34 AM   #2
sarahsweets
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Default Re: Pain

I am so sorry for your pain and I wont insult you by telling you things like "be happy" or "try harder". I do not have any answers but I firmly believe in the depths of my soul that all life is precious.
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