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Rainbow777
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 11:28 AM
  #1
Hiya,

I've got/had many many years clean off drugs and alcohol (over 16). Due to both a VERY toxic relationship and the death of a close friend I 'slipped'. My ex (been on and of for nearly 2 years VERY destructive) admitted to coming to a meeting (and my area) to bump into me. He knows I have SLAA issues and one thing led to another (so technically back together in our 'non' relationship). I went away and then got the phonecall about my friend's death (an ex of mine from over 20 yrs ago). I ended it with my recent ex just before I got back home. Upon arriving home I had an emotiona wobble and asked him to come 'babysit' me for the evening (no sex just needed a friend). He said no. It ended up with me getting drunk, scoring coke and turning up at his house at 4am in the morning (and refusing to leave whilst using in his house). He then called a mutual friend in recovery cos he felt 'vunerable in his sobriety' total bollocks since he often has friends round using in his house. Had it not been for the mutual friend arriving I MAY have been able to keep a cap on it, sleep it off and see it as a slip. However here's my quandry, If it a slip, I can open up to that in my local meetings own it and get on with it (and get my arse to SLAA which is clearly my main issue). If it's considered a relapse and I lose all those years clean (and pick up a white keyring) I WILL pyschologically use it to go out and have a PROPER relapse (extended or end up back on crack) to make losing all that clean time worth it. Opinions really needed (ESPECIALLY if possible from old timers and qualified councillors ) as well as others. Help!!!
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yagr
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 12:27 PM
  #2
There is no difference between a relapse and a slip. If you need there to be - cool.

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Roamer1115
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 11:32 AM
  #3
No difference between slip and relapse as far a drinking or other addictions you are working on.

I do think we can have emotional relapses without actually using alcohol or drugs or sex or gambling etc etc...ie Dry Drunk...but this would not be called a Slip and therefore starting over in sobriety length. If it were and we are all honest with ourselves, non of use would be anywhere near five or ten years sober??without a emotional slip that is.

The premise of the program is to be able to get through our emotions without drinking or using our drugs. When we relapse emotionally, we have our AA sponsor or friends to help us back on the right track...whatever that means...including perhaps sexual relationships or isolation etc etc.

Still these are only words, slip, relapse, dry drunk, they have a different meaning in our 12 Step programs of course. Also maybe different depending on who is giving the opinion. In the end, it is the person that you see in the mirror that will tell you the truth.

While I am only sober old timer of 40 years, I've had my emotional and physical bouts and dry drunks. I've used the program well and have a good foundation, yet if I compare myself to others and where I'd prefer to be in my sobriety or personal growth...I'm just not there yet!

I have to say, in my opinion, number on addiction is always the chemical. The other addictions can of course lead to drinking and drugging, if you do not take the first drink or drug, you have a chance to get right with yourself and others, for That Experience and not take yourself down more with the chemical alcohol or drugs.

Best of Luck with your sobriety and Life ... One Day At A Time!
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sarahsweets
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 12:37 PM
  #4
I think you are trying to split hairs labeling something a slip when its a relapse. I think you are feeling shame and are trying to avoid learning from it and being honest about what happened leading up to it. It wasn't just the ex or the death, there are always other things humming along in the backround that push us closer to relapse. My last relapse was on xanax- I was an absolute hazard everywhere I went. I was at my homegroup all F'd up and one woman drove my car home and my sponsor drove me home and they came into my house and sat me down. They told me that something was up, that I wasn't fooling anyone but it was up to me to get honest about it and move forward. My sponsor said when I was ready to get honest to come to her house. The next day I did and told her everything and it was such relief to not have to hide anything. To let the charade fall. Imagine my surprise when she told me that I had to raise my hand and tell them I was coming back every meeting for a week. I was so embarrassed. I had to tell my family too. But the people in AA were supportive-actually more supportive than my first time. I learned humility. You do not lose what you learn- if you were on step 4 when you relapsed, you pick it back up. But to be accountable and walk the walk rather than talk the talk you should start a new timeline. Relapsing was the best thing that ever happened to me because that is when I felt the psychic change that the BB talks about and I am truly a new and different person.

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Rainbow777
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Default Jul 17, 2019 at 07:45 AM
  #5
Thanks ever so much for your responses, interestingly my psychotherapist has advised me to stay away from any 12 step meetings for a couple of weeks until I feel more stable (I'm also bi-polar). I TOTALLY hear you all about the timeline and the shame etc. And although I hold my hand up to being a dry drunk for MANY years, I do have to take prescribed medication for my mental health issues. After all these years I'm NOT entirely sure sitting in meetings and going through the process (again) and yes I got to step 4 (and sat on it for 8 years!!!), is going to help as much as just getting on with it. I've been stuck in inaction for years (probably down to me not working my steps), but in all honesty I need Valium to cope right now and don't feel I can go back until I'm off that. Anyway, thanks a lot, I do appreciate your responses.
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 07:32 AM
  #6
I just wanted to chime in about AA and medications. I have found that there is large subset of AA people who think all medication is bad and you are not sober if you take anything, especially a controlled substance. I think this scares away many people from AA especially those that have mental illnesses. I know the literature talks about how we are NOT doctors and its not our job to advise people about medications and health matters. We drink or drank and that is where our expertise lies.

I had a sponsor once who told me she would only sponsor me if I stopped my adderall. I was new and thought it was a rule. Well my life spiraled out of control and we had to part ways. My current sponsor understands. I have had 4 surgeries in a year and a half. Most recently rotator cuff surgery in March. I needed pain killers esp with the rotator cuff. I had no qualms about using them and had a legitimate need. I was fine with them and was mindful. I am contemplating going back on a once a day dose of valium due to the chaos and stress I have in my life.

It is no ones business what medications you are on. It is not a rule that you cant take something that you need. Honesty is the hallmark of AA (to thine ownself be true) and if you are mindful you will be the first to know if you are having a problem. The anti-med people in AA are my biggest pet peeves. If you do feel guilty, dont.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow777 View Post
Thanks ever so much for your responses, interestingly my psychotherapist has advised me to stay away from any 12 step meetings for a couple of weeks until I feel more stable (I'm also bi-polar). I TOTALLY hear you all about the timeline and the shame etc. And although I hold my hand up to being a dry drunk for MANY years, I do have to take prescribed medication for my mental health issues. After all these years I'm NOT entirely sure sitting in meetings and going through the process (again) and yes I got to step 4 (and sat on it for 8 years!!!), is going to help as much as just getting on with it. I've been stuck in inaction for years (probably down to me not working my steps), but in all honesty I need Valium to cope right now and don't feel I can go back until I'm off that. Anyway, thanks a lot, I do appreciate your responses.

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