advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
shovelhead
Elder
 
shovelhead's Avatar
shovelhead has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,027 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
149 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2020 at 02:04 AM
  #1
Hi. So this past January of 2020, I began 4 years zero alcohol. Very difficult cuz I was a late-stage alcoholic for years. Anyways, I'm so depressed & alone. I feel hopeless & like completely giving up on everything. Nothing matters. I feel like getting drunk & continuing where I left off, frankly. Which of course happens. I don't care anymore. At least alcohol made me happy until I had too many that day. Then I'd just go to sleep, anyways. I was never proud of myself for sobriety. Anyways, I hear alcohol calling me back. Its very far away, now since I'm on 4 yrs. But the voice didn't disappear. I know for a fact alcohol will give me an enjoyable day. I'm sick of being really unhappy & completely isolated. Thanks for reading. Also, I hope its ok I posted this in '12 Steps'. Sorry if I posted in wrong area.
shovelhead is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
childofchaos831

advertisement
childofchaos831
Elder
 
childofchaos831's Avatar
childofchaos831 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
5 yr Member
15 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2020 at 02:25 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by shovelhead View Post
Hi. So this past January of 2020, I began 4 years zero alcohol. Very difficult cuz I was a late-stage alcoholic for years. Anyways, I'm so depressed & alone. I feel hopeless & like completely giving up on everything. Nothing matters. I feel like getting drunk & continuing where I left off, frankly. Which of course happens. I don't care anymore. At least alcohol made me happy until I had too many that day. Then I'd just go to sleep, anyways. I was never proud of myself for sobriety. Anyways, I hear alcohol calling me back. Its very far away, now since I'm on 4 yrs. But the voice didn't disappear. I know for a fact alcohol will give me an enjoyable day. I'm sick of being really unhappy & completely isolated. Thanks for reading.
We're sorry this year has been so hard. It's been hard for a lot of people, probably. We've been depressed for a long time, and trying repeatedly to stay clean. We know we relapsed after all the isolating started and the meetings stopped, so we may not be the one to listen to...

But...

We were depressed before we relapsed and we were depressed after we relapsed. It didn't make it any better. For us, it actually made it worse. It may give you an enjoyable day here and there, but it will also give you crappy days. There is a reason you stopped drinking in the first place. Eventually, the enjoyable days will stop coming and the crappy days will be all you get. Then, you may be able to get stop drinking again or you may not. And that prospect isn't a good one either.

We'll be thinking about you...

__________________


Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
childofchaos831 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
shovelhead
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2020 at 03:14 AM
  #3
Hi @shovelhead:
Quote:
Originally Posted by shovelhead View Post
Hi. So this past January of 2020, I began 4 years zero alcohol. Very difficult cuz I was a late-stage alcoholic for years.
what do you mean by late stage? Is that like developing alcoholism late in life? I have been sober for nearly 8 years.

Quote:
Anyways, I'm so depressed & alone. I feel hopeless & like completely giving up on everything. Nothing matters. I feel like getting drunk & continuing where I left off, frankly. Which of course happens. I don't care anymore. At least alcohol made me happy until I had too many that day.
What were the negative things that you associate with alcoholism and alcohol abuse. What happened when you stopped? Did you go through withdrawals or detox?

Quote:
Then I'd just go to sleep, anyways. I was never proud of myself for sobriety.
Why do you think this is?

Quote:
Anyways, I hear alcohol calling me back. Its very far away, now since I'm on 4 yrs. But the voice didn't disappear. I know for a fact alcohol will give me an enjoyable day.
If alcohol made you happy and have good days then why did you stop drinking?

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
shovelhead
shovelhead
Elder
 
shovelhead's Avatar
shovelhead has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5,027 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
149 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 19, 2020 at 12:11 PM
  #4
Thanks for your replies, childofchaos & sarahsweets! I realized last night after I logged out..that my thread here sounds really selfish & stupid, cuz of the worldwide pandemic happening! So my apology & that's why I never start threads, cuz I mess them up & need to reword stuff. I forgot to write...I have been isolated for 7+ years already! I live in the desert. So I've always been isolated. Late-stage alcoholic is end stage alcoholism, before its going to destroy organs, etc. Early stage, middle stage & late stage. I've read about in books written by doctors. Yeah I would go thru withdrawal & tremors. The last time I drank alcohol, I slipped on my ceramic tile floor. I fell on my head & knocked myself out, unconscious. And I had a big gouge cut in back of my head area. I only quit cuz I was forced to, living out here in empty desert. Stores are far away & I lost my drivers license from an OWI. Drunk driving. Today I feel better & not even thinking about alcohol. Yeah drinking really destroyed my life. I'd be stupid to return to that lifestyle. I really wanted to clarify this thread is a mess. And I hope anyone reading is safe & healthy during this pandemic. I'm lucky I have a roof over my head & food, etc. right now. Yet I'm complaining about alcohol, like an idiot. So please forgive my non skills with posting. Have a good Sunday, everyone. Thanks again for reading & responding.
shovelhead is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
childofchaos831
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 21, 2020 at 05:56 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by shovelhead View Post
Thanks for your replies, childofchaos & sarahsweets! I realized last night after I logged out..that my thread here sounds really selfish & stupid, cuz of the worldwide pandemic happening! So my apology & that's why I never start threads, cuz I mess them up & need to reword stuff.
Dont apologize! We all have troubles pandemic or not. In fact those of us with addiction or mental health issues are suffering alot during this lockdown and social distancing. Since you said you live in isolation, would you consider getting professional help? I ask because based on what you have shared I believe that if you suddenly stop drinking, you could go through withdrawals that are life threatening and dangerous. You say you drank so much that you fell and knocked yourself out. That is a huge red flag. Let me share something with you.
I had a friend from college, who was a terrible alcoholic. It kept getting worse and worse until our friends didnt even take his calls anymore because they were angry incoherent calls that were combative and beligerant. He was able to isolate and work from home so that he could drink all day and night. He had lots of close calls including falling through a glass coffee table and going unconscious but he refused to go get help. 5 years ago his sister went to check on him and he was dead. His cause of death was listed as "complications due to alcoholism". He was 40 years old. It was surreal to go to his service and see all our college theater friends that I hadnt seen in 18 years and it was sad because without the alcohol he was a brilliant person. My point is you do not have to be old or sick to die from alcoholism. I am 45 now and I do not think I am old and dying at age 40 is definitely not old. I am in AA and in the last 8 years since I have been sober I have lost 6 people as a result of alcoholism. And that isnt even considered a lot when you compare it to others that have been sober for years. Are you interested in stopping drinking?
I forgot to write...I have been isolated for 7+ years already! I live in the desert. So I've always been isolated. Late-stage alcoholic is end stage alcoholism, before its going to destroy organs, etc. Early stage, middle stage & late stage. I've read about in books written by doctors. Yeah I would go thru withdrawal & tremors. The last time I drank alcohol, I slipped on my ceramic tile floor. I fell on my head & knocked myself out, unconscious. And I had a big gouge cut in back of my head area. I only quit cuz I was forced to, living out here in empty desert. Stores are far away & I lost my drivers license from an OWI. Drunk driving. Today I feel better & not even thinking about alcohol. Yeah drinking really destroyed my life. I'd be stupid to return to that lifestyle. I really wanted to clarify this thread is a mess. And I hope anyone reading is safe & healthy during this pandemic. I'm lucky I have a roof over my head & food, etc. right now. Yet I'm complaining about alcohol, like an idiot. So please forgive my non skills with posting. Have a good Sunday, everyone. Thanks again for reading & responding.[/QUOTE]

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
shovelhead
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:32 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.