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Old 08-16-2019, 03:50 PM   #1
DelusionsDaily
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Angry 12 Step programs and Sponsors

The sickness of some sponsors makes me wanna vomit. Worst part I still have to see this person...I will not talk to her. There is nothing to talk about. I will pray for her and everyone she sponsors. The amount of dependence some sponsors want on them rather than helping a sponsee find a HP(I already had from being in AA this sponsor I met in a different 12 step program) is really unnerving. Thanks to my HP I got the hell out before that damage was too great. Thanks also to my AA sponsor who helped me find an HP and made clear he didn't want to be it. Setting a very clear example of how sponsorship really works. Oh and is entirely willing to make amends if he finds it necessary or is brought to his attention.
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Old 08-17-2019, 01:31 AM   #2
sarahsweets
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Default Re: 12 Step programs and Sponsors

Do you mean you have or had a AA sponsor and you moved to a different program like NA? The programs are not that different in basic values however I have found NA folks to really want to differentiate between the two. I hate the phrase "some are sicker than others" but its true. I do not think anyone would be a 12 step warrior if they did not have at least one bad experience with a bad sponsor. I had one and it ended badly. I was afraid to see her but I got over it and now I can at least make niceties if I run into her. Are you comfortable sharing more?
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Old 08-17-2019, 04:46 PM   #3
DelusionsDaily
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Default Re: 12 Step programs and Sponsors

I still have an AA sponsor. I joined OA last week and had gotten a sponsor immediately. I didn't drop my AA sponsor when I got an OA sponsor. OA seems to largely use the AA Big Book in meetings I am sure there are other types...but haven't been to them yet. As I have had time to review the "relationship". I realize my revolt stems from the craziness of a sponsor who was never clear about what she wanted me to text her in terms of a food plan. This wall of text then proceeds to tell me about desire and honesty(which the only time a sponsor has reason to bring that up is if they are question a sponsees). Insinuating I don't have it or have enough of it. I'm sorry but for someone who has spent no more that 45minutes on the phone with me in the 4 days prior...most of it HER talking not me. So it wasn't an opportunity to get to know me. There was NO basis for her assumption about my desire or honesty. She doesn't know me well enough.

That combined with the later text about needing to talk to her about a problem. She gave me a timeframe to call. I said ok thanks. Then I got busy getting my lunch together that day. I happened to check my phone and she texted to just write it in the 4th step. Mind you she doesn't know my problem...so really the only answer given since she doesn't know the problem should have been pray.

Upon further examination...in the five days she was my sponsor I NEVER heard her mention an HP, God of our own understanding, or anything about a relationship with with such a being. All so unheard of for me. The only way I "heard" about an HP was that she had me read the 1st 164 pages. We never talked about it nor did she emphasize any of that. I read the 164 pages and the next meeting she saw me at she handed me a 4th step. All of it just seemed so much more like she wanted me to depend on her and NOT an HP. That's scary. Human's fail, HP's don't. Hp's may not answer in our time or our way but it always turns out in a way that really seems to come together and is often able to be seen down the road.

She did know I had been around/in AA for quite some time. However, she knew nothing more than that. So maybe she assumed I already had that, which thank my HP I do. It seemed alot like sponsorship my friends in AA had been in and when they get another sponsor down the road they struggle immensely...because the new sponsor...doesn't leave them feeling crazier than anyone and does NOT want the sponsee to depend on them. Most of them not realizing that is what they had been doing. Many of them go back out because it is such a hard transition to a new sponsor and thankfully most of them made it back.

I don't hate her. As my AA sponsor tells me anytime I have an issue with someone...We are all doing the best we can to grow up....or something like that. I will absolutely pray for her. I will still go to meetings with her and if she talks to me I will pray for the right words not MY words. I will do my best to extend the same Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love that was extended to me in AA and I would extend to any other person.
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Old 11-06-2019, 04:10 PM   #4
bird is the word
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Default Re: 12 Step programs and Sponsors

So far I have really enjoyed my experience. Everyone at the meetings I have attended seem to set a good example for newbies. I don't speak so well in front of groups so it is really difficult for me to get out what I mean to say in my head. I have social anxiety and I am glad everyone seems so understanding.
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